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South Florida Babies
Couple Friends - Need Advice
What is your situation with friends, especially couple friends?
I have a handful of friends who I see off and on, not as much as I would like to, but life is busy and I have kids so I do the best I can. My husband has aquaintances he calls friends but no one he goes out with or does anything with on his own (he would never grab a beer or go to a movie with "the guys").
We have a few friends who are in relationships or are married, some even have kids. It usually ends up that one of us is better friends with one part of the couple and the others tag along. I have a new girlfriend who has started to get really involved in my life. I like her a lot and I have a great time with her but my DH has NOTHING in common with either of them or thier friends. He begs me not to see them because he'd rather have a root canal than try to make small talk. It's a bit like the computer nerd vs. the quarterback/head cheerleader in high school. We are really, really different and I honestly think she is drawn to me because I'm the only one she knows with kids (she has a 5 month old) since all of her friends are still young, single, and very "Sex In The City".
SO - very long story short, what do I do? Do I ditch her completely or just ward off her attempts at couple gtgs? Our kids have less in common than our husbands but she is still really interested. What's your take? Can I tell my DH to suck it up every now and again?
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Re: Couple Friends - Need Advice
Can you do girls nights with her?
I would say ask DH to suck it up, but not very often. I know my DH has a few friends whose spouses I would rather not hang out with, but i do b/c he's friends with them. But it's not often at all!! If you like her and have a good time, don't ditch her completely. From your post, it's hard to tell if you enjoy hanging out with her or if you do it because you feel bad for her.
this is what I was wondering, do you like hanging out with her? It's hard to tell.
That was going to be my opinion. I'd keep it to girls only events (ie, shopping, play dates w/ kids, lunch, coffee, etc). If she insists on couples outing, then every once in a while, I'd have your DH give in and suck it up. DH has a friend that I'm not fond of his wife... but on occassion, it is necessary. I try to limit those outings.
GL
"If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane" -- Jimmy Buffett
You do enjoy spending time with her...so like the ladies say, I would try to keep it mainly to girl events. If you wish to do a couples event once in a blue moon, then I would talk to your husband about it.
It is hard to balance hubby, kids, friends, etc. We also get into similar issues but in reality we have to try and balance our lives and nurture the relationships we care about!
BFP #3: 01/28/12, EDD: 09/23/12, MMC (BO), D&C 2/16/12 at 6.5 wks
BFP #4: 05/23/12, EDD: 01/31/12, Early MC at 5 wks
RPL Workup: + LPD (7DPO Prog = 7.8, Endometrial Bx = out of phase)
Elevated Alpha 2-glycoprotein IgA and antiphosphatidylserine IgM -->
Hematologist said not to worry and no need for treatment!
Dx: LPD
Cycle #1(08/2012): Clomid 50 mg CD3-7, Ovidrel CD13 + Progesterone = It worked!
BFP #5 on 09/10/12 (11 DPO). HCG #1 @ 14DPO = 131.6 HCG #2 @ 16DPO = 509
EDD: 05/23/2013
I say keep it girls only and you are absolutely crazy for thinking that, I'm sure you're way cooler than she is!
"I feel she's way out of my league (I know that's weird) and some day she'll realize that. I often wonder if I'm part of some nerd makeover project for her."
Are you nuts!!! You're an amazing friend and person which is why people like spending time with you.
I'd also recommend trying to mainly do girl's outings, but if she's pushing for couple things and you enjoy her company, then do you have any other couple friends that might help bridge the gap - someone for everyone to talk to and hang out with w/out requiring your DH to have to make small talk? Or maybe your DH can choose to spend a lot of time at couple events watching the kids so that he's not really "free" to have to make small talk - that's what mine seems to end up doing, though admittedly it's just because he loves being with the kids.And to answer your main question, yes, you can tell your DH to suck it up occasionally, but don't tell him I said so!
Silly girl. Way out of your league. Sounds like you have a girl crush
You are a wonderful friend and she is lucky to have you!
I have a friend who Josh does not like and I will admit it has put a serious dent in our relationship but I think distance has also helped with that. I would do girls outings and maybe leave the kids with W as an excuse
I agree with the lot. Keep it to a girls thing, shopping, etc. DH comes first...so dont torture him! LOL If she insists on a couples outting, suggest a movie so there won't be much chit chat. hehee
Jason & Patricia 5/28/06
OMG!!! Are you nuts????? You are always on top of everything stylish and trendy. In the 7-ish years I've known you, anytime someone asks where to find something, you always know exactly where to go and the websites you direct people to are always amazing. You definitely underestimate yourself.
Anyway, I can tell you that although my husband isn't shy or anything like that, it takes him a very long time to warm up in strange social situations. It's a good thing I'm a talker and can carry an entire conversation with a room full of people on my own, but I personally find that its easier to leave him home when I know he is not going to be comfortable. I end up feeling like I have to babysit him.
So I think girl's night it is.
Can I just say that if she even unconcsiously makes you feel uncool, less than awesome, or like a "make over" project then I don't think she is the right kind of friend for you. You are awesome and deserve to spend time with people friends who do not make you doubt yourself. JMHO.
Maybe Walt is like Abel and has a six sense about people and its more than not having anything in common with her husband. Therefore, I would not ditch her but I would minimize the time you spend with her, limit it to girl things, and let the relationship take its natural course.
first of all, i'm gonna wring your neck...YOU'RE AWESOME and so interesting...of COURSE she wants to hang out with you!
secondly, i would leave my husband out of it. just have a girls' day or night and spare him.