TTC After a Loss

s/o the real post secret below

Was there someone or something that made you feel comforted when you found out about your loss?

Both my u/s techs tried so hard, but I was so closed down. One of them (with the most recent loss) knew I was expecting to see nothing on the screen and we just sat there talking for a while. She made me feel so much better because she didn't sugar coat anything, she didn't tell me all the perfectly wrong things (like everyone else did) and she was just nice. I still think about her from time to time.  

My MW also was a big impact on me for my losses. She is the most amazing OB/MW I've ever met and I want to move her with me so she can deliver my next. I had her from day one with DS and she cried when she told me the news about the first m/c and cried when she saw me. With the second she tried not to cry, but had to go in the hall for a bit.

It meant so much to me to have those two people care so much about me, especially when I hardly knew them. 

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Re: s/o the real post secret below

  • Surprisingly, my male OB has been really great. He was straight forward with me about his suspicions but kept monitoring without giving me false hope. I'd only met him a few times when I was pregnant with B (there are 5 OBs in the office) but vie seen him everytime this time around and he was just wonderful. I also have a friend that struggled with IF for years that has been wonderful. She soesnt push me to talk but is here when I've needed her and just seems to always say what I need to hear.
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  • Essentially all of the medical staff I encountered during my m/c and D&C were great.  The morning after my natural m/c began, I went in for a sonogram to see if I still needed a D&C.  Before I could even walk out of the radiology department, my doctor's office was calling my cell.  They told me to go straight over to the surgical hospital instead of making me sit in the waiting room to wait to hear.  Then, the nurses at the surgical hospital were great.  They made me laugh a little when I didn't think it was possible.  They also helped to ease my fears, as I'd never had surgery before.
  • My OB was amazing. She had had 4 miscarriages before 2 healthy children, so she knew what to say and what not to say. I'm so glad I was with her and not my old OB/GYN, who was always cold and made me feel rushed.
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  • My experience was different than many.  And I will probably cry typing this.  Because we terminated our pregnancy due to the issues discovered at my 18 week appt., I had to go to a clinic in Cleveland because it was too expensive to do it in town (at a hospital) and there were no doctors that would do it after 19 weeks at clinics in my city.  The clinic had a recovery room for all who were having "procedures".  I was the only one there--what I like to think--against my will.  My DH could not be with me.  And after I received meds to help me with the initial insertion of dialating sticks (I didn't want to be bawling on the table while they did it, so I asked for meds), I was left sitting there looking at all of the girls--many teens--who were there to end their pregnancies of probably healthy babies.  

    I lost it.  Started crying, and an older nurse--like a little African American grandma--came over and hugged me, and pulled a curtain so I didn't have to see them.  

    I will forever remember her and cry in the process of thinking about it.  

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  • A nurse at my OB's office came in and gave me a hug and told me about her late loss. It was very touching and nice to know that she wasn't just blowing smoke up my ____, she actually knew how I felt.
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  • All of the OBGYNs have been awesome.  Their office staff ... not so much.  I know they don't mean to be insensitive, but they are just clueless sometimes.  But, the OBGYNs ... the best.  They've really been willing to do whatever I need to make me comfortable with PG/MC and will talk to me about things as much as I need.
    DS1 age 7, DD age 5 and DS2 born 4/3/12
  • A few of Aidan's NICU nurses, his neonatologist and my ob. They all held us, cried with us and told us how much Aidan meant to them. They sent cards and told us over and over how much they love our entire family.
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  • One of the MW's at the practice, who I still have never met face to face, called to give confirm the m/c with the numbers from my second beta and I don't know what it was about her exactly, but she was just SO understand and comforting and basically said it sucks and that was ok to feel that way.

    And- it's a little thing- but when I was transfered up to the front desk to make an appt. for my 3rd betas I said something about needing to cancel my first prenatal appt. but not remembering the date it was on so I needed to get my calendar to tell her.... and the lady at the front desk just said "oh honey, don't worry about it- I'll look it all up and take care of it for you".

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  • Honestly, I didn't have anyone IRL that helped me. DH did for the first week or so but then he was kinda over it I guess, so I felt very alone. All my friends are FHs so none of them can relate. They were all very sympathetic, but they didn't know what to say or do.

    I'm a good self healer, and the girls on this board and the m/c loss board are really all I had to help me grieve and heal.
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  • My nurses were so awesome, super Vicky she didn't sugar coat anything and told me about her loss, how long it took her to get through it and when she conceived again. Thinking about it all makes me want to cry.
    Hi, I'm Amanda :)

    Remembering Evelyn and raising Bailey
    Evelyn Born at 24wks 6days on May 22, 2010 due to pre-e Passed away May 25, 2010

    BFP# 2 Delivered 6wks early due to preeclampsia
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  • I really respected my OB who diagnosed by last loss.  He was very kind.  The nurses after my D&C were amazing.  They let DH and DS come into the surgical recovery area after I came out of surgery.  DS was put on the gurney with me, and the nurses were so nice and gave me a lot of encouragement. 

    The person who I really remember being so kind was the nurse when I went back for my f/u.  My BP was super high because I was in a waiting room surrounded by pregnant women.  She told me her experience going through a m/c, and after that, she put me in one of the doctor's offices in order to keep me isolated from the waiting room.  She said it is not something they normally do, but she thinks something needs to change.  She said at their next meeting, she was going to bring up changing protocol because no one in my position should have to sit through that.  She was so sweet and caring, and I will always remember her thoughtfully.

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