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northernvabride
member
older child (2+ year olds) sleeping habits/bedtime (LONG)
northernvabride
member
So DD just turned 2 and we still try to keep bedtime at 8pm. Lately, she fights that and starts screaming when we leave the room, so we go back in and play for 15 more minutes and then she decides she is ready for bed around 8:15-8:30. I still want to keep her bedtime at 8pm so I try to get bedtime started earlier each night, so the extra playtime still puts us at 8pm, but we usually are running late by the time we get in from our walk. Anyway, she has also started to wake up several times a night calling for mommy and daddy (she is still in a crib). Some nights I go in and soothe her in about 30 seconds and go back to bed and she'll be calling for us again 10 minutes later. Other nights, I go in and she takes a little longer, wants to go see the other sleeping parent and then will last a few more hours before waking up and wanting to do it all over again. I have tried not going in, but then she usually gets really upset and starts really crying, which won't help her get back to sleep.
So, is anyone else going through this? What time does your 2 YO go to bed? DD usually sleeps from 8-6:30 and has for the last year. I don't think it is time to push back bedtime, but DH thinks she may be old enough for a later bedtime. I worry that she has "trained us" to go in to her now, so when she wakes up she knows instead of going back to sleep on her own, she can call us and we'll come to her. I keep thinking that we have to go cold turkey on her and not go in but then she starts crying and I lose my nerve. Somehow I feel bad now that she is older and knows what is going on if we leave her to cry, since she might feel like we've left her or don't care that she is crying. Am I overthinking this?
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Re: older child (2+ year olds) sleeping habits/bedtime (LONG)
Sadly - it is mostly due to the new baby and adjustments. DD went through the exact same thing. She would stall going to bed, be very needy at bedtime, and then have nightmares several times a night. This is just starting to subside as we near the 6mo mark. I have heard this from friends as well - it's usually about a 6mo transition.
Previously she was a 7-7 sleeper....now it is more like 7:30-8 till about 6:45. With about a 2hr nap at daycare. We have tried to start some bedtime routines a little bit earlier just so we can try to have her in bed no later then 7:30 because she normally will play in bed a half hour before falling asleep.
yep, same here, started around the time we put DD into the big girl bed/room and DS arrived. nightmares at this age are very common. DH now puts her to bed but I'm there too (he then stays w/ her before leaving). She will sometimes refuse to kiss me good night or wants "last one" several times. Once I leave the room, I do not go back, the same for DH. Bedtime is bedtime! In the middle of the night, when she wakes up, she will usually go back to sleep by herself.
It's a hard stage - b/c they do understand now but even though it's heartbreaking, I think not going in and not giving into demands is going to benefit the child in the long run.
I think she may need a later bedtime. My DD stopped napping consistently when she was a little older than 2 and by 2 1/2 stopped naps all together, and her bedtime got later. Sleep patterns change with kids, some kids don't need as much sleep during certain times.
I also think a walk before bed might be hyping her up, personally. I just think things change and different ages kids need different things to work for bedtime. I know I can't give my child a bath before bed anymore because it hypes her up and she runs around and then I can't get her settled down.
When my daughter stopped her naps, she slept SO MUCH better at night, it was night and day, she stopped waking up at night. She was also in a regular bed before she was 2. If she naps now, she will not go to bed at a decent hour.
DD went through something somewhat similar just after she turned 2 (though we didn't have to deal with night waking). Background: we had switched her into a full-size bed with rails recently, though she'd adjusted well and slept well with no problems for weeks. DS hadn't arrived yet - luckily she got over her "phase" right beforehand. She went to bed anytime between 8-9pm and was taking a 2-hour nap every afternoon. Because she still needed that nap and would sleep past 8am every day, I didn't think that she needed to cut back her sleep amounts.
She was all about calling us in multiple times, asking for more water or stuffed animals, wanting us to stay with her, etc. At first it was hard to tell if she truly needed reassurance or was just using typical two-year-old manipulation tactics...pretty quickly I was leaning toward the latter. I could tell from her crying / screaming that it was her Angry-Because-You're-Not-Doing-What-I-Want Fussing, not her Upset and/or Scared Fussing.
We tried all kinds of ideas, like shortening/elongating the bedtime routine, moving bedtime earlier/later, messing around with nap times, having index cards that she used to "check off" all the steps of the routine like it was a game (so that when they were all gone, it was time to sleep), going in with every request (DH's coddling drove me nuts), being stern (like Artslvr did), etc. After weeks of fussing binges every night, I convinced DH the Softie to stop going in for any reason. We had nothing to lose, since no other methods were working. When we said goodnight we were clear that we weren't coming back in (unless she really needed something, of course). After two nights, she stopped. And never did it again. And we were all much happier. She naturally gave up her nap about three months later, but that didn't affect her nightly sleep much.
I don't know if any of that is helpful...just explaining our experience and what eventually worked for us. Good luck!
DD started this 2 nights ago. She is 28 months and still in her crib. She's always been behind the average curve in terms of sleep needs- she needed 2 naps a longer than most her peers, and she sleeps longer at night than most, too, so I'm guessing she is hitting the same milestone as all the other posters' 24 mo. Even though she needed more sleep, she's always been a great sleeper until now. She goes to bed about 7:30 and wakes at 6:30. DH has been out of town. He is planning on bringing a bear or sleep shirt back with him that we are going to pitch as a Very Special Happy Sleep Shirt (or somesuch). I also tried a night light, but that didn't seem to help. Her baby brother is in the room, so CIO is a little more complicated for us, but I think that may be the only real solution.
I hope you'll post updates. I need all the help/advice I can get!
YES - this part is key. I mean, at two years old, they understand a lot - and a simple explanation of "once you're in bed, we expect you to sleep, and we're not coming in" is not beyond their comprehension. Even at 3 1/2 DD #1 still pulls the "mommy! I need..." and I have to go in and remind her that we expect her to close her eyes and go to sleep, and I'm not coming back in here.
This for us too. She was also ready for a big girl bed and once we moved her into that and stopped naps, she started sleeping all night again.