Missing my babies today

LCB34 · September 2010

I made the mistake of watching a pregnancy show about triplets this morning and I have been sad all day.

For the first time since delivering I am really, really missing the two babies that we lost.

I just look at my perfect daughter and today, all I can think about is how perfect my other two babies would have been. I wonder who they would have looked like and if they would have had their Daddy's dark hair and olive skin. Or would they have been fair skinned and blue eyed like me. And then the flood gates open and I can?t stop the tears.

I just wasn't expecting this to hit me so hard today. I'm assuming it is normal, and that I need to have these feelings to have closure over the situation, but it sucks big time today.

GuitaristsGirl · September 2010

((Hugs)), honey. I think I understand, as much as I can. As thrilled and thankful as I am to have DS in my arms, that definitely doesn't keep me from thinking about our twins. What would it have been like to have two babies in the house? What if, what if, what if. . .. I stay away from all things twin-related as much as possible (Except to celebrate with the mammas on here!)

I'm sorry you're having a hard day today. It definitely sucks big time.

BeccaLandes · September 2010

I am sure it is a bittersweet feeling. I think it is good to mourn your loss, and to enjoy the blessing you have in your arms.

laura&dan05 · September 2010

I'm sorry you're having such a rough day. I look at dd all of the time and wonder what her little brother would have looked like and what it would be like having him here with us right now and I miss him. What you're feeling is a totally normal part of the grieving process. Hopefully in between your tears Kate has put a smile on your face today.

LVBlvd · September 2010

I am so sorry you are having a tough day. I can understand how you are feeling. I get sad for Paige thinking that she is missing out on the twin thing and she shouldn't have had to.

I think all you can do is let yourself be sad about it. It does get better with time.

xoxoxo

fallbride110406 · September 2010

Oh sweetie, it is normal. I have my days where I look at my kids and I'm just so thankful and then there's these moments where I'm getting some one on one time with Jonah and all I can think of when I look at him is, what would our other son (from my miscarriage, we had genetic testing done after the D&C) would have looked like. Would he have looked like Jonah, who looks mostly like my husband with a little of my grandfather in there? Would he have been fair skinned with red hair like me? Would he be a snuggler like Jonah is or independent like Temperance? I always feel so awful when I just start crying with Jonah in my lap because he's aware of things enough now that he just gets this concerned look on his face and tries touching my face.

Those babies are always with you and I think it's only natural to look at your perfect live baby and wonder about the ones you lost. It's heartbreaking but I don't know that I'll ever be able to *not* wonder what our lost son would have been. -hugs-

howleyshell · September 2010

I'm so sorry today's a rough day.

You're right around the big hormone crash time too.... sure that's not helping matters.

I had a singleton loss first .... and found myself eye balling pregnant bellies that would have matched mine and then tiny babies that would have been the same age.

With the lost twin? Whole different ball game. I spent every day looking straight into the eyes of a child who personifies the exact age and developmental stage of that loss... every. single. day.

The one you still have is a daily reminder of the one you lost.

I think it's impossible not to wonder "what if" and imagine life with the other baby(ies) still in the picture.

If it brings you any comfort at all... it's not as prevalent as it used to be. Now it hits me more when we see twins about his age - especially when it's 2 boys because my gut told me it was a brother that we lost.

Like most grief it becomes a bit easier with time in my experience.

In the mean time.... huge (((HUGS))) to you.

igh0318 · September 2010

I'm sorry. It's hard NOT to think about what could have been.

((HUGS)) I hope tomorrow is a better day.

CandT · September 2010

So sorry to hear you're sad, but I totally understand your emotions. Take time to grieve and feel better soon!

JillAly · September 2010

igh0318:

I'm sorry. It's hard NOT to think about what could have been.

((HUGS)) I hope tomorrow is a better day.

I couldn't have said it better.

kme930 · September 2010

Oh hun, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to be reminded like that. Take care of yourself. (((hugs)))

kristinamh6 · September 2010

I'm sorry you are having a bad day. I can't imagine what you are going through, but it's totally understandable and I hope time makes things a little easier. (((HUGS)))

sliz · September 2010

i still think of my twins and what could have been - it's hard to see others with twins - although i have to admit even caring for one baby is kicking my butt.....

lnle · September 2010

(((Hugs))) I'm so sorry.

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