What house work does your Dh do? Mine works a lot of hours and I work full time too but I take care of just about all house work and child resposibities during the week. I don't know how to break the cycle, especially when Dh works so many hours. I get that the person who is home longer/more is going to end up doing more but he lives here too.-Help!
My Jobs
pickup/drop off DD at daycare
make dinner
dishes
laundry
bath and story time
all cleaning
Dh's Jobs
cuts the grass once a week
takes out the garbage
drops off DD at daycare some mornings
Re: what "chores"does your Dh do?
Well, I know my DH is not the ordinary. At least not ordinary among other husbands I know. I'm lucky. But DH does work a regular job, go to school, and work an on call 24/7 volunteer emergency medical job. But when he is home, he is a wonderful helper.
I do most of the "children" work, but that's just because I'm home when it gets done and when we're both home I jump up first out of habit/instinct/whatever. But DH does actually change diapers and do a lot with DS, and of course, he plays the primary role with SD when he is home. I feed them and give baths and put DS to bed, and we both get them where they need to go. He puts SD to bed if he is home.
As far as housework goes, I always take care of vacuuming, sweeping, and mopping. I clean the bathroom. And I do most of the dishes. DH takes out the trash, does the laundry (unless he hasn't been home to do it) and puts the clothes away, he does the dishes sometimes. To tell the truth, I would rather do everything else in the house if he would just do the laundry. That is my least favorite chore ever!
All in all, I'm pretty happy with how much we both help each other. I asked him once why he actually works around the house at all, unlike anyone I've been with before, and he said his exW didn't do squat and he would have to come home at midnight after work and clean the house after the parties she'd have while he was at work. He said he's used to doing all the work by himself, and he's just happy that I help out around the house, too.
Me - Baby laundry, all cooking and packaging up of leftovers, grocery shopping, bills and filing, planning, watering plants, vacuuming
DH - Dog, yardwork, dishes, folds laundry, and 1/2 of all the baby stuff.
We work the same hours though so it just kind of works out for us. I also tell him to do things like spray for bugs, take recycling, etc. Can you afford a housekeeper? For me, that keeps the chore resentment at bay. I do "manage" the house but he is good about doing what I ask and doesn't complain. He prefers a list to work from. Also - we pick up everything before we go to bed. No excuses.
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
We literally made up a list of all the chores we do in the house and sat down and divided them up. He may not realize everything that you do, which is why I think it's helpful to have a full list.
I grocery shop and cook, he cleans up. I clean our bathroom, he cleans the other two that we use frequently. We got a roomba to vacuum. We both try to tidy up when it needs it. I wash sheets, he washes towels, we both wash our own clothes and throw in a load of DS's when we need. He does all outside yard work, but I do all the mopping inside (not very often).
I think the reality is with two people working and small kids, there's a lot to do no matter how you slice it. We probably are more slack in our cleaning than some, but I'd rather the house be a little messy than be tired or stressed from worrying about it. If you can afford a cleaner, it might be money well spent!
Ditto. However, he is pretty much the only one who takes out the garbage (meaning takes the cans to the curbs) and mows the lawn. Oh, and I tend to do most of the meal planning, too but he definitely helps out.
This exactly.
DH: grocery shopping, cooking, trash, lawn care
Me: all cleaning
We share: home improvements, laundry, dishes
This is us, too. The only exception is that I don't do outside chores (mowing, snow, etc). We have a cleaning person coming in every other week, and since LO was born this summer, we hired someone to do our yard so DH can help me out more in the house w/ LO.
He usually takes out the trash and does the dishes, but I will do those if he has a busy week.
I usually do meal planning, grocery shopping, and pay the bills, but he helps out if I need him to. I cook 60-75% of the time.
We have a schedule for general house cleaning, and we both just do what needs to be done with no formal division. Right now he's working 30 hours/week and I'm working 40, so he sometimes gets all the cleaning done before I get home from work.
Great thread!
We also both work FT 40-50 hour weeks + 2 hours a day each commuting.
DH's jobs: take out the trash, cleaning the diaper genie bring out the stroller every morning (we live in a walk up), all "handy" type things (like this weekend he installed window guards and lowered the crib), and all responsibilities with the cat (food, litter, etc.), changing crib sheets, and folding laundry
My jobs: pumping, feeding, making homemade baby food, cooking, loading/unloading dishwasher, washing/separating laundry, dropping the dry cleaning, all finances, getting LO ready in the morning b/c DH leaves earlier than I do, straightening up the house.
We give LO a bath together every night, and both do diapers and night feedings. We have a weekly cleaning lady so we never do heavy cleaning.
Wow....I was just complaining this morning that my DH does nothing and I do everything. Typing all of this up makes me realize that he does a lot!
DH probably does more 'chores" than I do. With 3 kids someone has to watch the kids while the other cleans - unless we get my niece to come and watch the kids... usually DH will do cleaning on teh weekend and i'll watch the kids... and when they nap I'll jump in and help.
DH does the dishes every day... he is the only one who vacuums.... he does the laundry - but I fold all of it and put it all away...
he does all outdoor stuff except gardening- that's my job. Garbage and recycling = all DH.
my jobs are making sure the bills get paid and managing our money, making sure the kids have everything they need, our house has everything it needs, etc.... I also am the one who does all organizing of the kid's stuff, rooms, etc.
but as far as actual cleaning- DH does far more of it than I do.
My chores include: cook dinner, vacuum & mop as needed, dust, laundry, bathe DS, put DS to bed, take dog to vet once/year.
DH's chores include: cut grass, take out garbage, spray for ants, grills dinner some nights (tonight), cleans grill, sweeps deck, dishes, bathroom.
If I am cleaning during DS's nap on the weekend - DH helps. He doesn't just sit there. I give him jobs to do - like dust, switch laundry, sprinkle carpet powder stuff, clean out microwave...and whatever else I need.
He helps me LOTS!!! I've had to train him though...when we first had DS I was still doing everything - that lasted a couple months before I was exhausted and pissed that while I was putting DS to bed he was just sitting there watching tv. Then I'd still have to do all dishes - clean kitchen, etc.
So now while I'm giving DS his bath and getting him ready for bed DH cleans up from dinner. Loads/unloads dishwasher, cleans off dinner table, highchair tray, etc. Last night when DH was leaving the room after kissing DS goodnight I spouted off a list of things for him to do. He did 90% of them. There were still 2 pots in the sink that he didn't get to. So I did them myself when I was done with DS.
We ride together to work so we both drop off/pick up DS everyday. I feel like we're pretty 50/50 now. Which is sooo much better than me trying to do everything myself. We're not superwoman!!! ASK FOR HELP!!! Good luck!
We have a cleaning person every two weeks, so that takes care of a lot.
We agreed when we got married that he does all laundry and I do the grocery shopping/cooking and dishes. It works really well for us and I haven't done laundry in many years!
We try to split childcare duties and I do drop-off in the morning while he picks up.
If we are both home at night, we alternate doing the baths and each put one girl to bed. We each take a night or so off during the week to do something for ourselves, so the other person watches the kids.
DH does the lawncare/trash and I do all the bills/finances and general life organization/errands, etc.
We both do whatever needs doing until it is done, we don't have assigned chores. He does a lot more than I do, though, since he's a SAHD.
DH and I work the same number of hours each week (actually, I work slightly more because I have a second job that I do from home but it's only a few hours a week). I am thankful that DH can cook because I hate it with a passion. It still doesn't quite even things out but it goes a long way to me not blowing my top on a regular basis.
Me:
--DC pickup
--All laundry
--All cleaning unless I specifically ask for him to do something...anything...seriously, I think he voluntarily cleans something about twice a year
--Bottles: cleaning, making, packing for DC (I also prep diaper bags, etc)
--1/2 of dishes
--1/2 of meal prep
--Taking dog to vet (I'm including this because I've had to take him every two weeks for the past two months...why DH can't/won't take him is a mystery); I also handle administering all meds besides the ones that go in his food every meal.
--Taking LO to pedi
--Feeding LO (about 90% of the time...and he's bottle-fed)
--3/4 of general child care
--As of this Friday, pool maintenance (DH will help with some of this but I will be handling the day-to-day water sanitation as he's clueless and I grew up with a pool)
DH:
--DC dropoff
--1/2 of dishes
--1/2 of meal prep
--outside care (lawn, plants, etc...however, I generally do the weedwacking, poop patrol, and bush trimming)
--general maintenance on the house and most projects that require more than a hammer and a drill
--3/4 of garbage takeout
--1/4 of general child care
My husband and I both work 40+ hours/week. My commute is slightly shorter than his, so I leave a little later and come home a little earlier.
We divide everything pretty much equally, though it might not be equal every day or every week. Whoever has some time does what needs to be done.
I do tend to do most of the bills/recordkeeping and cooking, and he takes out the trash. We've discussed our shared responsibilities a lot, and when the baby gets here, we plan to split all of those as well (though I'll be BF, so obviously I'll have to take care of that.)
I think we're going to hire a maid at least once a month to help keep up with the housework.