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Misunderstanding The Bump?
I am very confused about this website... I thought it was for people who shared a common interest in either trying to have a baby, or for those who already have their children. Basically, I thought this was designed for some type of support system for women, and a place where women could seek advice from those who have a deeper knowledge, or ask questions in a place they feel comfortable.
However, when I read people's replies to questions or just comments I find the majority of people are extremely negative or just plain mean. I feel bad for the miserable people who are on this site who need to make other people feel stupid or inadequate. Not everyone on this site is checking their basal temperature, or cervical mucus! Some people are just trying the old fashioned way, and hoping to have a surprise by the end of their cycle.
Instead of being so arrogant, why can't these people just not reply to posts, or if they find a question to be so moronic, nicely tell the person where to find better info... obviously they are new or just out of the loop.
Anyone else experience these nasty people? Or is it just me and my lurking?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Misunderstanding The Bump?
Did you seriously think it was a good idea to come to a board you have never posted on (that I could find, maybe I am wrong) to tell them you were going to get pregnancy results in one minute? Your original post says you lurked. I think you lied. That is worse than a drive by, that is just strange.
And not everyone over there is charting either. Nobody thinks another person is dumb or moronic just because they aren't doing those things.
I think it is more arrogant to burst in on a group of people to tell them to cross their fingers for you because you just POAS, but that is just my opinion.
Me, in real time....
You are so right, thank you for pointing that out. I am sorry I was mean to you...hugs?
FFS, grow up.
BFP 3/17/10 Missed M/C Confirmed 4/12/10
MIF+Unexplained DX Feb 2012: Femara+Trigger+IUI=BFP
What made you think it was a good idea to post over here about other? I think that is mean, just saying.
And I still don't understand why people think thebump is a support group. It is not. I don't have to support anyone I don't know, but OP, if you stick around, you will find more support then you can ever imagine, but here is the key, you have to GIVE to RECEIVE!
If you don't like it, check out 2weekwait.com
GL
you CLEARLY have spent no time lurking as you say....otherwise you would see it is filled with support.
Maybe if you had attempted to EARN their support then you would have it. THIS is no way to earn their support.
Even miracles take a little time - Cinderella
Even miracles take a little time - Cinderella
I tried the "old fashioned" way - didn't work. Then I tried the checking CM and temping way (nothing "new-fangled" about that, by the way - it's been around for a LONG time) - that didn't work either. Now, I'm trying the decidedly unnatural way of having my DH jerk off into a cup and having a stranger stick it into my ute - jury's still out on whether that one works or not.
My point is, there are people on here who are just "seeing what happens", and there's nothing wrong with that. But, there are also a lot of ladies here who have been here a LONG time, and they have a wealth of valuable information that they are more than happy to share with people who participate on the board and ask intelligent questions.
I don't post all that often, but I have NEVER gotten anything but supportive answers from these ladies. It's just weird to post on some random internet board that you just POAS, before you even have the results. Sorry.
Cautiously expecting our second little petri dish baby - stick, Baby, stick!
Look, I'm new around here too but my experience has been exactly the opposite of yours. I have found people to be helpful and supportive and friendly. And I've been annoying, I admit. ha. I am excited and clueless and asking a hundred million questions in a very wordy fashion, but people have still been great to me.
What I think you have to understand is that some people here have been TTC for a long time. And that is horribly frustrating. I've been here two days and I know that (if you say that you have lurked here, you would know that very well). Randomly posting that you just took a pregnancy test - to a bunch of strangers to whom you have never spoken - is not going to draw a crowd of squeals and cheers. These boards are not a place to come to brag. Get to know the posters, take a genuine interest in their own stories, and then work on tactfully telling yours.
Um, it's just you.
And, no, I'm not trying to be mean. I am just answering your question. I am not calling you any names or saying anything mean. Perhaps you're just getting the answer you're not looking for.
TTGP is an amazing board, but not for everyone. There is no reason to stay if you don't like it.
good luck wherever you decide to lurk and post.
DS1 Born Apr 29 2011
DS2 Born Nov 5 2013
Pregnant with #3 Dec 24 2014, MMC found at 10w, D&C Feb 10th 2015
Cautious BFP May 25th 2015 EDD Feb 6 2016
Face it sweetcheeks, you just suck.
I don't chart. And nobody jumps down my throat, is nasty to me, or anything like that.
To be respected, you must earn respect. Plain and simple.
Mommy to Rachel 1.15.06 and Ashley 5.17.11
yes! a lot of people on the bump are huge bitches. i went and read your original post too to see what the big deal was and i didn't see anything that deserved the responses you got. the TTC board is for people who are trying to conceive. you are trying to conceive. whether these ladies (?) knew you or not, you are definitely allowed to post that there.
anyway, my advice would be to now find a board that is more specific to what you are going through and you MAY actually find supportive people (they do exist, i swear!). the bitches tend to stick to the trimester boards and *** about EVERYTHING. if you have questions about baby names go to the Baby Names board. If you eventually are considered high-risk (hopefully not!) go to the High-Risk board. You get the idea. Oh, and one more piece of advice. If (I hope you are never in this situation) you THINK you may be having a miscarriage, DON'T post on the Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss Board until you know you have had one.
Hope this helps. I just really hate to see people give up on The Bump because of a few (OK, make that a LOT of) people who have got nothing better to do than pick on newbies. You really can find support on these boards. I hope you do!
Nope. It's just you.
There's the door.
This response will go over well! Quite an asshat move on your part IMO... just sayin'.
OP - If you're going to lurk, actually lurk - and figure out what the boards are about. Make sure you post in an appropriate place (don't post your BFP on the TTC board, that's just stupid). Offer support to others and it will be given back in abundance.
One more thing, don't crawl to another board calling us all meanieheads... that never goes over well. Grow thicker skin and learn from your posting mistakes.
I don't totally agree with this for most posters. I have seen the women on there be supportive and give advice and share concern for those who are waiting, and worrying, and wondering. That said, OP doesn't fit under "most" posters...she'd probably tick that board off too.
Yep. I have encountered the same thing. Unfortunately, I do not have the TIME to sit and follow certain boards and make "friends". I (as I assume a few others) prefer to use The Bump as a place to get semi-anonymous opinions on real thoughts or questions. Instead, I have encountered roaming cliques of bitter bullies who seem to have nothing better to do than pounce on a poster who isn't part of their daily "coffee clutch". In my opinion, at least some of these boards should be a bit more laid-back and allow for more open conversation. If your self-esteem is so low that you need to cut-down other women for entertainment....I'd hate to see how your children turn out!
There it is! The all too common "Your poor children" comment!
Also, you shouldn't make assumptions... you know what they say. It definitely rings true in your case! In fact, many women have found great friendship on these boards, myself included. There is something to be said for sharing with women, giving/getting support from women who are going through the same things as you.
Alright, the last line was a cheap shot and I shouldn't have stooped to the level of the women I was talking about. However, my assumption about "a few others" being in the same boat was a pretty safe one, considering the number of people who might dare to register on The Bump.
Like I give a rat's ass. I have not "learned my lesson" yet and don't really care if my opinion doesn't go over well. Isn't that the thing that people use as a defense for their bitchiness around here? They always say that people get offended because they disagree with their answers/opinions. Most people that I've seen torn down over stupid *** don't seem to be offended by the opinion itself but by the total disrespect and "holier than thou" attitude it is delivered with.
mostly it is because people are being selfish and hormonal... it really depends on what board you are on... my month board is amazing : ) i love all of those ladies but the 2nd tri board was a nightmare and now the 3rd tri board is going there too... i never visited the 1st tri board but im sure it was the same story...
I actually had someone tell me that they loved their baby more because they tried for so long to conceive...
... my advise... just don't post anything on the high drama boars that would leave a door open to get your head bitten off. My solution has been to just post how i feel about the original post then not return later cause i don't want to know if someone didn't like my opinion... People are silly and i think a lot of the Women (and men) on this board just want something to do so they get into the drama... but like i said, you will find a board you fit into well and hang out there mostly, if you haven't already been scared away ; ).... oh and the TTC board is lots of drama ( i saw someone posted below) because there are a lot of women on there that are having trouble so stress levels are high... i really wouldn't take anything personal
mostly it is because people are being selfish and hormonal... it really depends on what board you are on... my month board is amazing : ) i love all of those ladies but the 2nd tri board was a nightmare and now the 3rd tri board is going there too... i never visited the 1st tri board but im sure it was the same story...
I actually had someone tell me that they loved their baby more because they tried for so long to conceive...
... my advise... just don't post anything on the high drama boars that would leave a door open to get your head bitten off. My solution has been to just post how i feel about the original post then not return later cause i don't want to know if someone didn't like my opinion... People are silly and i think a lot of the Women (and men) on this board just want something to do so they get into the drama... but like i said, you will find a board you fit into well and hang out there mostly, if you haven't already been scared away ; ).... oh and the TTC board is lots of drama ( i saw someone posted below) because there are a lot of women on there that are having trouble so stress levels are high... i really wouldn't take anything personal
I haven't been here long but I have seen a lot of nice, caring people. Also have seen people that think it's ok to post on the T TTC boards about their new pregnancy and some people who seem to lash out or give rude replies.
Simply put, it's best to look around first to see what kinds of things should and shouldn't be posted or asked and to read the forum rules. I think a lot of good can come out of this board.
I just stumbled onto this board and I'm late to the discussion. But I thought it was worth chiming in.
I think there are some nasty people on the bump. There are also a lot of people who are normally very nice and supportive, but when something rubs them the wrong way they respond bitchily instead of professionally.
I have no context for your situation. I guess you must have committed some faux pas. Perhaps people were correct to react. But I'm sure that a bunch of them overreacted. Because people have already responded unreasonably to this very post, in my mind (and yes, I know it's just my opinion.) And one thing that isn't fair is that the bump doesn't post a set of guidelines or rules that cohere with the unwritten rules of these boards. Yet you're evil if you break one of these rules.
As my profile suggests I joined the knot 6 years ago when I got engaged. I posted here and there, and I started spending real time here (basically every day) when I was TTC and now that I'm pregnant, which has been almost a year total so far. I know my way around. But even as an experienced person I still contend that a lot of people get mistreated on these boards. When someone makes a mistake or does something offensive in newbie fashion, she should be corrected. But it's so pointless when 10+ people say the SAME THING in response (why beat a dead horse?), and/or they use offensive or purposefully provoking language.
I know people disagree with me and that's what discussion is for. But in my opinion, I see where the OP is coming from. I hope that we can make more effort to be nice because in some cases we're turning off good people from these boards who made one mistake.
By the way, OP, now that you are pregnant--if your month board is like mine, the general attitude is a LOT better than most of the other boards on the bump. I think it could be because we're a smaller community who is going through with something simultaneously.
I totally agree - I've found much support on TB. However, where does it say that people have to be professional on here?? It's a public message board. When someone comes on and acts like a douche, they are usually always called out on it. The point is, I'm sure OP would never have walked into a group of women TTC (whom she didn't know) and announce her pg. Might as well wave the pee stick in their face.
I do agree that the birth month boards are good and people find a lot less drama there.