What is a comforting gift????

David'sgirl · August 2010

Good friends of ours recently went through a late term loss (33 weeks)...my DH and another couple that we are close with are trying to think of something that we can send to them that can give some sort of comfort. One suggestion was to send them a gift certificate for a nice dinner when they are ready to go out...I am just not sure if this is appropriate. I don't know if they will see it as a relief a chance to be just the two of them or will they see it as us telling them okay it's time to get over it...

1. Do you think this is an appropriate gift?

2. What suggestion for a gift do you have?

allybaby85 · August 2010

This is a really hard question to answer. especially without knowing the couple. I lost my baby at 33 weeks also and the thing I have been most thankful for was friends and family just giving us space to deal with our grief our own way...and frozen food , so all we had to do was heat it up. I do think a gift certificate for dinner or the movies would be good. It would be good time for them just to spend together.

prancer · August 2010

I agree with previous poster. Dinner out would probably be ok. Although ready-made dinners that they can share at home (if they are not yet ready to go out and about) would also be good. We have a place near us in Baltimore called Let's Dish where you can go and prepare dinner packages and bring them home to freeze, or you can just pick up ready-made meals to freeze. Not sure if that is something that you have in your area but if so, a certificate or meals purchased like that would also be a nice gesture.

AmberZ2be · August 2010

A meal they can easily heat up. Flowers. A card letting them know you care.

I would skip the restaurant gift certificate if I were you.

sabrina69barnes · August 2010

How about a gift certificate to someplace like Applebees since they have carside to go? Friends of ours had a late loss a few months ago. I made them some meals they could either reheat or put in the freezer for another night. We also got paper plates, cups, etc. so they wouldn't have any dishes. Another friend of ours got an applebees for them.

anmoore87 · August 2010

The gift certificate isn't a bad or inappropriate idea, although I personally would bring someone dinner instead (like take out). From experience, it's VERY much appreciated since some couples (like us) don't feel like going out much when we are grieving.

I don't know this couple, but I doubt they will see it as a message to "move on." They will probably just see it as a sweet gesture to help a friend.

Shayna0182 · August 2010

When we lost our dd in May at 29 weeks, one of my favorite gifts was a little ceramic angel. It now sits on the desk in our office, but everytime I look at it, I think of her. I would send a nice card, or bring over some food. Personally, I appreciated the flowers, but we got so many that they were hard to keep up with, so when they died, it actually made me a little bit more depressed than what I actually was already. I agree with the pp, who mentioned bringing over food, or the carside to go. I didn't want to leave my house for days after the funeral, and just wanted to avoid people in general. Hope that helps. I'm very sorry for your friend's loss.

David'sgirl · August 2010

Hi ladies,

Thank you for your suggestions and I wanted to apologize for posting on your board. I was lurking looking for ideas and left the computer and assumed I was back on my regular board 6-9. I hope that I haven't offended anyone.

It seems that we have a lot of pregnancy loss around us and we don't really know what to do. We don't have any sort of drive-in or curbside restaurant. I think the general consensus was that giving the gift certificate would give them an excuse to get away from all the well wishers who are at their place... I am so afraid of doing something wrong. Thanks again for your help.

betizzle73 · August 2010

sabrina69barnes:
How about a gift certificate to someplace like Applebees since they have carside to go? Friends of ours had a late loss a few months ago. I made them some meals they could either reheat or put in the freezer for another night. We also got paper plates, cups, etc. so they wouldn't have any dishes. Another friend of ours got an applebees for them.

I totally agree with this one! We lost Olivia at 34 weeks, and during those few weeks after, we completely lived off of food that people brought us (frozen meals), and takeout like chinese, pizza, quiznos, and places like applebees with carside to go. I wasn't read to go OUT to eat for more than a month after she died, so even though i know they'll appreciate your gift, they'd probably prefer to have something that they can use sooner.

I think it's great that you are trying to be so thoughtful - they are very lucky to have such caring friends!

andrea701 · August 2010

I think like pp said food they can eat at home is a great option but it depends on the couple. After the first few days I had to get out of the house. I had too much time on my hands to drive myself crazy. I would also get them a card many people overlook this small gesture but to me a card is worth more than food or any other gift. It really is sincere and thoughtful. But the best thing you can do as a friend is to check on them frequently. Its really hard if you have suffered a lost to feel like everyone else has moved on and forgotten about your LO.

jesslw · August 2010

David'sgirl:
Hi ladies,
Thank you for your suggestions and I wanted to apologize for posting on your board. I was lurking looking for ideas and left the computer and assumed I was back on my regular board 6-9. I hope that I haven't offended anyone.
It seems that we have a lot of pregnancy loss around us and we don't really know what to do. We don't have any sort of drive-in or curbside restaurant. I think the general consensus was that giving the gift certificate would give them an excuse to get away from all the well wishers who are at their place... I am so afraid of doing something wrong. Thanks again for your help.

This is going to be a very hard time for your friends and nothing is going to really help them right now because the only thing they want is for this never to have happened. They are going to appreciate any gift and just be comforted by the gesture. You really can't do anything wrong, because there is no right way to handle this. If you call, you feel like you're imposing and bothering them. If you don't call, you feel like you're acting like you don't care. If you get them a restaurant gift card, you may feel like you're telling them, 'Oh, it's ok. Just go out to dinner, have a few drinks and forget about it.' Or you could be saying 'It's ok to go out to dinner as a couple and let your lives return to somewhat normal on the surface. Let me buy your first meal when you decide to'. The main thing is, you're tearing yourself apart figuring out how your friends will 'take' this gift and the only person who is really going to look that deep into your gift is yourself. Your friends are going to appreciate the gesture, thank you and move on. They have a lot on their minds and I doubt the possible hidden message in a gift card is going to rank high enough for it to be given a second thought. You are a very good friend for worrying over the perfect gift, but your friends will most likely appreciate anything you give them.

JulsW · August 2010

i agree so much with the post about checking on them. It has been just over two weeks for us and it is still very difficult for me. I have a very close friend who either calls or texts me every single day, even if it is just to say hello, or ask how my two other children are. it lets me know that she is there if i need to talk to her and that she hasn't forgotten. I also got a ceramic angel from my DH that has the birthstone of the month that the baby would have been born. we were brought food (which was very helpful, i had lots of complications with the surgery and with two little ones at home that was a lifesaver), we also were sent cards and flowers, I loved all of it and can't say that any of it was offensive. just about anything will let them know they care. What about a phone call asking them what they need?

my thoughts and prayers are with your friends, far to many of us know how incredibly difficult this is.

Mrs. Stew · August 2010

I've had a two very good friends lose their pregnancies...one at 18 weeks and one at 24 weeks. I got them both necklaces from La Bella Dame (the third one down): https://tinyurl.com/9tt5d

They both said they really appreciated it because it's something they can wear and keep close, but doesn't advertise their loss if they don't want to talk about it.

Also, keep calling/texting. They may not answer...but be sure to leave a message saying that you're thinking of them. Keep calling as the months go by. Remember their baby's angel day and their due date, and Mother's Day too.

T&P to all of you ladies.

David'sgirl · August 2010

Thanks again ladies....I have been texting every few days to the dad (generally we talk more I knew him before I knew his wife). I wish I could take it all away for them...I haven't called because they asked for no phone calls or visitors until further notice and I am respecting that because I know they need time to grieve and eventually heal as a family without having to "take care" of their friends. I want to see them so bad just to tell them how sorry I am but on the other hand I am scared to see them It is all so heartbreaking.

I don't know you ladies but I wanted to express my sorrow to you all as well. Thanks for the help.

Want a personalized experience?

What is a comforting gift????

Re: What is a comforting gift????

Choose Another Board

Search Boards