Blended Families

Custody update

My DH went to court last week and ended up with custody of my SD. She started school down here this week, and has fit right in. She has already made the soccer team, joined the choir, and made a bunch of friends (btw, she is 13).

 

SD went in to talk to the judge first, and then they did the trial, and then the judge called SD back in to explain to her why she made the decision she did. She told SD something along the lines that the bond with her mother is getting in the way and hurting the bond with her father, and that she needs to get the bond back with dad. Also - dad would be better at facilitating the relationship between mom and SD (more so than mom would be at facilitating the relationship between SD and dad). She also felt that the bond between mom and SD was based on lies about dad.

 

Crazy stuff - I am hoping it keeps going smoothly.  SD has had to move states, school, etc and she is handling like a young lady, but I know she has to be hurting inside. 

Chuck (married 06/18/05) Caroline Reese 10/19/06 Charlie 12/11/09 Hailey 02/10/97 (SD)

Re: Custody update

  • imageNOLAbride0605:

    My DH went to court last week and ended up with custody of my SD. She started school down here this week, and has fit right in. She has already made the soccer team, joined the choir, and made a bunch of friends (btw, she is 13).

     

    SD went in to talk to the judge first, and then they did the trial, and then the judge called SD back in to explain to her why she made the decision she did. She told SD something along the lines that the bond with her mother is getting in the way and hurting the bond with her father, and that she needs to get the bond back with dad. Also - dad would be better at facilitating the relationship between mom and SD (more so than mom would be at facilitating the relationship between SD and dad). She also felt that the bond between mom and SD was based on lies about dad.

     

    Crazy stuff - I am hoping it keeps going smoothly.  SD has had to move states, school, etc and she is handling like a young lady, but I know she has to be hurting inside. 

    Confused 

    Judges actually tell kids stuff like that?  Good thing she is a mature young lady.  Hope all goes well for you and your family!

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  • How did she take the news?
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  • Are they going as far as to say Parental Alienation Syndrome. Just wondering because that's what it comes off as.

    I hope things keep going smoothly for you!

  • imageMamaPosh:

    Confused 

    Judges actually tell kids stuff like that?  Good thing she is a mature young lady.  Hope all goes well for you and your family!

    It sounds like PAS - and if that is the case, the judge needs to say things like that.  My sister just received custody of her 2 SC - both severely damaged by PAS.  The judge will not let Mother even see the children unless she can get a PAS specialist to say that she won't abuse the children anymore.

    PAS is a disease and people that have it tell horrible lies about the other parent and attempt to make the children hate the other parent - it is sad and horribly abusive to the children.  My step-nephew used to spit on his father, curse at him, refused to acknowledge his last name, throw tantrums in public places and cry hysterically if he had to leave his Mom - this is at age 12!

    My step nephew and niece are in a lot of therapy and getting better (the niece is better off because she is younger) but the damage is done - so yes - sometimes a judge or counsleor or parent needs to say these things!

    To NOLA: good luck - and I hope that your SD continues to thrive and do well in your household!

  • Just wanted to add for Mamaposh, look up PAS (parental alienation syndrome) online. After you read about what it entails and some of the absolutely heartbreaking stories some people have you'll understand alot more about why the judge would say those things (if that is what she was getting at). I was actually reading somewhere that it may be added into the next DSM (Diagnostic and Statistic Manual of Mental Disorders). Lord willing it will be.
  • Yes, the judge was hinting at parental alienation, although she never said that directly. The judge spoke to SD before the trial and then afterward to explain her decision. Her mom and mom's attorney pushed the whole interview between SD and the judge. If they think she is old enough for that, then she is old enough to hear the truth as to why she has to live with dad imho.

    She has done really well this week. No tears or arguments which is a far cry than what it was like during the summer.

    Side note - I just received my letter from CPS "ruling out" her mother's claim that I neglected my three year old. What a biiiiitttchhhh. She claimed that I don't adequately supervise my child (just one-not both) and that my DH physically abused my SD. Both allegations were ruled out meaning they believe it never happened. It was her last attempt to try to keep custody. I would love to email her something nasty.... but I won't ;)

     

     

    Chuck (married 06/18/05) Caroline Reese 10/19/06 Charlie 12/11/09 Hailey 02/10/97 (SD)
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