would you be mad if? (MIL vent) long

cutebride73 · August 2010

So the other night we saw my IL's - MIL, FIL, BIL and his wife (SIL). My MIL bought DH and I tickets to Phantom for our anniversary (and for my B & SIL for theirs). So the 6 of us went to dinner and the show . It was Saturday, the day DD was released from the hospital and my mom insisted that we get out and go and she stayed with DD.

So for this evening out I was a little stressed and sleep deprived. I was also already slightly irritated with my MIL b/c on Friday when she came to see DD in the hospital she was trying to get in the middle of things, asking the nurse questions and telling me what to do. DH had to tell her to back off, but that's how she is - tells people what to do, says whatever is on her mind. She once told my SIL, when my nephew was being tested for autism that it had to come from her side because it didn't come from theirs - nice. But, I digress.

At dinner we were talking about SIL's b-day party which was this past Sunday (the next day). I said either DH would go by himself or if DD was up to it, we would all come together, but not stay long. MIL was like can't you just drive seperately? (so DH could stay the whole time). I said no, I didn't want to drive seperately - I tried to explain why - if DD had trouble and we had to stop, the location was 40 minutes away, etc.. - but she held up her hand at me - like to stop talking, she didn't want to hear it. DH didn't see her do this b/c he was on the same side of the table at she was.

Then a little bit later I asked about MIL and FIL's upcoming cruise. I thought they were going in the spring b/c she always vacations at her birthday. Always. It's her thing. She said the cruise was in November, but in the spring they were all going to Treasure Island, FL. I asked who was going b/c it sounded like more than the 2 of them. She said that my B & SIL and their 2 kids were also going.

Then she said to me - I know you can't go. Which is true, I can't. I work at a school and onyl get 3 personal days a year. I tried to explain that I was also trying to save them up for this year and next year so that DH and I can go visit DD in Italy when she studies abroad spring 2012. She said that my FIL doesn't like togo on vacations during the summer and that he would never go to FL in July. Mind you I didn't ask them to, they can vacation whenever they want, but if they want to plan a family vacation, I can't go in the spring.

She seemed annoyed and then turned to DH (he hadn't really been following the conversation) and said to him "we are going to Treasure Island in the spring, I know she (meaning me) can't come, but do you want to come with us?"

Luckily (for him) DH said no, but I lost it. I said DH would never go on vacation without me. Then she said, well when you go visit DD in Italy is he going? I said of course (hello? why wouldn't he?). Then she said, well he said no. I said I can't believe you even asked. She said I can't believe you are talking to me this way. Then she didn't talk to me for 10 minutes - picture my SIL jumping in to make conversation. FIL glaring at me across the table.

Now I will admit I over reacted. I should have kept my mouth shut, but honestly why would she think that he would go on a family type vacation without me and DD - I can't miss work and she can't miss college. Also, since MIL vacations at her b-day and this year her b-day is the day after Easter - that would me she was asking DH to be away from me at Easter. Or the week before, which is our anniversary!!

I apologized at the end of the night, she said it's ok, I love you, but didn't say she was sorry. The thing that made the most mad was she knew I couldn't go and asked him to take his vacation without me. Who does that? Now if FIL invited DH to go on a golf weekend I would be fine with that, but not take a vacation without me (we can't afford to take 2). If you made it this far you deserve this:

owenst · August 2010

Yes, I would be mad....that is just ridiculous! That just seems rude to me - that they would plan it when they knew you couldn't go and that she would ask him to go alone. And thanks for the cake. Wink

Aniegbuna · August 2010

I think you def have a right to be upset. I don't know if saying something was the best move however. I guess as his mom she was thinking it's a family vacation so let me invite my son. At the same time, she did not consider the fact that he's not 20 yrs old and single anymore so asking him to go on vacation without you was completely inappropriate. Btw... I want to lick the monitor that cake looks so chocolatey!!

mary548 · August 2010

I would be upset too. I can't believe she was asking him to come along without you!

jr63_2020 · August 2010

I would be pissed! It actually sounds a lot like my MIL. She has the appearance of love, family, togetherness, etc. when it's convenient, but in reality, she could give 2 sh!ts about me and would rather have MH around any day. I'm sorry you have to deal with this crap, it's so inconsiderate!

AGFaso · August 2010

ready2bePG:
Yes, I would be mad....that is just ridiculous! That just seems rude to me - that they would plan it when they knew you couldn't go and that she would ask him to go alone. And thanks for the cake.

THIS!!

cutebride73 · August 2010

Aniegbuna:
I think you def have a right to be upset. I don't know if saying something was the best move however. I guess as his mom she was thinking it's a family vacation so let me invite my son. At the same time, she did not consider the fact that he's not 20 yrs old and single anymore so asking him to go on vacation without you was completely inappropriate. Btw... I want to lick the monitor that cake looks so chocolatey!!

I know, normally I keep my mouth shut with my MIL and let DH handle things. I was just stressed and exhausted from my DD's surgery and hospital stay. I didn't even really want to be out, but they spent so much on the tickets and my mom thought it would be good for me to get out. I also had a glass of wine with my dinner...

I think she'll get over it, although I am still upset. I could see if DH had been complaining about not being able to go, but he wasn't. He and I have discussed this before and he has said that if they ever want us to vacation with them, they have to plan it when I can go, which is not during the school year. Oh well.

Kristin&Adam · August 2010

Totally rude

I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

TheGregory's07 · August 2010

Wow, that would make me livid.

ColleenS629 · August 2010

It's probably better that you can't go. Being around them doesn't sound like a relaxing vacation. In answer to your question, though, yes I would be pissed. DH's mom lives in Chicago and wanted him to take off work to go out and visit her (and fix her car) without me. Yea... not happening.

damabo80 · August 2010

Well, she does sound like a piece of work, but I don't understand the big hoopla over asking him if he'd like to come with, even though you couldn't go.

It was up to him to answer her, "thank you for the invite, but I can't make it" or "let me check my budget/time off from work/discuss it with DW". I thought your response came across as confrontative since you answered for him. Your response sounded like (from a dis-interested outsider's view) as "Ah-hem, he can ONLY take vacations with me, and I answer for him, thankyouverymuch." Hmm

Also, if he had the time, resources, and availabilty to go (and he wanted to go), I don't think it would be that big of a deal. DH and I have taken separate vacations. It's nice. DH is going to CA (on vacation with his family) in September for a week without me. I'm looking forward to it....I just hope I O before he goes Wink

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