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Adoption
So as you know I'm pregnant again do you want it?
"So as you know I'm pregnant and I know you can't like get pregnant so I'm thinking since its so easy for me and you do have her sister (ITS A GIRL!) then you really could just take it. I mean this way people wont look at you strange for having an only child- bleh you know what I mean. So do you want it? text me in the a.m"
Tell me that this flaming PITA little girl who is incapable of keeping her legs closed and comprehending the basics of birthcontrol did NOT just text that sh!t to my cell phone!!! She's kidding our somethig? Tell me that I'm missing the ha ha part.
I'm pissed I'm pissed I'm pissed! !!!!!! DH took my cell away so I cant reply until I'm "calm" WTF
ETA: I just realised my description of her is harsh which probally means DH was right to confinscate my cell phone and screen my text msgs but I'm just so upset... so plz forgive me for being an a-hole as far as that is concerned.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: So as you know I'm pregnant again do you want it?
Calm, calm, calm. Ok, she isn't the most eloquent, but it sounds like she's actually doing the baby a favor by not wanting to parent... So.... what are you thinking? Yikes. Don't bother trying to see her side, because it will always be foreign to you (and me,and most of the rest of the population)...
Side note: Is it really odd in the Barbados to have just one child?
WOW. I'm not often speechless, but I don't know where to begin, or what I'd say if I did.
Mostly, I'm sorry that you are confronting such callousness in your dear child's birthmother.
Secondly, if you haven't already, you might want to give some serious thought to whether your family will adopt this baby, too. I pray this doesn't come out wrong (I mean it in the most supportive, understanding way possible): whatever you decide, please don't let it be out of anger or outrage. There's nothing you can do to change this woman. You can only control your life and, to some extent, the lives of your family members.
I am trying to be calm I am TRYINg but I can't stop going between crying and cursing!
I don't know what to think...I don't know what I feel....
I just texted her back:
ME: are you saying that you don't want to parent i.e put the baby up for adoption?
HER: idk maybe but I don't like the father
ME: so you don't wish to parent because you don't like the father?
HER: Well I want to keep it but I figured you needed it more
Her side?? Her side is full of...nope not calm anymore UGH I "need it" more?
No its not that uncommon and we are a very young couple, we also actually plan to take a stab at IVF in 4 years.
another text msg just came through.....
HER: The baby needs washcloths u have n.e?
Wow, I don't blame you for not being calm. I'd be ready to pull my hair out. However, like pp said, please consider if this second baby is something your family is ready for. It does sound like she is considering adoption and doesn't truly want to parent this baby, but just isn't ready to say it.
Like you, we plan to try IVF in the future, but I know if we had already adopted one child and got a call about a sibling, I'd have to seriously consider that possibility!
When is she due?
We are among other things not financially stable enough to adequately care for a second child. I also don't think that I am mentally ready (with no time for preperation) to have 2u2 especially as a SAHM.
Not with this BM I'm not; I love DD with all of my heart but honestlly if I knew what the process was like here (Barbados) and all of the emotional drama, sympathy playing etc- that she (BM) was going to put my family through I am not certain I would do it all over.
She is due in November but due to complications (some in part to this being her 4th section) they are looking at taking the baby as early as next week.
This comment makes her sound drunk....what does that have to do with anything your talking about? Sorry to be harsh but it's true. Other than that, I have absolutely no idea what to say....rendered speechless (which isn't very often).
I'm really confused about the washcloth part, too, since that comment doesn't seem to follow the others logically.
But, giving her as much credit as possible, I think it sounds like she hasn't made up her mind yet about whether she wants to parent or whether she wants to make an adoption plan. Perhaps that's why she's going back and forth so quickly?
OP, if after serious discussion and thought you and your husband are not ready for a second child, then tell her that as calmly as possible. Let her know that while you love DD, you just cannot adopt a second child at this time. And if, after serious discussion and thought, you and your DH decide that you could make it work, let her know that the next time she brings up adoption, but also let her know that you want to make sure that if she does choose adoption, she has considered it thoroughly before choosing. Right now it seems like she's confused and wavering back and forth very quickly.
As an BM, I'm going to add that she may just be looking for some "help" in her decision.
Maybe you can suggest a place for her to get counseling, regardless of her parenting decision.
Seriously?! Next week? Your ticker says your baby is only 7 months old. Wow. I shouldn't judge... but I am human.
I really hope she figures out what she wants to do quickly! I do not think I would be able to give her any outgrown clothes or washcloths. If those are not items she can currently provide for a child what is she going to do about food?
Didn't you also mention before that the grandmother is raising the oldest of her children and the second father is raising the next two? I would think by the fifth child she would know what is involved with infant care... and have plenty of washcloths to use from previous births.
Ugh. I am disgusted.
Check my ticker again carefully it actually says 7 months until DD's 2nd Birthday- so she's actually 16 Months.
I have already given her DD's outgrown clothing, hats and shoes along withs oem blankets etc- but I beleive washcloths are one of those things that should be brought band new. When I texted her back I suggested asking/telling the baby's father.
Yup, grandmother full time parents her 1st daughter (although BM is now living in the home so I'm not sure what goes on there now) from birth and the second father mainly (she has them on the rare occasion) is raising the other 2 girls.
She is also not working or eligable for any kind of welfare (to my knowledge) as she is not a Barbadian Citizen (when I suggest going to the Child Care Board for assistance she told me that she isn't a begger, that they make you line up for stuff etc-)- maybe the father will be? I don't even know if he will be playing an active role because when I ask about him all she says is "I don't like him."
A PP suggested I point her in the direction of counselling and I did; again through the CCB and she told me she doesn't want all these people in her business so look I've tried...and for some reason (though I admit half heartedly) I am still trying but if the donkey doesn't want to drink I can't make it.