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Military Families
First time mommy during deployment
Im a first time mommy, my husband and I are beyond excited but its a little hard since his on deployment (not my first deployment). I made sure to go to the first ultrasound with him, and go to baby stores with him before he left to experience it. Im only 7 weeks right now, Ive gotten to see my little blueberry and the heartbeat without my husband and it was overwhelming. Im anxious for the upcoming months when I have a baby bump I wont have him to rub my belly, talk to the baby, give me foot rubs, be with me in the baby shower, open gifts, get the nursery together. I keep telling myself this wont be the last child but its our first. Im thinking about buying a flip camera to record everything. All I can do is take it a day at a time.
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Re: First time mommy during deployment
Great outlook sweetie. I am so sorry you have to go through all the joys of pregnancy without your DH. I know it sucks. I would definitely try to record everything so you guys feel like you can experience it together. maybe pick out, or have him pick out, a DIY task (like building a toy chest or something) that he can do when he gets home or after the baby is born so he feels like he contributed to the prep work some.
If you need someone to share in your joys/frustrations of pregnancy on those days you cant talk to your DH you can always come here.
Can your DH take some R&R mid deployment? If so I would plan a shower for then so he can be there if he wants to be.
GL and let us know if you need anything!
I know it seems completely intimidating and its hard to take it in stride with all the emotions pregnancy can bring.
That being said, try to remember that you have a little piece of him with you at all times. And that piece will keep getting bigger and growing, even with him gone. There are many who have been in your shoes (including myself) and many who will be in the future. You are right, taking it one day at a time is all you can do, and the days do add up! I still have maybe a year or so to go, but i take so much comfort in knowing that I will be holding her in my arms, its such an amazing connection to him.
Good luck, and post often
ps... The more you "bump", the more you'll see that no pregnancy is cookie-cutter perfect. Personally, I would rather have MY husband be the father of my child, even on the other side of the world, then have a DH like some ladies vent about, at home.
Go get that camera. I recorded everything for my H and he loved it. I took a belly pic every friday and emailed it to him. I had a friend go with me to all of my apts and record it. She recorded my midwife measuring my belly and hearing the heartbeat. I sent him copies of baby magazines and books. I also sent him a baby name book. He read every single name and it's meaning in that book. When he got back, there were notes in the margins and names highlighted or marked out. It was sweet.
One of the ladies suggested keeping a blog. I wrote him letters every night. I wrote about how I was feeling physically and emotionally. It felt like a journal as I was writing, but he was able to "share" in some of the feelings I was having.
Just find any way that you can to share it all with him. My grandma always told me that happy mommies make happy babies. It is so true. Stay positive.
I know how you feel. I was 18wks when my DH left for a 12 month tour and it was definitely challenging! The best advice I could give you is to keep yourself busy! I was working FT at this point but I took on so many projects that I always had something to do! I also took weekly pictures of my bump and sent it to him via email and made sure I emailed him or talked to him on the phone about all my doc appt's.
We lucked out and his r&r was around the time I was due so he was able to spend some time with DD but in your case if your DH's r&r doesn't match up with your due date then maybe have your shower and plan on doing some special things with him for that time period (pick out baby names, take professional pictures, pick out furniture or decorations, etc)
Also when my DH was home we bought a tape recorder (you can even film this) and we recorded DH reading books to my DD and I played it every night at bedtime! DD was 7 mos when my DH redeployed and she would just sit and stare at him whenever he talked! There were never any issues with her being scared of him or what have you so I believe the recordings helped a lot with the transitioning! GL and hang in there!!!!
DH was deployed from when I was 20 weeks until 2 weeks after DS was born. He was going to be home by my EDD, but DS was in a hurry and came 3 weeks early. That was probably the worst part about the whole thing. It was hard for both of us to be apart, but now that he's home with me and DS, I'm just so happy we're all together that the pregnancy doesn't really upset me anymore.
When he left, I made a private blog for DH where I would post pictures, stories about my day, random thoughts, etc. He could access it almost any time and that way I didn't forget to tell him things even when we didn't get to talk, and it was a little more fun than e-mail.
I went through a pregnancy alone also. Ditto PP's about recording everything. We also skyped frequently and I emailed him a belly pic at least every other day. I sent him pictures of everything I bought or received as a present (he asked) so that he could feel as in on the process as possible.
It was hard, but now that I am on the other side of it, I am so grateful that he missed the pregnancy in order to be home now. She smiles at him every time she sees him. Think of the great times ahead! Good luck!
I don't post on here often, but I"m in the same boat.
My hubby is deployed right now, and he left for his training 2 days after we found out we were pregnant with our first. He's missed every doctor's appointment, hearing the heartbeat for the first time (though,I recorded it and emailed it to him), seeing her move on the u/s, finding out the sex with me (though, I got to tell him this in person between his training and deployment while he was on leave), and now he's missing feeling her kick. I know there is so much more he's going to miss, and it breaks my heart. He won't be back until she is 2.5 months old, and I hate, hate, HATE that he's missing her birth... but... I make sure I document everything that happens - I record the doctor's appointments, I send copies of all the u/s pics (and my doctor is great - she does one at almost every appt so he can see how she's growing), I send him cards from our little girl telling him how she can't wait to meet her daddy and how proud of him she is, and I send him emails with pictures of the progress I'm making on her nursery, etc. When I buy something cute, I send pictures. I think you've got the best outlook you can have in this situation.
My DH also recorded himself reading baby books and recorded messages for our daughter so I play them to my belly every night so she gets used to hearing his voice. I also bought him a video camera and sent it to him (just a Kodak Play Sport w/ 2 SD Cards) and he records himself and sends the card home to me, then I send him a new card with video of my belly, showing him new things around the house, etc. He doesn't get online much, mostly because the internet is so shotty where he's at, so this helps him and me feel connected. Maybe you can try it!!!
GL, it's not easy. This is my second deployment, but first one pregnant. And DH hasn't been deployed in 4 years since he went from active duty and got out, then re-enlisted in the Reserves 2 years ago, so this is especially hard after being "out of the game" for so long! You can always PM me if you want to chat
I hang out mostly on the January 2011 mom's board 