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Hawaii Babies
must be a guy thing...
so Lisa recently posted about how she gets mad at Ben for parking the boys in front of some toys while he plays on his computer instead of actively playing with them, esp when they are only up for a little bit before going back to sleep....
I feel the same way and am constantly asking DH to actually play w/her instead of leaving her to play by herself
after reading Lisa's comment the other day ...I came home from working a half day (it was a Saturday) and I ask him, "did you spend a lot of time w/her today?" he replied emphatically, "yes!!" I then ask, "you mean actively playing w/her and not just leaving her in the exersaucer?" again, he says "yes, of course!" so I probe further and ask, "so how much time did you spend actively playing with her then?" his answer? "45 minutes"
she was asleep when i left for work and woke up at 10am, then went back down for a nap at 1pm. so basically she was up from 10am to 1pm and of those 3 waking hours, he only spent 45 minutes actively engaging her. the rest of the time she was plopped in the exersaucer while he was on his computer!! he only spent 25% of her waking hours playing w/her 
and the thing that gets me is that he genuinely feels like 45 minutes is A LOT of time and he was a good parent for spending so much time with her. Grrrrr. I don't get it. I feel bad just leaving her to go shower, so most of the time I don't. I wait until DH is home so he can take her, or I wait until she has gone to bed at night. What gives?
so after reading Lisa's comment the other day, I think this must be a guy thing....
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Re: must be a guy thing...
It's weird, isn't it? It's a conversation Ben and I have had over and over and over, and I know he gets what I'm saying - he's not just saying, "Mmmhmm, whatever," he really does understand the point I'm making and he always says he'll try harder...and yet we continually cycle back to the same place.
And yeah, I've gotten those "But I spent 15/20/30 minutes playing with them earlier today!" Well, that's nice, but they're awake for longer than that and just because you did it earlier today doesn't mean that you don't have to do it again. Babies are all about repetition.
I think a big part of the problem (and I know this will sound bad) is that he finds playing with them boring. And to be honest (this will sound even worse), so do I to a certain extent. Playing "This Little Piggy" is only interesting for so long, as are their toys and books, and that's because those things aren't designed to keep adults interested.
But I look at it from a long term point of view, as an investment in their future - even if I'm not thrilled to my bones every second, this activity and interaction helps them in their development: their motor development, their hand-eye coordination, future literacy, etc. I think that Ben gets too caught up in the "But this is boooooring right now" side of things instead of saying, "Yeah, reading Green Eggs and Ham for the 95th time blows. But they love it and if it helps set them up for a lifelong love of reading, then I'll do it."
That's just the theory I'm working with right now. I could be totally full of sh!t.
ETA: I should add that part of the reason I have this theory is because that's how we are in other aspects of life as well - I'm much more of a planner and he's more of an "in the now" person. Which is good because we balance out each others strengths and weaknesses, but it really comes to the front with things like this.
I think your theory makes sense!! and I am with you on the play not being that fun/exciting all the time for us as parents...but the times when their faces light up when you do something or they figure something out for the first time themselves is priceless.
It's like today she stood unassisted for me for the first time and he was all upset that he missed it... granted, he was at work so it's not like he was at home and missed it...but I just thought to myself "even if you were at home you might have missed it, too, b/c you don't spend that much time playing w/her." the reason why i get to see most of her milestones is b/c i am usually right there encouraging her to reach them.
Jaime & Brent
Oahu, Hawaii | Sept. 9, 2005
My Food Blog - Good Eats 'n Sweet Treats
Oh I totally agree - just not ALL the time.
I had just sat down to read this forum whilst I was having lunch, Samara having just woken up, been fed and put down on the playrug while I finished off the rest of my lunch. I looked over at her and saw she couldn't reach a certain toy so I went over and picked it up for her and shook it a little over her face
(It's this toy)
Anyhoo, it's made of hard plastic and is weighty like a paperweight and....it fell out of my hand and landed on her face.
So, I've just spent the last 20 minutes consoling her and damning you all for making me play with her
Moral of this story: My kid is safer playing without me
JUST WAIT...
Until they start crawling/walking... They will have to watch them because they will be moving all over the place, tearing through toy bins, tugging on their pant legs, opening drawers, emptying drawers, walking in front of the TV, hogging the remote, putting things in their mouth that they find on the floor, trying to climb up stairs, pulling up on everything, pushing laundry baskets around in circles, re-arranging your dining room chairs, crumpling paper, messing up your stacks of bills, pulling magnets off the fridge, emptying stacks of coasters into the bucket on their walker, falling on their bum again and again, climbing onto chairs, over obstacles, rattling baby gates and/or pushing them over...
This is actually not at all an exaggeration.
Malia & Dave & Alexa
Happily married since 2-17-08! Three since 9-9-09!
Baby Blog
I must be a bad person, because I totally laughed.
I'm not saying you have to spend every second playing with them (my guys get regular independent play time on their activity mat), but there's a difference between that and just parking them in a bouncer/exersaucer/etc and ignoring them.
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!
Malia & Dave & Alexa
Happily married since 2-17-08! Three since 9-9-09!
Baby Blog
LOL ahhh the things we have to look forward to.
For me, I like to watch him play and see what he discovers. I want to encourage him to learn to play by himself, b/c likely he's going to be an only child. But he is also at the stage where just about every room in our house has some danger (or something we prefer he doesn't touch) - so you have to constantly be redirecting him to something safe if you're not directly interacting with him.
I have to give DH props on this one - since he is a SAHD, he knows he can't put him in the exersaucer all day, b/c DS won't stand for it - he wants to MOVE! lol
sigh. i worry about this. MH is pretty much glued to his laptop at home. hopefully that changes once the baby's here...
Tina - I totally laughed too. Poor Sam - but I'm sure she's fine!
and Malia - haha, thanks for the reality check
I can totally vouch for this as well
I have to say my DH has always been and still is very involved in playing & keeping DD occupied.......except when I am home. He loves to run around and so does she so on his days off from work (when I'm at work) they run errands, go to the park, the children's museum, etc. But by the time I get home, he's ready to hand her over so he can watch TV or play on the computer or his video games....which I understand, but dude, I have been at work all day
.
It's so difficult to find a balance. And what is it with guys and the TV/video games anyway? Guess they never grow out of it?
this exactly. I try to strike a good balance between independent play and interactive/engaging play. often I am sitting beside her, watching her play and when she looks bored with one thing I redirect her towards something new. I try to show her different things to stimulate her brain based on her age/development (for instance, even though she is too young to know how to stack blocks, i do it in front of her while she is playing w/her blocks so she can see/learn).
Malia - everything you described is exactly why DH parks her in the exersaucer...so he doesn't have to chase her around and he can do his own thing!
Tina - awww don't feel bad. both about dropping the toy and about stopping to eat. we all have to eat!! i'm not saying you shouldn't set them down to play while you eat...but like Lisa said, there's a difference between doing that for a few moments while you eat vs leaving them there for hours on end while you ignore them and play around on the internet
Jaime & Brent
Oahu, Hawaii | Sept. 9, 2005
My Food Blog - Good Eats 'n Sweet Treats
I want to know too - since DH is a SAHD, I get DS as soon as I walk into the door. I'm with you "dude, I've been at work all day!" I realize it's his "job" to watch the baby all day, and he needs a break, so I take him for awhile and then we switch on and off whenever one of us needs to do something. I go to bed with DS, but then DH will stay up all night on the computer or playing video games... I.just.dont.get.it.
Jaime, doesn't A complain about being in the exersaucer? B will make his dislike for being contained known and you can't ignore him!
for the most part, no. she is a really easy going baby and she will sit there and play forever in it! the only time she usually fusses is when she is tired and ready for her nap. i think when she does fuss, he picks her up and plays w/her for like 5 min, then puts her back down and she is content to play in it for a while longer....
ETA: oh and i think if the above doesn't work, then he just takes her out of the exersaucer (which he puts in his office when he is "watching" her) and puts her on the floor. he said she just crawls over to him at his desk and will stand there, holding onto his leg for a while (probably thinking "play w/me daddy"!)
Jaime & Brent
Oahu, Hawaii | Sept. 9, 2005
My Food Blog - Good Eats 'n Sweet Treats
I think we all need a break now and then, especially when you're frustrated. And since you don't do it everyday, that's a bonus for Ben!
Total guy thing. I think J is getting better about it, but he also parks her in her jumperoo for more time in the day than I am comfortable with...she does like it but I hate that he'll use it multiple times/day. I get that he's the one home with her fulltime and I cannot dictate what he does while I am at work. I think using the jumperoo to keep her contained while he cooks dinner is fine, but to put her in there several times a day bugs me. I keep reminding him that she's more mobile now and needs time to be on the floor, exploring, etc.
He does get down on the floor with her though and makes sure to read to her several times a day. I just got some more books for them because I know he was getting bored with some of the ones we had (he had memorized them and started to make up silly voices, etc. which is fun, but I could tell he was pretty much over those books for now).
To be fair, when he's on the computer it is for school, but still, he could plan his computer time for when she's down for a nap. Sadly, she's not one of those babies who goes down for 2-3 hours at a time. We get one hour when she naps...no more and no less. And he actually sold our XBox 360 after she was born...so video games aren't really an issue in our household.
When I am at home I will often times pop her in the carrier and wear her while doing chores, etc. She seems to enjoy it and I narrate the whole time, like "now we're putting the groceries away...see this? It's an apple...let's put it in the bowl." And I'll fold laundry in her room while she plays on the floor next to me. Sometimes she'll reach over and pull the basket over and then play with the wash cloths, etc. which is fun for her and lets me get the rest of the laundry folded and put away.
Now that our weather is not 90+ degrees, I've asked that he plan to take her to our neighborhood park for an hour or so each morning. I think if he does that she may nap longer which will help him have some uninterrupted study time.
My brother is a SAHD and has two kids of his own (13 and 8) and two foster kids (5 and 2)...their family room is kid proof and while I was there last week he'd place the 5 and 2 year old in the kid proof area with Nick Jr. on and let them play while he surfed the net...for an hour! I was appalled but didn't say anything. Again, the kids are safe and enjoyed playing while having the TV on, but I certainly would not do that in my house. In fact, in all three houses we stayed in last week all of them put the TV on for their young children (all aged 5 and under)...it was such a stark contrast to our household...no TV on when Libby is awake and then, we usually chose to surf the 'net than watch TV. In fact I am considering canceling our cable altogether and going with a Roku instead (https://www.roku.com/) or just doing away with TV totally. Have to talk my mom into though...
I think, in general, people lose their creativity when it comes to playing with babies and small children. Libby is in love with one of my empty shoeboxes...she loves it when I put her toys in it...and will spend 30 minutes just dumping it out, playing with the toys, banging on the back of the box like a drum, etc. I engage her in these activities at first and then she'll play on her own. Dads might need more help coming up with fun games like this...or being encouraged to put kiddo on a blanket in the backyard and let baby feel the grass and see the trees, etc. Or take them to the local park and swing for 15-20 minutes.
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