What do you do about lying?

taagent · September 2010

SD was caught in a lie yesterday. She actually lied twice (about the same thing on two different days) and both caught up with her. She was punished for what she was lying about because it was a punishable offense even without the lie. Now we are trying to figure out what to do about the actual lying itself. SD is ten and she has been told her punishment for what she did and that we will make her aware of her punishment for the lie when we decide what that will be. DH and I don't know what to do. Any advice for her second punishment? Her first punishment is that she gets no technology ie tv, stereo, recorder, computer, playstation, nintendo DS, or Wii for the weekend - from Friday till Sunday when she goes to bed. She was informed before she made the choice to do the behavior what the consequences would be if she broke the rules so the punishment didn't just appear, she was warned.

DandelionMom · September 2010

Ouch, I'd probably lie too if I knew that was going to be my punishment. I'd have a serious talk with her about honesty and tell her that the punishment is always worse if she lies -- maybe add an extra day to the punishment to prove that point. Remind her that honesty = trust and that trust = more priveledges.

taggiecb · September 2010

I don't have any specific ideas, but keep it simple, and don't end up doing something that is going to punish you as well. eg, not aloud to go out, but you can't go anywhere either because she cant.

Temp356619000002780 · September 2010

Last time MS lied I had him do so many chores he was too exhausted to watch TV! From cleaning up after the dogs, to laundry, dish washing, dog grooming, and toilet/ floor scrubbing. Did it get him to stop? NO! Kids will lie regardless and they will do what they want if you let them. So those chores have officially become permanent, if I catch him in a lie, more gets added. I love how clean my home is. I had him cut the grass yesterday for a fib he told.

WaitingOnTwoPinkLines · September 2010

SD is only 5, so we handle lying a little differently.

If she messes up (i.e. colors on the wall, breaks something, does something she knows isn't allowed) then if she immediately comes to us and tells us, she doesn't get in trouble (we just have a talk about why whatever she did was wrong, with a warning that if it happens again, there will be consequences). HOWEVER, if we find it and she lies about doing it, then she gets to sit in time-out for 5 minutes, then we have a discussion about lying and why what she did was wrong.

Marcilyn0812 · September 2010

We double punish for lying too. DS (eleven years old) lied this week to dodge homework. He lost his cellphone for the missing homeowrk/low grades, and was grounded from the flag football team for lying.

How about writing an apology letter about how wrong lying while on technology restriction this weekend?

neverblushed · September 2010

DandelionMom:
Ouch, I'd probably lie too if I knew that was going to be my punishment. I'd have a serious talk with her about honesty and tell her that the punishment is always worse if she lies -- maybe add an extra day to the punishment to prove that point. Remind her that honesty = trust and that trust = more priveledges.

This is kind of how we deal with it. My DD is a fairly honest kid, but she has been busted in some lies before -- usually about minor stuff (she said she brushed her teeth, but when I check her toothbrush, it's bone dry -- that type of thing.)

I usually deal with it by treating her as if I can no longer trust her. In the tooth brushing situation, I made it a point to watch her brush her teeth both am and pm for the next week or so. Of course, I reminded her every time why I was standing in the bathroom with her. She had less privacy and felt like a doofus with Mom hanging around the bathroom, making sure she brushed her teeth. Now it's not like she always brushes on her own, but at least she just admits when she hasn't.

You didn't give the specifics in your situation, but I would probably not let her have the freedom to get into whatever trouble she got into that she later lied about. For example, if she rode her bike somewhere that was forbidden, and you saw her, but she denied about it when questioned, I would handle it by saying, "you have proven that I can't trust you to follow the rules Dad and I have set out for safe bike riding, so you can't ride bikes for _________ time." I would make the consequence very related to the bad judgment on her part.

#6 · September 2010

L is only 5 so we havent really gotten into the lying too bad. I really try to catch them in the moment when they are telling the truth/being honest and drive home how happy it makes me and how proud of them I am that they are being honest.

Ex. tonight I was putting L to bed and noticed he had $3 in a cup. I know my mom gave each of the kids $1 on Tuesday. I asked L how he got $3. He said that a lady gave him one, he found one and one is from mama. (my mom took him to school with her one day for a few hours and one of her friends gave him a $ for behaving so they could study) He immediately said that he took Kennedys $ and that he would go give it to her right then. I sat him down and explained how happy I was that he told me the truth about Kennedys $ and how sad she would be if it was lost/stolen. He beamed a smile from ear to ear. I honestly think that positive reinforcement helps a good bit in instances like this as well. but, he is 5 and we havent gotten into the lies a lot yet. Im sure our day will come. Our biggest thing is when they do something and all blame each other. In that case they are all punished until the culprit comes clean.

GL. Lying is hard to deal with.

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