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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
HappyLaLa0914
member
The mail made me cry (vent...long)
HappyLaLa0914
member
Well - really it was what I received in the mail yesterday. Very few people know we were pregnant and had a miscarriage - only our immediate family and very close friends. One of the couples that we're close with and knows what happened to us are expecting their first baby in December. They sent me flowers when they found out we lost the baby, and checked in on me once the day after I had my DE&C, but since then, we haven't heard from them at all. That's ok - a lot of people just don't know what to say and I get that.
Yesterday, however, I was the first one home from work so I was the one to grab the mail. I have been receiving a lot of cards and things from friends and family lately, just letting me know that they're thinking about me, so I opened a blue envelope addressed to me thinking that's what it was.
Nope. What was it? The invitation to the aforementioned friends' baby shower. It was like a slap in the face and it made me burst into tears. Don't get me wrong...I'm so happy for them. And I'm sure this wasn't sent maliciously. But, in my opinion, it was incredibly thoughtless and insensitive. Yesterday was exactly 2 weeks since I had my DE&C - I really was not ready to get something like that in the mail. Not to mention that the shower isn't until October 16, so it's not like I needed to get it so soon.
I mean, all it would have taken was a phone call to my DH to let him know they were sending it to give me a heads-up and see if perhaps they should just hold it until we see them next.
I certainly don't expect people to tip-toe around me, but honestly. That was just too much. 
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Re: The mail made me cry (vent...long)
I'm sorry it made you feel so bad. As you said, I'm sure it wasn't malicious and maybe they thought you would be upset if you didn't get the invite when others did?
Regardless, you are allowed to be hurt and angry. I'm sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry. I am sure they didn't intend to cause you any pain, and really they probably didn't think. We experience things very differently than others do who have not shared in this kind of loss. Now that I am on the 'otherr side' of miscarriage, I can see the mistakes I made when friends miscarried - I just didn't understand. Your friends didn't understand either, although I know what you mean by saying it feels like a slap in the face. I have a friend who is due today -- she has been so sweet and senstitive to my loss. I know seeing her baby's pictures (and eventually, her baby) will be hard for me, but I am so happy for her. And I expect her joy to cloud out any rational thoughts of being 'sensitive' to my loss. I just hope to share in her joy despite my pain. People do not feel the same loss that we do, when they have not experienced it - and their joy will overwhelm their natural tendencies to slow down and be sensitive. They're only human, forgive them. We are only human too - it is okay for us to feel like CRAP when we see others' joy, to be angry, jealous, etc. But remember, very few people out there are maliciously intending to hurt us after we have suffered such a terrible loss. They just don't know what to do. Forgive, and continue to grieve....
I'm so sorry.