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Military Families
OY VEY!
In stead of sorting threw the sea of ignorance that formed in my last board I', just going to start over.
1- For those of you that know how to read (and comprehend) I wasn't blaming the H1N1 vaccinations for the loss of my child. I was stating my frustration that this shot was being given repetitively, without any mention to the complications, or side-effects that come with it. During the time the vaccine was released, pregnant woman were not only encouraged to get the vaccine, (which was never tested on pregnant women) but they were put on the high priority list. It made sense, I mean getting sick while pregnant can effect the development of your child. Had I been pregnant at the time the shot was released, and not been already forced to have the shot, I myself would have probably jumped on the bandwagon. Because until two days ago, I wasn't aware that it triggers miscarriages. I mean why is a drug that was dubbed unsafe for infants, being advertised safe for children still in the womb? Just having a miscarriage myself this bothered me.
2- I know that writing what I am about to is going to cause lots of negative comments, but I didn't come here to make friends.
Dear OjOB*tc4 or whatever your name was. Telling me that my child was only 6, which by the way it was 7 weeks old when it died, to me would be like somebody knocking on your door with your husbands dog tags and saying don't worry, no need to stress you were ONLY married to him for (xx) years. SO GET OVER IT.
3- To those of you who offered your support and condolences, thank you. The one good thing I've managed to find in this is my reconnection with God. Knowing that my child is waiting for me in heaven, just wants me to be closer with God. I can see that he had bigger dreams for my child than I could ever of imagined. The first time somebody asked me if I had children after my miscarriage I really struggled to give them a solid answer without leaving of my child or making them look like douches. I finally managed to mumble out that YES I have a daughter, and she is waiting for her mommy in heaven.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: OY VEY!
Look, I've been in your shoes and lost an early term pregnancy, but this was completely inappropriate from the name calling to saying her H dying would be no big deal. Losing my husband would have been MUCH harder than the pain I experienced losing a few weeks old fetus. There's very little difference between 6 weeks and 7, so pointing that point out only shows you being trivial.
I agree that Ojo was a little harsh and insensitive, but you're being silly in your above part and just as harsh and insensitive when talking about deaths of spouses. Do you think you losing your baby at 6 weeks was harder than someone losing their fiance or husband?
NO! The death of my child IS NOT more significant, than the death of anybody else. Neither would the death of her DH. THAT WAS THE POINT. That obviously you missed. Basically what I get from you is that you value the death of some over the death of others. To me all death is equal, as is all life. Telling me that the death of my unborn child is insignificant to the death of someone that's lived 30 years is just ignorant. Death is death, and some people are more comfortable talking about it then others. I know it's a touchy subject but the fact of the matter is everybody is going to die sooner or later. But taking one life and holding it to a higher standard than another just makes you look selfish.
Fine, then I'm selfish. But to lose my husband who I've been with for FOUR YEARS and know inside and out to losing a child I only knew I was pregnant with for a handful of weeks and hadn't even gotten to know yet... well, losing my husband wins in that battle.
Are the husbands who choose saving their wives over their babies in a surgery selfish too because they can't imagine their lives without their wives?
Some people have very analytical point of views. Some people see things in a more emotional manner. Just because you see Ojo's analytical statemenst as insensitve does not mean she comming from an insensitive place. She truely was not trying to be a b!tch. I'm not going to ask you to try to look at things in a different way right now. The hurt is way to fresh for you right now. Maybe one day, you will be able to look back and see where she is comming from. You still might not agree, you don't have to. Maybe you will understand a little more.
I'll be praying that God is able to heal your heart. Hang in there. I know it's tough.
Ditto this. I honetly think you need to step back for a while and grieve in private. Prayers for you in this tough time.
I understand that you are hurt and angry. I did support you yesterday, but this is a bit much. Ojo even came back after sitting back and reviewing her words. She admitted that she didn't want to come off the way you took it. That is the downfall of talking to people on the computer, you can't tell what demeanor they have.
I can tell you that comparing my miscarriages to the loss of my husband is something that should never be done. Both are painful. While I had to have a D&C for my first loss, I had to have my second cremated. I wasn't very far with him, but the way the hospital chose to help me didn't work out the way they wanted and I ended up giving birth to a 9 week fetus. It was debilitating (sp) to have him in my hand, see him and have to go down to the funeral home to pick out an urn.
If I had to do the same thing for my husband, my life would crumble. My world would literally STOP. You can not compare the two. My heart ached for my children that I lost. That kind of pain is VERY different from losing someone that you've considered your best friend, partner, confidant and soulmate.
You may feel like your world is crashing down, but there is life after m/c. I promise you. I really think you should talk to someone in real life. It will help you to move past the anger you are feeling now.
Best wishes!
Ok, I wasn't going to get involved with this at all, but you're crossing a line here.
1. Your "proof" that the vaccine has caused miscarriages? It's from an organic health site, which I can only assume is anti-vax. And the "proof" on that site? Stories from other women that show no real proof whatsoever. I'm not saying that no way in hell were any miscarriages caused by a vaccine, but nothing on the site you just linked is real proof. Nothing. For every story on there of someone who m/c'ed after receiving the vaccine I can show you 10 more from people who m/c'ed without the vaccine. In fact I've had 2 m/c's myself and haven't gotten a flu shot in YEARS. I get that you're looking for something to blame, but look for concrete facts and evidence, not random stories on an anti-vax site that show correlation but no causation.
2. The vaccine was tested on pregnant women.
3. You comparing your 6-7 week loss to the death of someone's husband at war is ridiculous. Yes, it's devastating to lose a pregnancy at 7 weeks, I get that. Been there, done that. Twice. It sucked. I didn't think I would ever get past it. However, the whole "every life is equal argument?" No, quite honestly they're not. Yes I was devastated after both of my m/c's, and it took a very long time to recover. However, if I were to lose one of my living, breathing, 18 month old children today? I would not recover from that ever. EVER. Yes, I may seem better on the outside after a while, but nothing would ever fix the hole that would be ripped out of my heart if I were to lose one of my children now. I'm not trying to say that your loss is insignificant because it was early, or that your baby doesn't count as a life lost. It does. But you cannot possibly compare an early m/c to the loss of someone who is currently living, breathing, and a very concrete reality in many people's lives. I really and truly hope that you get the opportunity to understand why I feel this way, with a healthy pregnancy and living child of your own one day soon.
I get that this is all still fresh on your mind right now. It's hard, and it seems like you'll never get over it, I understand that. You're angry and upset and just want answers. That's normal. The whole thing yesterday was insane on both sides. You got some comments you didn't deserve, and vice versa, that's why I stayed out of it. But now you're taking it too far. She apologized.
The H1N1 vaccine does NOT cause miscarriages... there are reputable sites and studies (medical sites) that disprove that myth. Unfortunately 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, many of those women having had the H1N1 vaccination. The two are unfortunate coincidences...
https://www.sciencenews.org/view/generic/id/49017/title/Science_%2B_the_Public__H1N1_vaccine_Counting_side_effects
These are the facts. Miscarriages happen. It's completely devastating when they happen to you. Most miscarriage are caused by a genetic defect in the egg or sperm, or when they meet. These stories only spread the fear of vaccines- they save lives. I was pregnant last year and had H1N1- not the vaccine- the actual virus. I thought I was going to die. I wish that I had gotten the shot before I got sick.
Exactly this. I also wasn't going to get involved, but this has gone way too far. Ojo did apologize. You need to let it go.
I too have been in your shoes. I lost my first baby at 10 weeks...2 days after my husband left for 8 months. But, comparing that loss to the thought of losing my husband when he deploys in a few months...they are not equal. I have known my husband since I was 10 years old. The loss of my baby was devastating, but losing my husband...or my 2 month old baby girl...I would never get over that. You really can't and shouldn't compare the two.
I am sorry for your loss, but please just let this all go. You are just digging yourself into a hole.
Another enormous ditto to this. I've had a miscarriage, and yes it was painful. There is no way that pain could compare to what I would feel if my husband or 3-year-old son were to pass away. Hopefully time will allow you to gain some perspective to see why so many people are speaking out on this point.
This is getting ridiculous.
Ojo apologized, you should have had your shot records on you to prove you already had the shot and someone's husband dying at war to me would be a lot more tragic than losing a baby at 7 weeks. Sorry, but miscarriages happen all the time, spouses being killed in action does not. Sorry you got all butt hurt over some of the comments yesterday but it's time you let it go.
Another ditto to this.
All I am going to say is that I am very sorry for your loss and understand why you would be upset about the things said on previous post. However you may have missed that Ojo ended up apologizing for coming off the way she had. That takes a lot to do for most people. All in all I dont think things shouldve gone down like they did, however calling her a *** for it is probably out of line as I think she was 'trying' to help, but in a more analytical way where you were just looking for emotional support.
In any case, all that should be said on either side is I am very sorry for your loss, having gone through loosing a 6 wk fetus myself, it sucks.
As far as using the analogy of fetus death vs DH death, I think a lot of that comes down to someones beliefs; how strongly they believe in life at conception vs, life at birth; and how attached they have grown to said fetus before the loss. TO PP's, this woman obviously feels that this death is as devastating to her as a close family members death where some women who might not believe in life at conception or who haven't grown attached to THAT baby yet, it might not be as devastating.
I personally would be more upset if DH died b/c my only loss happened with an unplanned PG and I didnt know I was PG till the week before I lost the baby. I was still upset about it but at the time I lost the baby I still hadnt gotten used to the idea of being a mom.
All in all I understand where your anger is coming from OP. But I would take a step back and just try to grieve. The anger will pass. I pray that God grants you peace that passes all understanding.
I'm sorry for your loss and I've had an early loss myself. However, it is no reason for you to make such a low blow. Ojo was being very analytical about it and she even apologized to you. You chose to make this thread to be an AW and take a cheap shot.
That site that is your "proof" is total BS. I was given the H1N1 vaccine WHILE pregnant with DS and it didn't "spontaneously" make me miscarry. A lot of these organic friendly websites are a crock and go completely against what the medical profession believes and what science has proven. There are studies with hard facts found through the scientific method that state that your "proof" is BS.
Honestly, you need to check your facts and attitude. Comparing your early loss to the loss of a husband or child that you have had considerable time to bond with was low and made you look worse than what Ojo said to you originally.
ITA with all of this. x 1000.
Also, OP, you need to STFU at this point. You're now trying to call more attention to your situation and I think you were hoping to drum up some more "Oh, poor you." support. You need to step back and take some time to yourself and get your emotions together.