"You look so good, you can't even tell you're pregnant!"

itsmegin · September 2010

So this party started out awful. I thought everyone there already knew about our loss, but when I first arrived a girl comes up to me and goes "How are you feeling." I said fine, assuming she meant after the m/c.

As the conversation continues and she is going on about how she can't even tell, I look so great I realize she thinks I'm still pregnant.

So I tell her we lost the baby, she is horrified and embarrassed, I'm all alone with no DH trying to hold it together and not cry. But later I ended up talking to another girl who had a miscarriage, and it was really helpful. We just talked about how upsetting it is, and continues to be, how people who haven't been through it don't understand. She just passed her EDD, and she said she still cries all the time. I was so glad to have an IRL person to talk to, especially after that first encounter of the night. That and some sangria made me feel better.

Anyway hope everyone else had a great labor day!

magpiebride61210 · September 2010

i'm sorry you had to go through that. That's gotta be the worst. having to tell someone you're NOT pregnant. this happened to me at a wedding a couple weeks ago. Our friend's mom said "oh and I hear you're expecting! how wonderful so soon after your wedding!"... of course I had to tell her I wasn't anymore. she was very sweet after and gave her apologies all night, but it still stung.

It sounds like you were able to get something good out of the day... talking with the other woman who has experienced a m/c hopefully helped. talking it out with someone who understands is key.

have a good night.

court2211 · September 2010

Oh I am so sorry that happened. You are so strong for keeping it together.

My labor day was pretty uneventful layed out, did some grad work...

Lissa832 · September 2010

I'm sorry. I've been there, and I know how stressful and hurtful those situations are.

anonomity · September 2010

Yikes. I'm glad you at least found someone IRL who you can relate to. I'm sorry you had to go through that though! ((hugs))

KK1109 · September 2010

Oh how I hate the "you look great" and "how are you feeling". So sorry you had to experience that too.

I actually got it at my OB--the nurse didn't look at my chart when I went in for my follow-up.

jamilynn9 · September 2010

So strange. I got the exact same thing yesterday. I went for a mani/pedi and the girl asked why I wasn't getting pink & whites anymore. I am not good at thinking on the spot so I mumbled, "I was pregnant." She then asked how long I had them off for bc my nails have fully recovered. I said, "In April I took them off." She then said, "Oh wow! You're like 3 months pregnant and don't even look it. You look great!" That took me by surprise. I couldn't even speak. Not to tell her her math was wrong or that I wasn't in fact pregnant. I just smiled through gritted teeth. Honestly I don't know how she didn't realize; I am terrible at hiding true expressions on my face. She then started telling me about her sister not being able to find "jumper dresses" when she was pregnant. I said nothing. So much for a relaxing mani/pedi.

Sorry Megan. I hate when we have to hear it over and over from other people. Way to stay strong.

jessicasuzann · September 2010

I am so sorry. That had to be terrible for you. :-(

I am worried I'll get the same thing at school today...my most recent loss happened on the last day of school, and I fear that not everyone knows....ugh.

big hugs.

Kristin&Adam · September 2010

I am so sorry! Those conversations are the absolute worst

Lots of hugs to you!

spincat9 · September 2010

Oh no, that's so hard - so sorry you had to go through that, and without DH no less! How nice though that you had that other woman to talk to who understood!

tctibbe · September 2010

HUGS I really hate when that happens. I just assume everyone knows but the fact is some people didn't get the message. Glad you were able to find someone IRL to talk to though!

Karen1998 · September 2010

Oh man! I'm so sorry you had to go through that, but also glad that you found someone to connect with.

erinlovesdavid · September 2010

I'm sorry, hun. ((hugs))

AmyRM · September 2010

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. You're lucky to have found someone to talk to in real life - I wish I had that.

I've had that sort of thing happen a lot since our m/c. I've kept the weight on, so am still wearing my "first trimester fat clothes" which doesn't help. I work at a university - so have a large diverse group of colleagues. With my m/c happening just after end of year exams a lot of people left campus shortly after and wouldn't have heard the news. Now with everyone returning in September I'm having to explain it all over and over again. It hurts.

a&b=him&me · September 2010

Oh Gin, I am so sorry. We seriously don't need to additional reminders. I am however glad that there was someone who had experienced it and knew what you were feeling - that is a VERY calming feeling when things start to feel out of control.

And ohhhh yeaaaa - Sangria makes the mood better also! Have you had the Sangria at Apple Bee's?

Zed58 · September 2010

Ugh! I'm so sorry. I was six weeks post mc (I would have been 17 weeks if I were still pg) and I saw dh's uncle for the first time since we had let spread the word we were expecting. He actually patted my stomach and said Congratulations. This guy is a major suckwad so I was pretty upset about it. If it had been somebody with any kind moral conscience, I would have felt bad for both of us for the awkward situation we stood in after the comment and belly pat, but since he's the king of d-bags, I was really just sad for myself and totally bitter at him. I just don't know how EVERY other person in the family got the memo about our loss but this cheesedick didn't.

christyjolee · September 2010

Nooooo! I am so sorry. You are so strong!!

I am so glad you found someone IRL to connect with.

damabo80 · September 2010

Hugs. I'm so sorry.

pennynjon · September 2010

((HUGS)) I am sorry. That must have been hard. I am glad that you did find someone to talk to at the party.

harlos40 · September 2010

I'm so sorry. I can't believe you kept it together... way to stay strong! Hopefully you won't have to go through that kind of experience ever again.

stillbaking · September 2010

Oh, that sucks. It's so hard. I got that at the doctor's a few weeks ago - I'd called to tell them about the miscarriage, but it didn't get on my chart so the nurse going through my vitals asked me how I was feeling and "Is that baby growing as it should?" to which I had to say, no, in fact it did not grow as it should. Ugh.

Hugs to you. I'm glad you found someone to talk to and help you get through the party. I'm so sorry your DH couldn't be with you too.

itsmegin · September 2010

Thank you so much ladies, it was so awesome to wake up to such kind words of support. It means so much to me. I had a rough night last night, cried myself to sleep and woke up to CD1 so it really helps to also get such warm messages here.

Thank you, I don't know what I would do without this board.

nbbride06 · September 2010

So sorry you had to go through that but glad you found somebody to talk to.

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