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Update on Sam's behavioral stuff...
I know it might be getting old, but I feel the need to talk about it, and who knows--maybe it'll help one of you going through something similar.
{Background--our 5-year old son has been having a lot of behavioral/temperament issues: being very disobedient/defiance (more than is age-typical), being hyper at times, getting angry at small things, having difficulty transitioning from one activity to another, crying easily, etc.}
We took him to be evaluated by the doctor, and she took her time, which we appreciated. She did 3 long sessions with just him, then a session each with Sam and me, then Sam and DH. We just met last weekend to talk to her about her assessment.
Basically, she said that he is too young to really make a clinical diagnosis based on his issues, but basically that his intellectual level is that of a 7-year old, but his emotional level is that of a 4-year old. She agrees that he is a very intense little boy, and he experiences all of his emotions to the extreme. He has trouble regulating his emotions, and has a hard time communicating exactly what he's feeling. Learning that communication is where she'll begin with him, and she'll simultaneously have sessions with us every two weeks to help us learn how to best support and help him. We've started with bedtime, which has always been a huge struggle, and with the ideas she gave us, his bedtime immediately got exponentially better. It's amazing how there are such small little things you can change that make such a big difference. Of course that's just one little thing, but it has made our evenings a lot easier!
Anyway, it's going to be a long journey, and it won't be easy, but that's where we're headed. Thanks for continuing to give me support and input. It really does help so much.
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Re: Update on Sam's behavioral stuff...
I am so happy to hear this! Even if it's just small things at first, they will eventually evolve into bigger things... Sounds like she is an awesome doctor that generally cares about getting to the root of things and helping Sam work through what is hindering his emotional development rather than just trying to put a bandaid on it.
Yay!
PS: It never gets old hearing progress! We are here for you any time you need to talk through it! Even if you're thousands of miles away!
Thanks everyone. It really is so difficult to watch one part of his brain struggle with the other part, you know? He had a tantrum today because I called him out for cheating at Candy Land with Hannah. She was winning, and he asked her to switch tokens with him in the middle of the game, so then HE could be winning. He couldn't understand why it was wrong, and when I tried explaining it to him, he got SO mad at me. In the past I would have thought that he was just acting up because he wasn't getting his way, but I really think he got so frustrated because he couldn't grasp what I was saying. He hasn't quite grown out of that "everything is about me" stage that most kids start to outgrow around age 4.
So just having that knowledge that he's not being difficult on purpose, it helps me to stay calm and try to help him, rather than punish him.
I love hearing the updates and glad small steps are working.
Don't worry I'm watching all of your cues.
"his intellectual level is that of a 7-year old, but his emotional level is that of a 4-year old. "
This is exactly what my friend is going through with her 5 y/o right now. They think it potentially has to do with anxiety (of not knowing how to deal with his emotions). But, same with you, he is "too young" to tell, so they can't do much, but watch and wait. They ended up putting him into a "Special Education" class for kindgergarten, and that helped - it wasn't just for those who were learning challenged, there were kids with all types of disorders (I hesitate to say disorder - since it sounds so negative). And the teachers knew better how to handle him. It seemed that her little boy would manipulate teachers like crazy, and they wouldn't even know it (he was super smart that way - he knew what he could do to get what he wanted). They finally found a teacher that did a good job of balancing discipline and praise. Hopefully you can find someone like that when the time comes!
Good luck to you! I am happy to hear the updates. I think it's good info for all.
Thank you so much for the support, girls. I'm feeling very positive so far. His behavior this morning before school was a HUGE improvement. Not that it'll necessarily be like this every day, but at least for one day, I wasn't pulling my hair out to get them to the bus on time!
Also, I have improved my diet, which has made a world of difference. I'd given up sugar and cut down on gluten a few months ago, and I felt better than I had in ages. It helped me remain calm, whereas I was always on edge when my diet was crap. It was a vicious cycle: stress = stress eating = short fuse = stress = stress eating...But I've cut out sugar again. It's really just amazing to realize how your diet really affects not only your physical health, but your mental health as well.
I always knew Sam was a smart cookie
But seriously I am so glad to hear that you are getting some answers, and guidance (without meds). Like pp said I'm sure baby steps alone will make such a huge difference.
And kudos to you for keeping the sugar and gluten away. I've been wondering how you've been doing on that. Keep up the good work and know that we are always here for you.
oh this is wonderful news. knowledge is key... and I completely understand. Keep the updates coming!