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Ugh!! DH help.. as if I'm not low enough..

Nelliep32507Nelliep32507
in Postpartum Depression

i haven't been on it a while... but I need advice. And who better to ask?

I'm on Lexapro-- been on it for a few months now... I'm really trying to work things out with DH but he's just being difficult.  We get to "talk" tonight.  Here's how it goes...: (usually- I don't see it going different tonight)

DH: I don't fee loved.
ME: I don't mean to make you feel that way. What am I doing wrong?
DH: nothing.
ME: ?? really? *clearly annoyed*
DH: I feel like you don't want me around.
ME: I do, I'm just busy with the kids after work and you come in an play xbox. SO i'm cooking- kids, baths, diapers, pj's cleaning... i'm tired---- *get's cut off*
DH: so it's my fault??!?!? IT's always my fault... of course, how did I know... BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH....
ME; that's not what I said...
DH: BLAH BLAH BLAH (well that's all I hear anyway).

Any way to get the point across that I'd be more loving to him if he'd HELP ME WITH OUR 1 year old AND 2 year old!?!?!?!? (without him getting defensive). and of course I'm going to cry because I always do, then he gets mad because I'm crying. I want NOTHING (at all) to do with sex. and that's his main issue. so if I had sex with him everyday- everything would be fine--- with HIM.

so this is how it would be...
HIM: sleep, work, home, eat, xobx, sex, xbox, bedtime. he's happy right?

ME: Sleep (haha), get stuff ready for bbsitter, wake him to help take kids out to car, wake him again because he fell back to sleep, go to bbsitters (my moms house), work, pick up kids, take them home, get snacks, dinner, diapers, eat, clean, play, bath, pj's, rest time, bed time for kids, clean up apt, sex (ugh! I just want to rest!), try to sleep.

That looks fair right?

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Re: Ugh!! DH help.. as if I'm not low enough..

  • BridezookieBridezookie

    This is gonna sound f'd up, but what about trading sex for a chore? I did that once, and it worked out great and was kinda funny. Our little joke. It was a win-win, though!

    Can you write an email to him? Maybe at least then you could each say what you want to say without cutting the other person off. My DH and I do this when we're fighting and talking isn't resolving things. Good luck!

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  • madhatter2003madhatter2003

    Have you told him exactly what you need him to do? Men really just don't see the 'to dos' sometimes. Have you said I need you to 1) get the kids bathed, 2) get them dressed afterwards in clean pjs 3) pick up clutter in X room.

    Have you read the book "babyproofing your marriage"? If not, get it...it's well worth the read for communication 'issues'.  

    My two PCOS miracles! Lilypie Kids Birthday tickersLilypie Kids Birthday tickers
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  • txbootsytxbootsy member

    You should type out your daily schedule and then type out his.

    Then have him compare and see that it is not even close to being fair.

    Exhaustion is the worst! It can seriously break you down mentally and physically.

    much love and hope it gets better. It is tough having two LOs close in age.

    18 Months!! imageBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • SuciferSucifer
    We may be married to the same man.  We are going to therapy together and individually.  You can't really be intimate with someone when you harbor so much resentment toward them.  My dh only listens to reason when it comes from other people, the problem is he won't talk to anyone but the therapist who remains impartial.  Try to get him to go to therapy or print articles to read about the stresses new moms face. Good luck!
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  • Nelliep32507Nelliep32507
    imagemadhatter2003:

    Have you told him exactly what you need him to do? Men really just don't see the 'to dos' sometimes. Have you said I need you to 1) get the kids bathed, 2) get them dressed afterwards in clean pjs 3) pick up clutter in X room.

    Have you read the book "babyproofing your marriage"? If not, get it...it's well worth the read for communication 'issues'.  

    Yes. he tells me to tell him what i need him to do, then I do and i'm bitching or nagging. Arg! and No. I'll have to try this book.

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  • Nelliep32507Nelliep32507
    imagetxbootsy:

    You should type out your daily schedule and then type out his.
    I just bought a chore list white erase board... I might use this to show what I do...

    Then have him compare and see that it is not even close to being fair.

    Exhaustion is the worst! It can seriously break you down mentally and physically. IT IS the worst!! and it is breaking me!

    much love and hope it gets better. It is tough having two LOs close in age.

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  • Nelliep32507Nelliep32507

    imageSucifer:
    We may be married to the same man.  We are going to therapy together and individually.  You can't really be intimate with someone when you harbor so much resentment toward them.  My dh only listens to reason when it comes from other people, the problem is he won't talk to anyone but the therapist who remains impartial.  Try to get him to go to therapy or print articles to read about the stresses new moms face. Good luck!

    He said he's not going to therapy.  but it's true, how can I be intimate when I resent that he's got so much freedom and no responsibility?

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  • claire1983claire1983 member
    imageNelliep32507:

    imageSucifer:
    We may be married to the same man.  We are going to therapy together and individually.  You can't really be intimate with someone when you harbor so much resentment toward them.  My dh only listens to reason when it comes from other people, the problem is he won't talk to anyone but the therapist who remains impartial.  Try to get him to go to therapy or print articles to read about the stresses new moms face. Good luck!

    He said he's not going to therapy.  but it's true, how can I be intimate when I resent that he's got so much freedom and no responsibility?

     

    I have this same problem. My hubby thinks since he works, he is entitled to play xbox while i do everything in the evenings. We are in a horrible place right now but he refuses to see a councellor or therapist too, he says we are 'fine'. He seems to think if you don't admit there is a problem, then there isn't one...I'm getting so frustrated by him and he gets mad that I don't care about sex right now....right....I'm too frikken tired to care about sex but he sees it as a sign that I don't love him!! 

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