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North Dakota Babies
Katy and Brett ~ Runaway Bay, Jamaica ~ October 4, 2008
Can I Vent For A Second?
So, to kind of piggyback D's post (as I'm typing, I can't remember if there was a DD on this or not) I need to vent about DH.
He has been less than enthusiastic for this pregnancy. Don't get me wrong...in the grand scheme of things, I know he's excited about this baby. I don't deny that. I know the saying about women becoming mother's at conception, men become daddies at birth. BUT, it would be so nice if he put some effort forth.
For instance, I ask him his opinion on baby furniture. (Which I know is not the most exciting thing, but, I'd like an opinion.) One word answer.
I listen to the baby's heartbeat every night on the doppler. He knows I'm doing it. Yet, he sits in the office using the computer instead.
On several occasions I've asked him to rub my back or the sore part of my foot. I get a flat out, "no."
Today, he was out with his Dad. They were going to Target. I asked him to pick up some more water while they were out. He told me he couldn't. I said, "You're going to Target." He said, "Yeah, but not for that." I said, "Okay, I don't have enough water to last me the day." (I know using bottles of water is bad, but, our water is worse. Even with filtering.) He gave me a sour look and said nothing. I finally told him to forget it, I'd do it myself.
Tonight I said I wanted some ice cream. He said "That sounds good. Where are you going?"
Where is that guy that runs to the store to get pickles and ice cream? And he does NOT understand why we don't have "sexy time". I've told him time and time again, I need some "wooing". you'd think he'd get a clue and be more supportive.
Katy and Brett ~ Runaway Bay, Jamaica ~ October 4, 2008
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Can I Vent For A Second?
Started TTC Nov. 2011
1st clomid cycle June 2012- No response :: HSG August 2012- Left tube blocked, right tube clear :: 2nd clomid cycle Aug. 2012 BFN :: 3rd clomid cycle Sept. 2012 :: BFP Sept 30th :: DS born 6/15/13 :: BFP #2 7/29/14 M/C 8/5/14 :: BFP#3 10/20/14 DD born 7/1/2015 :: Applied to be surrogate April '17 :: Transferred 1 Embryo for IFs Dec. '17 :: Surro Babe born 9/11/18 :: Started 2nd Journey May '19 :: Transferred 1 Embryo for new IFs 9/24/19 :: HB 138 at 6w6d
I'm sorry you're dealing with that. It sounds exactly like my DH. He was excited & helpful for a few weeks after I found out that I was PG, but then it was like he got over it or something and from then on I felt like I had to force him to be a part of anything. He did better at the end of the pregnancy, though, so hopefully Brett will come around.
And now that I think about it, that's basically how he has been since G was born, too. For the first few weeks he was super helpful and sweet and then he slowly stopped doing that. Now we're at the point where I have to tell him to do things or he won't. I really think if I didn't force it he would come home from work and watch TV and pretty much ignore both of us most days.
Hrmm, sorry that turned into a vent. I guess you can see that I'm not really happy with DH right now.
I hope for your sake Brett isn't like DH in that regard!
I'm sorry you're going through this.
It sucks that we can't just make our guys understand what we need them to do. Hopefully, like pps suggested, some very specific wording will help. If you want his opinion on baby-related things, maybe give him your final two and ask him to pick one.
Also, I've never been pregnant so I don't know if I would still react the same way, but I personally find that a nice massage is the perfect form of "wooing", lol. So maybe you can tell him that giving you a back rub will actually help him out in the end.
Although, I read a book a way long time ago when I was single called "Why Men Love B!tches" and I swear I still use a lot of the things I learned in it. It's not really about being a b!tch, it's just about knowing what you want, having expectations and not settling for less.
So, with that, one of the things the book talks about is that men don't respond to words, the respond to no contact. You need to show him you're upset by taking little things away, like physical touch, or being extremely busy with things other than him... not exactly easy, but it's always worked for me.
[url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tte03a3.aspx[/img]
~Kimberly & Eric~ April 21, 2008 ~Tensing Pen ~ Negril, Jamaica ~ My Blog: One Sunset at a Time
Katy - I can relate. We did have a chat and he said that he was being a prick about things. He still isn't interested in figuring out daycares and doesn't seem the reason he needs to be more involved with it. I can't get him to understand that it is important and I'd rather not drop our kid off at a crack house.
I will say that I'm trying to be understanding and see things from his point of view - but I'll continue talking about it until I am blue in the face because it makes me feel better. Hugs to you friend - I know it sucks. Maybe I'll just move in with you and we'll have Brett move in with my DH.