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Adoption
This might sound confusing, but help is appreciated.
I'm having a baby with my ex-boyfriend and I'm not sure whether or not I am going to keep the baby and raise it with the dad. (sorry I don't know all the proper abbreviated terms to use..) My other option is to give the baby to the dad's sister, who is 37 and very happily married (since they were young) and is unable to have kids. They were going to start the foster care route if they were still unable to adopt within the next three years. I'm only 19 and the dad is only 22. We are both really mature for our age, and hold very good jobs, in fact him and myself are both looking at very good promotions within the next four months. We work at the same company, just different stores. The dad lies all the time, and I have many problems with him, so we are not in a relationship and he doesn't plan on one either. I'm not perfect, but I've tried. I can't imagine raising my baby in a broken home, without support. My whole family is extremely unsupportive and can't wait for me to have the baby just to give it away. They don't understand it's their grandchild, which in return I don't understand. The only one supporting me is the dad's sister. After reading all this, if you still are, some of my questions are: Has anyone given up their baby for adoption like this, to someone close, and how did it affect you? How do you go about going to a lawyer and drawing up terms? Are you able to live with the decision of giving up your precious child? I feel like it would just throw me into a depression whether or not I could see it often. This is a really troubling time and a hard decision to make. I just wanted to see if anybody had a valuable opinion to give. Thanks in advance...
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Re: This might sound confusing, but help is appreciated.
Welcome...
I don't have any direct experience with placing a child or adopting from someone I know. I would recommend, however, seeking independent counseling from someone who has experience in this field. It sounds like you have lots to consider and a good therapist may help you figure out what's best for you.
Good luck...and please feel free to stick around
what is wrong with three tickers? and how does that mean i'm a whore?
thanks but I'm 100% sure who the ''baby daddy" is.
nowhere in my post did i state i slept with multiple men and since i'm so immature just assumed it was a random one. who are you to make a comment like that?
platinum poster my ass, btw.
I feel like this all happened at my local Abercrombie and Fitch/Hollister stores..
Moving on. I agree with the PP that you should seek counseling for this issue...everyone needs support throughout their pregnancy--and it sounds like you may be lacking in that area.
I think you are getting ahead of yourself. You need to really think about this and decide if adoption is something you can live with for the rest of your life. You said you fear it might send you into a depression. You need to explore that feeling. A unbiased therapist would probably be a good idea to help you sort through all the feelings and make the best decision for you and your baby.
You also seem to have no support. There are several forums to support expectant parents making decisions like this. You need all the support you can get right now. Don't be afraid to reach out and ask for help. If you want some links or resources feel free to send me a message or if you just want to talk to someone that has been there.
Aw, Fred - not cool. No reason to attack someone who is already in a vulnerable place (and I'm usually a big fan of yours).
Anyway, I'm troubled by your fear of being thrown into a depression if you choose adoption. Your decision is yours alone, and there have been plenty of young women who've made parenting work while dealing with the same things you are. Please don't feel coerced by the other family who would be willing to adopt your child. Please seek some more resources to help you work through all your concerns, and do listen to the advice and stories of those women who have been in your same situation.
I haven't been in your shoes, but my best advice is to slow down. You don't have to make a fast decision. Take some time to get things in order--with your job, and figure out just how involved the baby's father will be. Honestly, it sounds like he's going to bail out of all responsibility. So take a serious look at single parenthood . . . possibly with little family support.
Counseling would be a good idea. It sounds like you could use someone to talk to. There's certainly a lot on your plate.
Please do not yet talk to this couple you're considering. Figure out what you want to do before you even bring up the topic with them. Getting them involved will make your decision more complicated--and you don't need that.
Focus on taking care of yourself and the baby. Good luck.