If you could, would you?!?!

lsugirl3 · September 2010

If you could be a SAHM, would you? I'm torn between this option/discussion. Being a SAHM was not in our plans, but could be an option for me, since we really don't need my income. (Sorry ahead of time for the long post, but can really use the support and thoughts).

Background: I work for my parents in a family owned business where I help my mom and sis run the office. The business has greatly expanded and we are all working like chickens with our heads cut off all day. I am able to bring my LO to work with me. Seeing as this sounds like a dream come true, (it is wonderful that my parents allow me this option), I don't get a lot of work done when she's there, and when I do get work done, I feel like I am pushing her to the side to do my "job"! Basically feeling like I am doing half of each job!!! It sucks! My MIL watches LO about two days a week so I get work done on those days, but wish I was the one at home with my baby!!!

I'm sure my parents would be open to me working part time, I just have to decide if I would want to give up the extra money we are saving with me working. We would like to save a lot of money so that we can put a larger downpayment on our next house. (Hoping to move next summer). I guess I'm just asking myself.... do I work now and save up while she doesn't really know what is going on, or do I stay at home to spend as much time with her as possible, since they are only this little once??? I feel like a terrible mom, since I am torn and this decision isn't just easily made.

*** Also, a little concerned about how me SAH would effect DH and my relationship. Things are great now, but I just hope he wouldn't someday pull the "you aren't contributing card - financially anyway" or something - heard this happens to come couples.

Anyone else know how it feels? What would you do?

greengirl0909 · September 2010

I always swore I couldn't handle being a SAHM. Now that LO is here, I'd love to be able to work part time. It's not in the cards for us financially so I'm trying to keep a positive attitude. I'm also taking some additional classes so I can change positions to at least make my job less time consuming for us.

Shandie_725 · September 2010

I'm a SAHM right now, but not really by choice (thanks economy). I really would love to have a job right now, even if it was part time. Just time to get "away" from LO (not in a bad way, but just needing a break) and also to have my own money to spend. I'm constantly running any plans I have by DH since he makes the money now, whereas if I had a job, I'd take the money and do what I want/when I want, as long as there were no impending serious bills.

TBH, DH has pulled the "you aren't contributing financially" card when we've fought (he doesn't fight fair, he admits). He always apologizes after, thankfully.

Could you do a trial run of PT or SAH, to see how you like it?

kwinters87 · September 2010

I was a SAHM for 2 months and while I loved the time with DD, I was going a little bit stir crazy (thanks ppd) and went back to work for my family part time. It's one of the best decisions I've made. I love being a part time worker!

Or another idea, is there any of the office work that you could do from home? I use gotomypc.com to connect to a work computer and do some of my stuff from home.

rlscheck · September 2010

I was originally going to go back part-time just for the income contribution. I've decided to be a SAHM though. We can pay the bills on DH's income, but we won't be moving forward or gaining at all (very little saving), we will just be "standing still". To me it is so worth it.

I've been used to buying clothes as I've wanted, saving and going on trips or spending the night in a hotel, eating out, etc. It's totally a change because we can't do any of that anymore, but when I look at my little girl's smile everyday as we play, I don't regret my decision at all.

Edit: I have a great DH by the way, he is so supportive of me staying home and taking care of his daughter. To him that is worth more than any income I could bring in.

KKWISC · September 2010

I consider myself a SAHM. I work for my husband doing the book work for his health food stores. I bring DS to work with me about 15 hours a week. If I could stay home full time I'm not sure if I would. I like helping out my husband and I'm an accounting nut.

I had the same feeling you had that I wasn't being an attentive mom and I was doing a bad job at work. I make sure to make my days at work only 3-4 hours at the most and I try and get out a couple days a week during work like to the bank or to the store for supplies. I have a really lax schedule. I usually work in the morning because thats when DS is sleeping and if we have a bad night we go in later. If he is having a bad day at work we just go home and work a short day.

If I were in your shoes I would cut back on hours and see if your happier, go from there.

Good Luck! PM if you want to chat more.

Jennicap · September 2010

prior to the birth of my son I have always said I'm not the SAH type, I need a job outside the home I need to feel productive. 5 weeks PP I confessed to DH that I would stay home in a heartbeat but I am the bread winner of the house so my income is the one that matters, DH could stay home if he wanted to but he loves his job. the money we put in savings would go to daycare (and a little more) each month so I switched to 2nd shift so we can avoid daycare, that is really my biggest concern I didn't want LO in daycare so young. I say if you have a goal and your ILs are watching your LO then why not keep working. If you want to go down to part time 2-3 days a week then do that and you'll be the most productive if you still have your ILs watch LO!

MonkeyMamma · September 2010

i am a SAHM and wouldnt trade it for anything, i quite working when i had problems at work since like you all we did was save my money never even touched it. at that point we just moved into a family farmhouse that is now ours. but needed alot of work (painting and staining) so i did all of that work and was looking for a job but found out i was preggo and dh told me not to get a job hed rather i was the one home with our child not a babysitter or even one of our parents, i dont think i could stand knowing my mother or mil was home with my child not me! i dont think i could stand missing any firsts or anything like that i love the bond i have with lo. im not going to lie yes i do go stir crazy from time to time but i also live out in the middle of bum f*** egypt... and is 45 miles to the nearest big shopping or anything lol we have a local store and post office and little diner but thats it our population is 214 people! i dont wish i had a job dh may work but i work at home 24/7 so the money is ours not his or mine.

BelleIsa · September 2010

I'm a SAHM now (not by choice, I'm not allowed to work in China where my DH is posted). There are days where I wish I could have a job to go to to 'get away'. And there are days that I love being at home with her and couldn't imagine having to leave her to go to work. I can see how much DH misses because he's gone all day (her first smile, her first laugh etc.). I'm still trying to figure out how to strike a balance. I've found that having one thing to do outside the house each day helps. Like, Mondays I have a play group with other moms, Tuesdays I meet DH for lunch with DD, Wednesdays I have baby yoga with DD, Thursdays I do the grocery shopping, Fridays I meet friends for coffee. Once a week I leave DD with our maid/nanny for the morning and I get my nails and hair done and sit in a Starbucks to have a cup of coffee on my own.

As for how it affects your marriage, well that depends on what kind of relationship you have. My DH has never ONCE pulled the 'you don't contribute' card. He's incredibly supportive and even complains that I don't spend enough money on myself. I consider what he makes to be 'our' money and have never had issues where I felt I had to ask for money so maybe that helps. I consider what I do (raising our daughter, keeping our home clean and organized, taking care of all the administrative issues to do with living abroad in order, managing our properties back in Canada etc.) to be my contribution and I consider my contribution to be equal to his.

I think it also helps that money isn't an issue at all. We're more than comfortable so there isn't the stress of having to budget or manage money...

doremi29 · September 2010

I would absolutely love it- but it's defianately not for everyone, nor does it make financial sense for us. DH was on a temporary layoff this summer and just went back to work so he had ample time to see how much work it truly is to be home with DS so I doubt he'd play the contribution game but you never know I guess.

naylon511 · September 2010

I never thought I could be a SAHM but I've actually been out of work since April (bed rest then mat leave) and I don't go back until November. It's been so nice.

We have the option for me to SAH, and I'm thankful for that. I've decided to try to back P/T and see how that goes. If I hate it, then I'll SAH and at least I've given both a try.

I definitely don't want to work FT as I have to commute to work and back and it would mean a nanny 12 hrs a day (there are few local daycares and none open late enough for my work day).

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