- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
2nd Trimester
Rinny22
member
WWYD Career vs. SAHM??!
Rinny22
member
A little background: So I completed my Masters degree in September of last year and spent nearly 6 months looking for a job in my field (mental health). I went on more than a dozen interviews and either never heard back, or was turned down for one reason or another....after 6 months, I decided to just suck it up and find "a job" vs. looking for a career.
Fast forward to April, and I find out I'm pregnant! Shocker since I was on the pill and DH and I weren't planning on starting a family any time soon...but, with so many friends having difficulty TTC, I am grateful. I am now working doing secretarial and data entry, not my dream job, but it pays the bills...BONUS they say I can work from home once LO arrives which seems to be perfect. It seems like I didn't find a job for so long for a reason, and I was at peace with it.
SO, today I get a call from a hospital I interviewed with in FEBURARY, they want to know if I'm still interested in the position...WHAT??!! IS this for real, this is the worst timing! The job was ideal...working as an autism therapist, which is exactly, spot-on what I wanted to do. BUT I'd now have to find childcare and was really looking forward to being home with my baby boy...I was also planning on BF, but if I took this job it'd be really difficult to find time to pump (I'd be working in client's homes primarily).
DH thinks I should do it, it is what I'd been wanting to do for years...but with a baby on the way I just don't know...childcare is expensive, I was all mentally set that I would stay home with the baby and I was really looking forward to that. WWYD? What are your pro's and con's of being a working mom vs. SAH??
I cannot believe the timing of this....Sorry so long, just needed to vent!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: WWYD Career vs. SAHM??!
That's hard - personally, I wanted to work pt, and was set to do that, and circumstances changed, so I still work FT. I don't think I personally could be at home FT, but that's just me. I'm not good at networking outside of the workplace, and don't have any friends who currently SAH, so I knew it'd just be a bit too isolated for me.
It's hard - career type jobs that fit what you really want aren't always easy to come by, but you don't always have the chance to SAH with your LO, either. I'd take a look at what SAH vs working means for your finances, including avg daycare for your are. Does it mean having to scrape if you SAH, etc? (DH SAH and it can be a bit tight, which is stressful and means sacrificing in areas I wish we didn't have to) It's really a personal decision on what works for you and your family.
SOrry I don't have wiser words to share - good luck with your decision!
I'm sorry to say, but this is one of those questions that only you can answer! Are you able to stay at home without causing a huge financial strain? I want so badly to be a SAHM, but there's no way that we can survive in this town with only one income. I have no idea what we're going to do in terms of childcare or anything, but not working isn't a possibility.
So, are you more career-driven or mom-oriented? And that may not sound right, so please don't take offense! I'm assuming this is your first, so it's hard to imagine, but would you feel fulfilled if you stayed at home? Would you spend every day with patients feeling guilty? Maybe the best thing to do would be to talk with some friends with babies and see what they say - what are the issues with the ones who work? What about the ones who stay at home? Maybe they can shed some light on the hurdles you'll face one way or the other, which may help you in your decision! Good luck!
Tough choice. a few things to think about:
1) If you switch jobs now, they don't have to offer you FMLA b/c you would have worked there for less than 1 yr.
2) Would you be working part time or full time? Is it a big salary difference? Can you live on the salary you make now? Being able to work from home sounds great, you save money on travel, daycare, etc.
3) Do you feel like your priorities have changed now that you are pregnant? I know for me they have. I currently work full time in a CHC as an NP - exactly what I wanted when I graduated - and have been very happy. Once I got pregnant, things changed. I'm cutting down to part time, giving up all my committes and my main focus will be on the boys when they come. If I could get a job working from home, and be able to live comfortably - I'd leave my current position for that.
Good luck on your decision!
If your plan is to continue to be a SAHM turn it down. However if you think you eventually want to go back to work I would not turn it down. Jobs are hard enough to come by, Jobs you REALLY want well that's not as easy. Yes daycare is expensive but sometimes there are other benefits to it. The daycare i'm looking at runs $400 a week is a huge chunk of my check, however I have excellent medical/dental and eye, plus you can write off childcare.
H's job is not as secure and insurance is dependent on how much he works. For me it was a no choice and I enjoy where I am now with them. I also plan on Bf-ing and while i'm sure it will not be easy to do it while working, it is possible.
Hmm, financially I need to work! Which is the beauty of the job I have now...I can work from home and just do all my work remotely, and on my own schedule for the most part. If I take the new job, I'd have to find childcare, which I haven't even looked into because I never thought this would happen...My guess is that most of my salary would go to childcare, so then I wonder, is it really worth it?
But the other part of me is like, "you spent 4 years in undergrad, and 2 years in a Master's program working to someday have this kind of fulfilling career..." The job I do now, is not rewarding, and to be honest boring, so it'd be so nice to do something meaningful! But then I think about this little baby and I know I would feel incredibly guilty not being avaliable to him as much as I want...I feel guilty leaving my dog!!
ughh...guess it's going to be a soul-searching kind of weekend!! Thanks for the advice ladies...you gave me some really good questions to think about (This is my first baby, so I have no idea what to expect, or even to ask sometimes!)
You don't get offered your dream job everyday. I would have a very hard time turning it down. That said, I'm a student right now, work FT, and pregnant with twins. I'm heartbroken that I will have to take some time off from school before I can devote myself to it again, because I'm in the process of pursuing a career I actually want.
I'm totally biased and I admit it. I'd say take the job, but you're the only one who can decide what you should do. Make the decision that's right for you.
This is a tough one! I am working at a job right now that I don't enjoy but pays really well. Absolutely not what I want to be doing but it's flexible and, for me, that is the most important. I can be home early, leave late, etc. I also make my own schedule so breastfeeding and pumping worked very well. I agree with a pp- you only get this time with your child once and it doesn't come back. That said, it doesn't make it easier to choose between a baby and a dream career. I know for me, I will focus on my career again in a couple of years. (I too have my masters, I'm an NP and worked my butt off- I know I will get back to my dream job someday
Everyone has wrote such a great answers I am not sure mine will necessarily help or not. This is how I see it & have been told by a few mothers work & non working.
1.) You cannot ever get the time you have back with your child, there is no rewind button.
2.) Financially if you can stay home or work a home pt position, I always feel its best for a parent to be home with a child for many reasons. (good for them to be with you, out of childcare & in their home, & later on they can have your supervision around instead of others who won't love them like you will & watch them as you would) Also this is MY opinion, I do no not look down on working mothers, this is just how I see it.
3.) This coming from my mother & a few other working moms, you will never regret the time you spend with your child, my mom regrets putting us kids in daycare & if she could go back she would have chose not to.
The situation you are in is not easy & I do not think its one without careful consideration for both & to always be on the same page as your husband or compromise. My husbands in the Army so we are able to have the stability & healthcare while I stay at home. I know it will be hard at times & i may get sick of it but I do know thats where my heart is & I know I'd regret it putting my kids in childcare. Goodluck with your decision, sorry if I was biased but I just wanted to give you some things to think about.
Personally, I'd stick with the work-from-home job. My degrees are in the mental health field, and I was initially 100% sure that's what I wanted to do. Enough that I got not one, but two, grad degrees in the field. Working with kids in need sounded like the most fulfilling career I could imagine for myself. But the reality turned out to be a lot different... there is a HIGH burn-out rate in those types of positions, and now I understand why. After both work experience and full-time internships in the field, I eventually learned that the emotional toll it took just wasn't worth it for me. And having kids has made me even more convinced that I want the majority of my emotional energy on my family right now.
Again, just my personal experience. But I wanted to share my perspective in case it sheds some light on things for you at all. You could take the therapy job and love it, or you could take it and really, really wish you had kept your other job instead. There's obviously no way to know for sure, and you could be the exception, but unfortunately, the burn-out rate in the mental health field indicates that option B is more likely.
You don't get your dream job offered everyday.
You also don't get your dream baby offered everyday.
I also have a BA and a MA but graduated and got pregnant without ever finding a job. I have been home with DS for 20 months now and don't regret it one bit. Sure you can go a little stir crazy at times but the same can happen with your job. I agree with other posters that you will never have regrets about having spent all that time with your child.
Now if working is financially necessary, then it's a completely different story. I also don't look down on working mothers--in fact, I admire them for what they are able to pull off at home as well as at work.
But for me personally, I find a lot more fulfillment in staying home with our kids.
I'd keep the WAHM job, too. Not only may you find it difficult to leave your child at a daycare for someone else to raise, but you'll appreciate the leniency with it whereas with your Autism therapist job, you certainly may not. Being a WAHM means you can take your baby to appointments (which happen a lot in the first few months) without scheduling a few weeks in advance with your job.
I'd wait a year after your child is born to look for a job in the field your degree is in. For now, your child is your priority.
Lots of good points being raised here. I do have one question: do you think you will be able to get work done from home with your LO there and no childcare? I ask because babies don't really care about our schedules and needs. You may find yourself in a real bind with this WAH job-- needing to take care of your LO and not getting enough work hours in, or doing your work and not having enough time to take care of your LO.
It also depends a lot on your household's financial situation (i.e., will this new job help you meet your financial goals? contribute to retirement/college fund/etc.?) and your personality. For me, staying at home is not an option for many reasons. [I see the judgmental SAHMs out in force in this post, so I won't bother to detail them.]
Personally, I'd take the dream job, as long as you are able to get maternity leave and it fits in with your financial and career objectives. If you stay out of the workforce, you may find that your dream job won't get offered again.
I've been a working mom since DS was 4 months old, and I should have stayed home. I have not been as effective in my career -- I'm always at doctor appointments (daycare babies can get sick a lot), coming to work with cheerios stuck to my clothes, leaving early to make it to daycare before they close, falling asleep at my desk, etc. Overtime is not an option - after dinner, bedtime, prepping for the next day, cleaning up, etc., I'm lucky to have one extra hour before going to bed, even now, and I'm brain dead. My brain in general is focused on my to-do list for home now, not strategic thinking about my career. I'm very worried that the past few years have reflected badly on me at work and will make it harder to get future jobs, since I'm in a small industry.
I also wouldn't have been able to work at home effectively - this may not be true for all women, but I couldn't think and function at a professional level when in close proximity to my baby. One of my midwives told me that our brains literally shut down the higher thinking so we can focus on the basic needs of our babies, and it was definitely true for me.
There's a season for everything - I don't think you have to sacrifice your career as a mom, but I think you need to be smart about what works for you as the parent of an infant.
I wouldn't take it personally if it were a fulltime position.
Honestly, if part time is an option in your career, that's what I'd look for personally. That's what I do. I only have to commit approximately 17 hours a week to work (I'm gone about 3 hours a day on average) and I get to make my own hours so no daycare. I'm all for avoiding that future difficult transition back into the workforce when you've been gone a while if it's a possibility in your field. I think PT is the best of both worlds of being home most of the time, but also being able to stay in your career, interact with adults, etc.
Best wishes in whatever you decide to do.
tough call.
FWIW, I LOVE being a sahm, but it's also been my dream since I was a kid. It's not for everyone, but if it is for you, it's awesome! ( and I say that after not having slept longer than 5 hours in 9 weeks)
If it`s really what you want to do career wise, I would seriously consider taking the position ---- depending on how much time off you get when baby comes.