Single Parents
Hello. I'm new to this.
Here is a post with my background.
https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/41516229.aspx
And I'd like to ask for some advice if you ladies don't mind. I have decided to email the father today and let him know what it going on. I was orginally going to wait until 8 weeks, but it's stressing me out so much that I just can't keep it from him any longer. I'm going to email him but I just have no idea what to say... TIA
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Re: Hello. I'm new to this.
Okay I read you whole last post.
First things first, are you going to keep the baby? You still have options open to you. You could give the baby up for adoption. I have the feeling that you want to keep the baby. Then once you've weighed all the options and you feel at peace with your decision you go to your parents/family and just say this is what's going on and this is my decision.
You're not 16 and coming home w/ a baby. You're an adult woman you knew the outcome of sex and and the various risks involved. You stand firm in your decision and everyone will follow your lead.
2nd the father. Not only should he know you should file for child support. because he is also an adult knows the risks and outcomes of sex and is an equal partner in creating this life. Will you have to go through a paternity test, sure; but that's not really a big deal. He may or may not want a relationship with the child that is usually handled separately from child support and just because you recieve or file for CS doesn't mean he automatically gets visitation.
He may just send the check every month and never bother w/ the child or you. He may become a great co parent and want to be involved. You really don't know. He may be married and have 4 other kids and you might be starting a whole lot of drama for him but that's not your concern. Your concern is you and the life growing inside you.
I am keeping the baby. I've always wanted to be a mother and while the situation is not ideal, or how I thought it would happen, I want to be a mom.
I need to get it off my chest to him. The stress of keeping this secret is getting to me. I can't sleep, it's all I think about. I'm a planner. I need to figure things out before I can even tell my family and to do that, I need to know what his intentions are or what he wants. I just need to tell him.
We were both very drunk. Not that it makes it okay in any respect, but it happened. I can't take it back.
I understand your anxiety. DD's dad and I had been friends for six years when I got pregnant and it was stressful to tell him b/c it was already an effed up situation. I told my family when I was like 11 wks b/c I was in no mindframe to tell them sooner and didn't know what I was going to do or if I would miscarry. They were great and my dd is their world. She's a happy, loved girl. As far as the guy, I would go ahead and tell him if it eases your mind but I would go into it expecting little. Not trying to be a downer but it's easier to go into it with low expectations and if he exceeds them -- wonderful. Guys are fickle creatures and you can't count on them not to waffle. If I had a nickel for every time dd's dad changes his mind I wouldn't have to work or wait on the child support that doesn't come.
Anyway, don't make any decisions now b/c this is all new and you don't know what the future holds. He is just as responsible for this situation and should be held accountable whether he wants to be or not. You play, you pay. Having been through it, it's not something I wish on anyone but I also know you can get through it and trust yourself to make the right decision for your situation. All of our experiences are different but in the end we all want what's best for our LOs not what is best for us. GL!
I would also wait. I had a chemical pregnancy before I had P and had gotten 3 faint BFPs.
I would wait and make sure there is a viable HB and the doctor confirms the pregnancy. Then I would email him and ask if you can have his cell number because there is something you need to discuss.
I think you kind of answered your own questions by saying you need to tell him. Can you e-mail him and tell him that you need to talk to him and not spill the beans in the e-mail? If not just go ahead and put it out there. No point in you losing sleep or worrying about it. You obviously didn't get yourself pregnant.