BM called DH crying
and I need to vent about it. BM is married. MH has been married to me for the last 4 yrs. She called him this AM crying b.c SS (12yo) supposedly was crying saying he wished his parents were still together. BM is the one who initiated the divorce but she calls her ex to cry about how she's sad about their son? This is the same woman who won't take the kids to the doctor and when we get them we usually spend our weekends at the Urgent Care getting them treated for whatever ailments. (this weekend it was SS with a double ear infection and bronchitis) I find it highly suspicious that her crying had anything to do with her son and I know if her husband knew she was crying on the phone to her ex that he'd be more pissed than me.
Is that way over the line or am I just being uber jealous?
Re: BM called DH crying
You have an H problem.
He's the one that entertained the phone call. Sure answering the call making sure the child was not in immediate danger and then saying goodbye.
The BM calls like this won't stop if he keeps giving her what she wants and that's attention from him. She likes that she can still make him stop everything come to her rescue.
MamaPosh-no baby yet. Good luck! Hopefully the little peanut will decide to come soon!
I don't think you'd be in the wrong for being pissed. I've never had quite this situation but we have had SS come to us crying because "mommy is alone and we have each other to love." which is horrible to deal with, too.
My advice would be to have DH handle this episode with calm, cold reason. Have him tell her that if your SS has a problem with the situation that he'd be more than happy to address it, but that he can't be her shoulder to cry on -- she lost that in the divorce. I can understand being upset about your son crying in her case, but that's weird to call your ex to cry to.
Are you even believing the 12 year old SS is actually crying over his parents being divorced for over 4 years?
Is it more possible, that he may have had some nervousness to starting school or some other teenaged drama. AND the mom attributes it to being upset over the divorce and wanting his parents back together again and then immediately needs to call her ex h to say, "Billy is very upset and is crying that we're not together" and in her fantasy world it plays out the your H says "BSC EX you and Billy are right I;ve been such a fool, we need to get back together and have our family intact"
What he should say when he gets these calls is, thanks for the heads up we'll have a man to man talk. BYE! and hang the F up.
Well, first I was going to say that you could consider that BM is telling the truth. 12 is a rough age, so he could be upset and finding this as an easy "vent." He could also be trying to manipulate his mom into feeling bad to get something he wants. He could be going through a rough time with his SF and thinking this pity party will win him some sympathy.
Secondly, I was going to say that if DH and BM don't have a history of inappropriate phone calls/visits, etc, not to worry about this one time. Maybe BM is going through some stuff, going through menopause, or she was drunk/high/sleep deprived. Who knows? But if it was a one time thing, no big deal.
But, thirdly, I reread your post and saw the part about the bronchitis, double ear infection, BM doesn't seem to give a crap about her kid, so now I just think she's crazy, and how on earth are you going to figure out the reason behind the actions of a crazy lady? Talk to your H and just tell him how you feel.
How I felt about the situation would be entirly dependant on my DHs reaction to it. A simple thanks for letting me know SS is upset. I will be sure to spend some alone time with him and chat with him about his feelings would suffice.
Entertaining her and discussing HER feelings = me not happy = DH not happy. So not worth it to my DH.
I don't think this is a big deal at all. AT 12 kids are filled with emotions and the start of the new school year adds pressure and it may have caused other issues that the child hasn't gotten over to bubble up to the surface. BM was feeling overwhelmed and sad and it's an issue about the child and behaviour so I think it's an appropriate call. Maybe she handles things with tears. Everyone has their own way.
I see no reason for jealously at all. It sounds like you need to talk with your DH about how this made you feel though.
Then your Dh can tell you all how he feels and .... O wait we forgot about SS was HE actually upset???
Unacceptable. It's not about jealousy at all. This is about BM crossing lines of intimacy with your H. If she is having an emotional reaction to something she needs to talk to her own H about it. I mean, I'm not saying she shouldn't let your H know that SS is having these issues, but crying to him on the phone is inappropriate.
BM in my life used to pull this all the time when we first go together. She'd call crying about her family, her boyfriend, and all kinds of crap. Let me just say that she and DH were never married, and SS was six at the time. DH had been married before me, and she thought, because he had divorced his ex-wife that she had a chance. Once I noticed that this was happening I immediately cut this behavior off. I had him tell her that he is not her emotional support, and if she is having emotional issues she needed to find someone else to cry to because he can no longer fill this function for her.
I would say it depends on the relationship between the two of them. Ex-H and I are still friends and when it comes to our daughter, if she is having a hard time with something, we will call the other one to talk about it. Sometimes, if it's hard stuff, there will be tears (not sobbing tears, but just emotion). But that's because I'm an emotional person and the stress can be too much at times. DH understands this and he doesn't get jealous, he knows that there are things ex and I need to discuss about DD. Now if we were talking about how our divorce is effecting either one of us, that would be different. But at 12, our daughter is emotional and stuff comes up and sometimes it has to do with our divorce even now, and it's been over six years.
Again, it depends on the current relationship between DH and BM though.