Special Needs
Feeling jealous/wistful?
In the past few weeks, about 3 people in my family/extended family have announced their pregnancies. I'm happy for all of them, excited for all of them, and know that they all will be great moms - they all are expecting their second babies.
But then there's that part of me that feels jealous and sad and wistful, for myself. When DD was diagnosed with ASD, DH and I had a long talk about having vs not having another baby. I know that there is a possiblity of baby #2 coming out with ASD also, but that's not a given. However, I know how *I* operate, and I know that I just won't be able to emotionally do it, for a variety of reasons that i am sure all of you ladies have thought of once before too. I know a baby with ASD is just as wonderful and special a baby as one without ASD, but I just know *I* am not necessarily strong enough.
And it just makes me sad that that decision was already made for me, somewhat. And I'm really excited for these new 2nd time around moms, but also a little sad and having a pity party for myself because I probably won't ever get to be one of them.
/end pity party.
But then there's that part of me that feels jealous and sad and wistful, for myself. When DD was diagnosed with ASD, DH and I had a long talk about having vs not having another baby. I know that there is a possiblity of baby #2 coming out with ASD also, but that's not a given. However, I know how *I* operate, and I know that I just won't be able to emotionally do it, for a variety of reasons that i am sure all of you ladies have thought of once before too. I know a baby with ASD is just as wonderful and special a baby as one without ASD, but I just know *I* am not necessarily strong enough.
And it just makes me sad that that decision was already made for me, somewhat. And I'm really excited for these new 2nd time around moms, but also a little sad and having a pity party for myself because I probably won't ever get to be one of them.
/end pity party.
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Re: Feeling jealous/wistful?
I recently went through these same kinds of feeling, it really put me in a bad space, I had thought about going to see someone. I just stopped my BC pills b/c the effect of the BC pills brought these above feelings to dizzing levels.
I am feeling so much better, a combo of time and the return to my own natural hormones.
I just cant do it, I feel a lil robbed, I feel guilty for not wanting to take the chance, and super guilty b/c my fear is not the condition that my children have, but having to deal w/ something much "worse" (realtive to each persons situation) I feel like if I am this broken from dealing w/ the stuff my two kids have gone through if I had to deal w/ something more severe I would break. I can't do it.
Max 4-08-08 and Michael 2-03-91 (19 years olds)
There are second babies popping up all over my facebook these days. Most have 1st kids younger than Kelsey. It stinks.
I totally, totally understand where you're coming from. DH has completely shut down the idea of having another child due to DD's condition being incurable and terminal. He says that having another child would be akin to murder. I'm praying he changes his mind.
On top of that...my cousin just announced she's KU with her 4th child. Her other three are perfectly healthy. And her husband is his own cousin! Yep, his mom and dad are brother and sister!! And he and my cousin are still having healthy children. How in the world is that fair?! Not that I want someone to have unhealthy children...I guess I'm just a little bitter right now.