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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
Those that are "one and done"...
I am having a hard time with this. I feel pressure to decide if we want more kids b/c of my "advanced maternal age". I am almost 39. Deep down I don't think I want anymore (usually depends on the day and my hormone levels) and am content with our family of 3.
The thing is I feel guilty not giving him a sibling, like he'll be missing out. I know having 2 children doesn't mean they'll be BFF's or even like each other for that matter. I guess I just don't want to regret this later. How did you come to terms with this?
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Re: Those that are "one and done"...
I hear you. I'm pretty sure we're "one and done". We had always said we'd have 2, but that was 10 years ago and circumstances of changed- the biggest being we didnt' have DS until 2008, and I was 38 at the time.
If I force myself to really think about what *I* want, I'm done w/ DS. But I let all the same noise in that you are letting in. What does DH want? Is it fair to DS to not give him a sibling? etc etc etc.
It's a constant back and forth. We have the added issue,t hough,, that we're paying to keep our embryo's on ice. If we decide "one and done", we're going to donate them and then we're REALLY done.
Long story short- you aren't alone.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I wouldn't have another child just to give DS a sibling. That's just part of the "noise" in my head. Some days I think I do, but then I remember all the night feedings/wakings etc. and am happy to be past that. I had a hard time getting PG and suffered with PPD/PPA terribly after DS was born.
I guess I struggle with the fact that once you're past child bearing years there's no going back and I don't want to feel regret about my/our choice.
Thank you for considering donation--it's an amazing gift. My friend just had a baby with a donated embryo and they are so happy that they now have the family they have so longed for. It truly is a miracle.
This one is tough for me, because the decision really isn't mine. I want another, my DH does not. And I knew that going into marriage. What I didn't know was how bad I would want another one after having this one. For me, my sister is now TTC and wants 3 kids. My hope is that his (eventual) cousins will be like siblings for him.
Also, I know many, many well adjusted only children. And that always eases my mind a bit about DS not having siblings.
When I look at pics of DS when he was an infant, I miss that time - but I miss that time w/ HIM. I recently visited a friend who just had a baby. I loved holding him, etc, but it didn't make me want another in the slightest. I was thinking "Thank God I'm past this stage".
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I hear what u are saying. I am one of 4 children and I could not imagine my life without my siblings. I remember when I was a child, holidays were especially important because the house was full and we were just "complete" as a family. I bonded extremely well with my sister who is 4 1/2 yrs older than me. We are best friends still to this day.
BUT with that being said, DH and I are almost sure that we don't want any more children. We have both said that if we had family who lived near us, we might consider having another because it would be easier to have that support. But everytime we have night wakenings and an inconsolable child I say to him "NO MORE CHILDREN!" It doesn't happen as much anymore but when it does, I just can't picture myself doing this all over again with another child. It is a lot of stress on a person, on a marriage...and some people have the resilience and support to have more than one child and that is awesome, but it's just not for me and DH. We love our DD more than anything and we're so happy we decided to become parents but we are content with our little family. I hope that DD will have close friends that can become like siblings to her. We'll do everything we can to encourage that.
This exactly!
We are not one & done but I do go back & forth with this often. I was an only child & so was DH. We both do not want that for DD. As a child I can remember constantly asking my mother for a sister or brother.
I have diabetes so pregancy is hard on me. I often think, oh one is fine. We won't have another. Than I think of DD & how much I'd love to see her with a sibling.
I've been doing alot of the thinking about that, and I guess I just need to ask myself. Do I really want another baby, or is because I miss dd so much. It's tough. I wish it wasn't so complicated, and we could just decide we were done, just because we have the number of children that we want.
This exactly.