Did it help you cope?

jcasey456 · September 2010

Is being pregnant again helping you cope with your loss? I had a still birth at 29 weeks and my DH and I are going to try again soon. I'm kind of hoping that (and this may not be the best way of wording it) but I'm kind of hoping it will help make things "okay" again. I feel like when we lost our daughter it set us back so far again. We just want a family and I want the way i feel... the pain i feel to get better again.

sevenonesix · September 2010

to be honest, yes it did. not entirely, though. It took us 7 cycles to get pregnant again and in all that time we had a lot of time to grieve and cope ourselves.

being pregnant doesn't make losing our first okay by any means, but it does take the sting away a bit - at least for me - at time. Though I still catch myself in fits of anger or pure sadness thinking of her. I think the biggest thing for me that it has helped with is knowing my body is working properly - because I really thought it was my fault.

I am so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine. Big hugs and GL TTCAL.

magdalina.h · September 2010

I don't think it's helped me cope.It's brought up a lot of emotions that I thought I had worked through already. I'm very excited, but I've noticed that I making this pregnancy about Aidan a lot. ie Aidan's going to be a big brother, when we find out, it will be Aidan's going to have a little....

I did have a lot of people say they thought I was pg because I've been happier.

jcasey456 · September 2010

natoshacooke:
to be honest, yes it did. not entirely, though. It took us 7 cycles to get pregnant again and in all that time we had a lot of time to grieve and cope ourselves.
being pregnant doesn't make losing our first okay by any means, but it does take the sting away a bit - at least for me - at time. Though I still catch myself in fits of anger or pure sadness thinking of her. I think the biggest thing for me that it has helped with is knowing my body is working properly - because I really thought it was my fault.
I am so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine. Big hugs and GL TTCAL.

I feel like it's my fault too. And somewhere in me i think I know there really isn't anything I could have done. But I still have an overwhelming feeling that its my fault and if I had just done this or hadn't done that she would still be here. Now I'm obsessed with ovulation kits and having blood work done and figuring out what is going on with my body because I feel like I wasn't paying as close of attention as I should have when I was pregnant.

sevenonesix · September 2010

jcasey456:
natoshacooke:
to be honest, yes it did. not entirely, though. It took us 7 cycles to get pregnant again and in all that time we had a lot of time to grieve and cope ourselves.
being pregnant doesn't make losing our first okay by any means, but it does take the sting away a bit - at least for me - at time. Though I still catch myself in fits of anger or pure sadness thinking of her. I think the biggest thing for me that it has helped with is knowing my body is working properly - because I really thought it was my fault.
I am so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine. Big hugs and GL TTCAL.

I feel like it's my fault too. And somewhere in me i think I know there really isn't anything I could have done. But I still have an overwhelming feeling that its my fault and if I had just done this or hadn't done that she would still be here. Now I'm obsessed with ovulation kits and having blood work done and figuring out what is going on with my body because I feel like I wasn't paying as close of attention as I should have when I was pregnant.

oh hon. *hugs* You're right, there's nothing you could have done (or not done). I remember those thoughts and they're the worst to have. I really hope you can work through all of these raw/fresh emotions - whether you get pregnant or not. Team up with your DH and ask him to really hold your heart.

I feel like I had to rip my heart out of my chest, give it to DH, and beg him to take care of it because I wasn't capable of doing such. He did a ddamn find job at it, but only because I trusted him enough to. And while he was gently taking care of me, I did the same for him.

*hugs*

sarahandeddiejune212008 · September 2010

I had an early m/c, so it is hard to compare your loss to mine. For me being pg again has changed my focus. My focus is on the current baby instead if dwelling on what could have/should have been. Although surviving any loss does make you more fearful of pregnancy is general. I wish you and your DH the best of luck. I am very sorry for your loss.

hopingwaiting · September 2010

Hmm, I wouldn't say it helped me cope exactly, since a bunch of issues came up being pregnant after a loss even after my first tri loss, but eventually it did help me look to the future and be happy again.

(((Hugs))).

vflipo · September 2010

I would have to say that time has done more for me than pregnancy has. It definitely helps some, but I still have the "what ifs" going on in my head. I could have a baby right now, I could be having one next month... It's been 5 months since my most recent loss, so I think about it less and less. But, every now and then, I'll have a moment where I think back to my losses. I still remember a lot of stupid little details. I don't cry anymore about them, but I do get sad sometimes. More angry than sad though, I think. It's hard to explain.

((hugs))

Scout05 · September 2010

No, not really. I don't know how I feel if I actually get to give birth, and bring a baby home with me. But for me, it just means I get to be in love with my new baby while still mourning the ones who are gone.

All my pregnancies have ended in heartbreak, so now I'm just scared and trying yo be prepared for another loss.

grr_aargh · September 2010

No, it didn't. Lots of other things helped - talking it out, participating on the boards, time, etc., but being pregnant again has never made the pain of my previous losses better.

EmKo0210 · September 2010

I'm so sorry for your loss. We lost our first daughter at 28 weeks back in December of last year. Being pregnant again hasn't really helped me cope although it did give me something to focus on besides our prior loss. A lot of emotions came up with this pregnancy that I didn't expect. Everyone is different, but for me it was important to take a little time before TTCAL and work through the grieving process. ((BIG HUGS)) and if you ever want to chat feel free to PM me.

Erin RN · September 2010

I'm so sorry for your loss:( Honestly I think it helped to some extent, but I still have the "what would we be doing right now" moments or the "we should be celebrating this". It has gotten better the closer I get to actually delivering because I'm so focused on him. I'm really okay with that feeling never going away, though. Its almost like it keeps them with me. If that makes any sense. I really wish you all the best in your journey ((((((hugs)))))))!!!

TwinMomma88 · September 2010

Honestly it does. We recently lost our daughter and we hadn't planned on getting pregnant again right away but obviously that wasn't in the plans for us. Being pregnant now gives both me and my husband the courage and strength to make it through such a hard time. But if your not ready to be pregnant again then don't try, just remember to lean on your family and friends and take time to grieve your loss.

spillthemoment · September 2010

My first loss was the stillbirth of my son, 12 years ago. I got pregnant again 6 months later (that pregnancy ended in a m/c at 6 weeks). To be honest that first year was very, very rough and I cannot imagine having had another baby at that time... I don't think it would have been a healthy thing for me, and in my experience the only thing that makes anything better is time.

Now, 12 years later I sort of feel like I am in the grieving process again because all those feelings have been brought to the surface and have really influenced my feelings/how I react.

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