I think I may be suffering from PPA, for which I am seeking help via talk therapy. In the beginning, I was terrified of something happening to the baby, but now that he is almost three months and I see that he is doing well, I am not as worried. But now, I fear that something is going to happen to me. I worry about my health all the time, i.e. that I will get sick and have to leave the baby. To me, this is one of the scariest thoughts. I think about it and I become so anxious that I can't eat and find it hard to do things with what feels like a paralyzing anxiety. Whether it's a mild sore throat, a runny nose, feeling exhausted, I fear that my health is failing and I am frightened that I may not be there for my baby. I just love my baby so very much that the very thought of having our bond broken sends me into a complete frenzy. Does anyone else have these fears?
Re: Does anyone else have this fear?
Yes! You described my whole PPA experience. This is exactly how I was feeling and it was horrible. I convinced myself I had all kinds of diseases with every ache and pain and I googled every symptom like crazy. It was horrible and I was constantly living in fear. I was so afraid of getting sick and not being able to take care of my son that I turned into a hypocondriac.
I have since been on meds and am fine unless I come off of them. I came off of them once and the anxiety came back. The doctor said I may be on them for the rest of my life. I don't care. It's better than feeling all that anxiety.