Pregnant after a Loss

When did you stop saying 'if'?

DH and I are saying "if this baby sticks...." or "if we have this baby in May...."

So for those of you who are further along, when did you start saying "when I hit my 3rd tri...." or "when this baby is born..."

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Re: When did you stop saying 'if'?

  • Each milestone helps.  I had a mini-breakthrough after I started telling family/friends about the pregnancy after my NT scan looked good.  They were so excited and optimistic about this baby it somehow helped give me permission to be excited and optimistic also.  When I started feeling movement regularly around 17-18 weeks that was also very reassuring.  I still didn't start buying anything until nearly 3rd tri, so I was not without my issues fairly late, but confidence definitely grows over time. 
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  • imagehopingwaiting:
    Each milestone helps.  I had a mini-breakthrough after I started telling family/friends about the pregnancy after my NT scan looked good.  They were so excited and optimistic about this baby it somehow helped give me permission to be excited and optimistic also.  When I started feeling movement regularly around 17-18 weeks that was also very reassuring.  I still didn't start buying anything until nearly 3rd tri, so I was not without my issues fairly late, but confidence definitely grows over time. 

    Yeah, we were like this too.  We were still saying "If" and "Hopefully" up until about 25 weeks.

    It became less "if" and more "when" when I went into a double-digit countdown.  

  • I catch myself thinking sometimes - still - about the "if"'s... but I really really tried to be positive from the beginning. I'm a true believer in positive thinking, though it holds no bounds sometimes, so I just made the best effort I could. Some days were better than others.
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  • I still say if.  But less and less.  Like HW said, it helps you stay more optimistic if you dont say 'if' all the time.
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  • I stopped saying it out loud after the first trimester, but still think about it every time I look at the nursery.  Now that our house is overflowing with baby stuff, I am more worried than ever that something will go wrong.  I hate it because I am normally a very optimistic person, but I just worry about being hurt again.
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  • I've never been past the "if" stage.  Hopefully this is the one that takes me past the "if"'s.
  • I still catching myself saying the occasional "if" and I am almost 27 weeks. I would say that 20 weeks is when I decided to let myself be over joyed about this baby. For me, I was so scared about loving him too much or getting too ready or too attached. I knew that it would hurt that much more if I lost him.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BFP Oct. 2010-MC & D&C Dec. 2010 BFP March 2011-Cooper born Dec. 6, 2011 weighing 9 lbs 1/2 oz. Suprise BFP May 27th 2012 - Sawyer born Jan. 20, 2013 weighing 8 lbs 9 oz. ?
  • It's really hard. We when started telling people, we said, "we're hoping" and things like that. Now I'm 18 weeks and there is a lot less "if" in both my thinking and my words.
    Mommy to Alden, born May 19, 2007 - best birthday present ever! natural m/c October 20, 2008 at 8w1d BFP April 4, 2009! Missed m/c discovered May 1, 2009 D&C May 12,2009 BFP March 3, 2010 Chemical pregnancy BFP May 25, 2010 Elias Derek born January 26, 2011! Surprise BFP October 24, 2012 Missed m/c confirmed Nov 26 D&C Nov 30 Surprise BFP February 13, 2013
  • Quite honestly I'm just getting there fully now.
    BFP 4/23/09. D&E 7/17/09 16W5D. BFP #2 3/10/10. EDD 11/15/10 Babycakes was born 11/5/10! Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I still say it and probably will continue until to do so until I hold my living, breathing baby in my arms.  I'm optimistic and hopeful that she will make it here safely, but I know that there is never a safe point during pregnancy.

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