Musing on seasons

BabyTrippin · August 2010

I was talking to a friend today about the back to school season. Ever since I was a little girl, it has been such an emotional time of year for me. Picking out school supplies and clothes was so exciting. I truly think that if hope has a smell it smells just like a brand new box of Crayola crayons.

As I've gotten older, now is when I literally feel my biological clock ticking. I don't know why. Seeing all the fresh faced kids headed off to school physically hurts. I really hate that TTC and TTCAL have turned this awesome time of excitement and hope into pain for me.

Am I the only one that feels this more acutely at times of the year that aren't really expected?

tlcW0714 · August 2010

NO!! I am completely right there with you! DH and I were actually just talking about this last night...Fall is honestly, my favorite time of year. Its just so beautiful. However, I've always felt a little "sad" as fall comes, b/c summer is gone. I know I'll miss the warm days and the beautiful colors of summer. But I was telling my husband last night, that I'm a little bit more sad this year b/c I don't have Keely, and as another season changes, it just shows how more time and life is passing me by, while I seem to just be standing still...not moving on from the loss of my daughter. So, if those are sort of the same feelings you have, then yes!! I am right there with you. But only from summer to fall, fall to winter never seems to hurt my feelings nearly as much. However, this year might be a different story. The thought of Christmas this year scares me to death, but thats a different story for a different time I guess.

BabyTrippin · August 2010

tlcW0714:
NO!! I am completely right there with you! DH and I were actually just talking about this last night...Fall is honestly, my favorite time of year. Its just so beautiful. However, I've always felt a little "sad" as fall comes, b/c summer is gone. I know I'll miss the warm days and the beautiful colors of summer. But I was telling my husband last night, that I'm a little bit more sad this year b/c I don't have Keely, and as another season changes, it just shows how more time and life is passing me by, while I seem to just be standing still...not moving on from the loss of my daughter. So, if those are sort of the same feelings you have, then yes!! I am right there with you. But only from summer to fall, fall to winter never seems to hurt my feelings nearly as much. However, this year might be a different story. The thought of Christmas this year scares me to death, but thats a different story for a different time I guess.

I really think that may be what my issue is. I'm sorry you're struggling too.

Kristin&Adam · August 2010

I know the feeling. I have a hard time walking past the newborn and infant room at B's school.. he just keeps moving up (well, down the hall, up in classes) and I walk past the babies and it just makes my heart hurt

biddy53178 · August 2010

i always have a hard time with winter- im a hawaii born, california bread blondie living in CT. ive been here nearly 4 years and winter kills me- but the fall is oh so worth it- i LOVE the Fall here- this year im sad, this year fall leads to winter, winter is when baby was supposed to come- this was going to be the winter when i didnt have to worry about driving to work in the snow (nurses dont get snow days) im not looking forward to the next few months AT ALL!

ikissedthecook · August 2010

I'm so sorry you're having a hard time. I don't really have a season association, but I can relate with how losses can transform previously cherished moments or memories. I used to love Christmas, but I don't think it will ever be the same for be, or least not for a long time.

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