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2nd Trimester
LoveyFNR
member
I am so sick of being rejected.....(sex vent I guess)
LoveyFNR
member
Wanting sex once a week is not being overly horny is it? I didn't think so but for some reason DH seems to think so.
He says I'm a horndog since I insinuate that I want sex so often. I only try for it nightly because 99% of the time he's 'not in the mood' or 'feels dirty'. Then he'll promise me we'll be intimate the next night......so I try again, same outcome. Rejection.
We've had sex 3 times in the past 6 months, all was me who had to put him in the mood and it never lasts for more than 5 minutes.
I literally cried last night because I can't figure it out. How can a guy NEVER want to have sex? I mean EVER!? And yes, I have asked him why, it's not the fear of hurting the baby, it's not that he finds me unattractive (that's what he tells me at least) and it's not that he doesn't love me. He just doesn't want to. Period.
Makes me feel so unattractive and unwanted. Please tell me I'm not the only one. 
I literally vowed to myself last night that I give up and will stop even thinking about sex or insinuating it around him. It's exhausting to try constantly and I always walk away completely disappointed and hurt. It sucks to find someone SO unbelievably attractive to you and they don't want you in return.
Thanks for letting me vent ladies. Talking to myself about it isn't quite as helpful.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I am so sick of being rejected.....(sex vent I guess)
My H is a hornball but since I got pg he's taken a nose dive. He tries but the baby is really bothering him. He's all about the pregnancy but feels dirty doing things like that with the baby present, especially now that he can feel her move.
Rationally he knows the baby is fine and there's no way she consciously knows or understands what we're doing but he can't get over it in his mind.
Maybe your H is having issues with not really being "alone" with you anymore but doesn't know how to verbalize it.
wow, I am so sorry.
This sounds like it could have been written by my husband.
We are just the opposite, though not on the 3 times in 6 months thing.
Have you called a theapist? Has he been to the doctor to get his testorone or other things checked out? Im sorry but it does seem stange for a man to not want sex. I dont think its you though, but sometimes guys can have a medically low libido. I would see if they is ANYTHING that turns him on that you could do. I'm so sorry. That must be so hard to deal with.
I seriously could take or leave sex most days, but I think even I would be crawling out of my skin if we only did it once every 2 months.
*hugs*
This was my thought...if it's not mental (hurting the baby...etc), it's probably something physical. Know that women go through low libidos and men do too.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this...it's tough.
How was your sex life prior to getting pregnant? Was this an issue then, too? If so, you may benefit from some couseling at some point...not sure if during pregnancy would be the best time or not.
If not, then I'd say give him the benefit of the doubt that you being pregnant just creeps him out in a sexual way. Even if he's not admitting it now. Our sex life took a nosedive during my first pregnancy, and it wasn't until afterward that my DH finally admitted that having sex and knowing there was a baby in there weirded him out. And it's not that he thought I was ugly while I was pregnant, but obviously the belly is a constant reminder that there's a baby in there, there's really no way of blocking that out.
For the time being do you have a sex toy or something you can use to get your kicks?
ETA: If it's just a pregnancy thing, be prepared for him to be trying to hump the sh*t out of you by the time your 6 weeks pp pelvic rest is over. I've never seen my DH be such a hornball as he was the first few months after I was able to have sex again.
Right, he just doesn't see anything wrong with it. He's satisfied just never doing it. And I have tried EVERYTHING to turn him on. Nothing works. I truly believe he just has a very low libido and he just doesn't want to admit to it because maybe he's embarassed? I'll just have to try different methods. Maybe something will spark his interest.
When I was pregnant with DD, DH wouldn't have sex until after my appointment when the doctor reassured us that it was okay. Weeks 8-20 were okay, but as soon as we found out that a little princess was on the way... it stopped. DH wasn't scared of hurting the baby, he just felt very uncomfortable with the idea that his little girl was "in the same room" lol. I would trust him when he says that he just doesn't want to, not that he doesn't find you attractive. There are some really great articals out there about this. I suggest google, it really helped me feel better about everything last time around.
PS. As soon as DD was here and all systmes were go, DH couldn't get his hands off me. I guess he was making up for lost time.
Very sadly, you aren't the only one.
My DH says it stems from me rejecting him (not that this is accurate or that this has ANYTHING to do with your DH) back when we were engaged and I got super freaked out about getting pg - killed my mood completely. It's hard for me to try much, anymore. Sucks when you do the things that your DH says would turn him on only to hugely fail. Yeah... I'm sorry, I don't know what advice to give.
Our sex life wasn't THAT active before pregnancy but it was at least once a week so we were both satisfied. it could be a pregnancy thing and a slight add on from stress and anxiety (new job and a few court issues from years back haunting him).
And that last part is awesome. I hope it turns out the same way for me
since we are military over here, i have a counselor come to my house every month from the "new parents support program"...she brought some papers over that said how the pregnant mommas hormones in the air can cause men AND BOYS to act funny...our hormones will actually trigger something in them that can cause them to not be interested in sex, but rather be interested in other stuff to keep from being overly sexual...its weird, but i can see it around here, lol...my son is all girly and wanting to touch the belly and talk to baby sister, and huggy all the time...my husband isnt nearly as horny as he usually is...the animals are acting weird...and my peace lily that rarely ever blooms CONSTANTLY has at least 10 flowers on it...
I totally relate. I'm really tired of being rejected all of the time, so I stopped trying to initiate. It sucks, too, because the less we do it, the more I seem to think about it! Part of our problem is that our schedules are completely opposite these days, which creates a problem just logistically. I'm a rather needy person, so when we aren't intimate, I automatically assume (despite my own repeated attempts at recognizing that this isn't true) that it's because he doesn't love me, he doesn't find me attractive, I'm not smart enough, etc...We end up finally getting to the point of talking and he reassures me that none of the thoughts that permeate my brain are true when it comes to us.
I don't honestly know what to tell you, except to make sure you talk about it with him because it makes you feel the way you do. For DH and me, we realize that we've made lots of mistakes in our past which affects how we interact with each other. Because of our belief system, we're going to look into some books on the matter since we're also aware of the part where we aren't the only ones with this problem! I'm not sure if that's an option for you or not, but just talking about it in more depth than you have may help...
Sadly, I can also relate. I do think it has something to do with the pregnancy (as a PP said, men can be affected by pregnancy hormones, too, which seems whacko, but I believe it), and I have a hard time swallowing that it's nothing to do with the baby being "there" or not finding me attractive with the belly. Like your DH, mine swears up and down that that's not it, but it seems like it would be an incredibly hard thing for him to admit to, so I wonder if he's just protecting me.
No advice, just commiseration.
Sort of in the same boat. I am not sure how far along you are, but my sex life has also ground to a screeching halt (about to enter week 33, dramatic decrease in 3rd trimester) In my husbands defense, a) I am as big as a house, b) I have developed a glass vagina in this trimester (2nd trimester was great), c) I am so large that the sheer logistics of copulation are problematic at this point, and d) he explained to me that he also feels awkward about it because of the baby. Honestly, we have a full length mirror, and I wouldn't want to have sex with me either. I would actually reccomend that you respect his lack of interest, and definitely not take it personally. He is probably trying to not hurt your feelings, and as long as he knows that you are available and you trust him to not screw around, then I would simply advise you to anticipate/hope that normal activities resume some time after the baby's birth. Keep in mind that this is a big, important time of change for him as well, and even if guys don't express their feelings as much, I guarantee you that he is dealing with a bunch of new feelings and thoughts and worries as a result of the baby's impending birth.
I said that I was sort of in this boat as well. Not my usual course of action, but to keep yourself from going crazy, I definitely reccomend simply giving into self-gratification. You will keep your own hormone levels in check, you may even teach yourself some new things, and if you get 'caught', it can lead to actual sex. I know that it isn't helpful to hear, but I really would wait until life after baby takes on a fairly 'normal' routine to start worrying about the infrequency of sex and how this reflects on his feelings towards you. Keep practicing those kegels!
I've been there. My husband does not have a high sex drive either, and I think if I didn't initiate, then we'd never have sex. This has been proven during pregnancy since I don't have the energy or desire to initiate these days, and consequently we hardly ever have sex.
Is your husband stressed out at work? That could have a lot to do with it. He could also have low testosterone levels. Find out if he still masturbates.
Honestly, the only thing that has improved our sex life is having a weekly scheduled date. That way, no one really has to initiate. It just always happens Saturday or Sunday morning. It's not very romantic or spontaneous, but at least I'm getting some every week now and I don't have to be hurt from rejection. Try to hold off on initiating for about a week. Or, just schedule a date night about a week from now, and don't initiate before then. I understand your frustration though. It sucks to be rejected over and over again