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hterry85
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Correct me if I am wrong on this
hterry85
member
DH called ss preschool to see what he needs to bring with (court order? birth certificate?) to the open house this week to be able to call and get info, be on the mailing list, etc. During this discussion the person at the preschool said that if BM filled out a form saying who could pick up ss (not saying that she had or hadn't, just speaking generically) only those people could pick him up. Basically if BM didn't put DH on the list, too bad, so sad for DH. But they have JOINT leagal custody, so it's my understanding he does not needs BMs permission to pick his own child up from school? He just needs to present the birth certificate/court order/id showing who he is? DH probably won't bother with it, as we can't forsee any circumstance where the start/end times for preschool would overlap with visitation time...but for future reference, am I right on this?
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Re: Correct me if I am wrong on this
I give the school our CO because ex doesn't have any parenting time during the school week, so I don't want him to be able to go and pick him up (unless I write a note). Your DH should certainly be listed as "dad" and on the emergency pick up list though.
ETA: If your CO shows that DH doesn't have parenting time overlapping preschool, showing the CO might further prove he CAN'T pick him up.
This was always my understanding as to how it worked, that why I wanted to ask.
And, llumine I agree he should fight it just on principle if not for any other reason. But unfortunatly DH is much more passive about these things than I am. I also think he is already overwhelmed with everything else going.
But as I stated, the woman from the school did not say that BM did exclude DH from the list, but was only speaking generically. She may not have filled one out, or if she did she may have put DH on it.
AAHHH! I remember these days!
So with us, my DH took the CO agreement to the after school care so they knew what the arrangement was. YES, BM did and would always to not include me on the list of being able to pick up the kids so it became a constant argument of how ridiculous it was that she has no say on our days as to who can and can't pick up the kids.
Granted it was rare that I picked up the kids and DH and ex made an agreement to let the other person know who was picking kids up if it wasn't them.
As long as DH has rights during the week, he has the ability to pick them up and he has the right to put who else is an emergency contact. That was the other big thing. She would put her new DH and her mom down but not me or my DH's parents.
Now the kids are old enough to stay home and we don't deal with this AND things are much better right now with DH's ex.
At our school you can't exclude a bio parent unless you have a CO.
BUT, DH has primary custody in reference to school. (He is the custodial parent for paperwork, and we are her primary residence). So he is the only one who can add people to the emergency paperwork. BM can't at this point, and can't approve someone not on the list to pick up SD.
DH and BM have joint physical and joint legal custody.
DH always provides the school (daycare) with a copy of the most current custody order.
As far as daycare went, each parent filled out their own emergency contact form and pick-up form. So BM listed her 3 and DH listed his 3 - and depending on who had custody would have determined who was called (there never was an emergency - knock on wood).
If we did not have weekday custody - DH would have still insisted that he be listed as the emergency contact and as a pick-up.
He is the father, he should be allowed to pick up, esp if they have 50/50 custody.
I know when I was a child, my dad was not allowed to get me or my sister from school, but my mom had sole custody of us, and he constantly threatned to kidnap us. So, every year, my mom had to bring in their decree and specifically have it in our files to not allow him to pick us up and call police if he ever tried. But she had to do this every year, or they would have just handed us over because well... he's our dad.
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I believe that BM has to authorize your DH to be able to pick up the child. For instance my daughters birth certificate is not accurate. The school system will not look at it period, even if the person brought a copy to the school, they will only release my daughter to the people I have listed on the form.
Showing the court order is optional. I have given the school a copy just to prove that I am her only parent.But the our school system said it was my choice, they follow the form I fill out at the beginning of each year.
I believe that BM has to authorize your DH to be able to pick up the child. For instance my daughters birth certificate is not accurate. The school system will not look at it period, even if the person brought a copy to the school, they will only release my daughter to the people I have listed on the form.
Showing the court order is optional. I have given the school a copy just to prove that I am her only parent.But the our school system said it was my choice, they follow the form I fill out at the beginning of each year.
I was told its intances like this that created the school system to not give a child over to a person showing just a birth certificate. My daughters school says they would call me as her parent if someone not on the list attempted to pick my daughter up using a birth certificate.
Thankfully its never became a huge problem.
We (read: I) filled out the paperwork for SS & SD's pre-k this year b/c BM was slacking with a deadline rapidly approaching. We listed DH & BM as parents obviously which made them each authorized to pick the kids up. Their forms had 3 blanks for emergency contacts/extra pick-up. To keep things even (this is how juvenile it can get in our situation) DH & BM each got to put down one person & the 3rd spot was left blank. I am DH's back-up and BM's mother is hers.
We plan to provide their teacher's with a copy of the CO when we go to back to school night next week just showing we have 50/50 legal & physical. We are considering doing a monthly calendar like last years which shows which parent for which day so they know 1) who to call 1st in an emergency & 2) who to expect at pick-up.
DH is debating how to address BM's new boyfriend being able to pick the kids up. They've been dating for maybe 6 months & he recently moved in but in the past year she's done the same thing with another guy only to end horribly a month later. He's a bit nervous about "just" a boyfriend being able to get them as opposed to bio family or me.