- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Babies: 3 - 6 Months
FFFC - re: SAHM vs WM
I don't usually write anything that might start trouble but, here goes...
I completely respect anyone's choice to work or stay home, because I assume they're doing what's best for them and their family. With that said, I've chosen to stay home for the next year at least.
I'm tired of people I know personally, who spend TONS of money on expensive shoes/purses/vacations/technology laying on the guilt about how lucky I am and how jealous they are. It's a choice, which I understand not everyone is lucky enough to have, but it's also about changing my lifestyle. I'll never have a LV bag or Jimmy Choos, which is ok with me. If someone wants those things and has to work to afford them, I don't want to hear how jealous they are of me.
Again, I totally respect and appreciate that most people have to work to pay bills or choose to work b/c they love their career. It's the people who want to buy fancy stuff and then whine that irk me.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: FFFC - re: SAHM vs WM
Getting back to it- my diet and exercise blog
Losing it...Without Losing it
Yeah, that would been a lot shorter to write.
I agree. I always respond with "how wonderful!" or something along those lines. Yet, I have absolutely no desire for myself.
Plus it's often more than just the money. I have spent years on my education and training, there is no way I would be satisfied turning around and being a stay-at-home mom. I would love to be able to let it all go and spend all day with my daughter, but at this point there is too much invested. kwim? (And, of course, some people are able to be stay-at-home with even more education, it's just my personal hang-ups on the matter.)
I agree w both PP. When we had this discussion a few weeks ago, this was my immediate response - that those comments are meant to be complimentary & that while people might say they'd love to SAH, they do so to flatter you & not that they'd make that choice for themselves. It wasn't until I read through the thread that I realized how many SAHMs actually took that statement.
Interesting. I've had people say, "I'm so happy for you!" and that to me seems complimentary. Maybe I need to think about it differently.
I agree with OP.
When someone says something along the lines of "well that's great that you're able to do that" I know that they're just trying to be nice, but I still want to be, like, "well most people could get by on one income if they wanted to." But most people don't want to give up the extra comfort/luxuries that two incomes provide. My favorite tv/movie/book family is the Weasleys (from Harry Potter). They are dirt poor, but the mom stays home and the family is so fun and loving and down-to-earth.
I'm totally guilty of this! I've told people that it's great that they stay home and I wish I could do the same, but I don't totally mean it. It's more because I don't have anything else to say. I would love to stay at home with my son more often, but I would still need to work at least part time. We could afford for me to stay home, but there are things I want for my son that we can't give him on one income (his college fund being the most important). I also know that I can't take any time off from working or I will become unmarketable. Things move too quickly in the workforce for me to be able to take a year off and even dream of getting another job like mine. I've considered the idea of being a SAHM until our kids are all in school, but at that point I would have to do a complete career change (or start over in my current field) and I'm not sure I'm ready to commit to more school and starting over in my career.
IVF #1 - BFP (6dt)
Unassisted Pregnancy #2 - lost at 15w6d due to T21, severe heart defects, and fetal hydrops
Why is it empty? I can be genuinely happy for my friends that choose to stay home and are able to make it work. Just because I don't want to doesn't mean I can't be happy for those who do.
It's one thing to say "I'm happy for you". That is probably true and heart felt. But, it's empty to say "I wish I can stay home too.", just to make someone feel good; that's an empty compliment.
If only we all lived in a place where we could use a magic wand to conjure up food, mend our kids' clothing, and clean our house!
Most people can't get by on one income, unfortunately, unless you wanted to live in subsidized housing and accept handouts. My grandmother did it, and supported me and my mother - but what would happen to this country if we tripled or quadrupled the amount of people on welfare and other government programs (which would drop many people into that eligible category)? Who would fund those programs if no one was paying into them?
I handle the finances / budgeting for my family and I know for a fact that if DH got a job here in our town that paid $35,000/year then I wouldn't have to work and we wouldn't need any "handouts." And that salary is totally feasible for his chosen career. (unfortunately he is a new grad and no one will hire him b/c he either doesn't have enough experience or he's overqualified)
Most of the people I work with make at least $40,000/year and their spouses work, too. It's those people I'm referring to.
You do realize that you live in a very low COL area, right? $35,000 for a family of 3 isn't going to get you much in other areas.
I think it's stupid for you to assume that just because you can make it work, anyone else that can't is just being lazy and demanding nice things for themselves.
Congrats that you are doing what you want to for your child. Don't assume that others aren't just because they're not doing what you're doing.
Yes, I know. The COL is low and therefore so are the salaries. And I definitely don't think that working = lazy. In fact quite the opposite. I just think that most people don't realize that they could make it work if they re-adjust their lifestyle. If that's what they WANT. If they don't want to stay at home, great, but that's not the subject of this thread. The subject is about people who work and act jealous of others who SAH when they could probably do it too if they were willing to be more careful with their spending.
I would still argue that you are making a lot of assumptions. I have a friend that buys a lot of designer clothes and a new cellphone every month. Am I jealous of her new stuff? Some times. Does that mean she should feel guilty for having it? No.
By your argument, I should just say "well, I can afford it too if I just X, Y, and Z". Technically, I can afford all of that stuff now, but it doesn't mean I should. We choose to put our money into savings, and retirement, and a college fund for Ethan. In the long run, we'll be better off for it. Can and should are two different things.
Plus, as others stated, someone saying "Wow, that must be so nice". Or "I wish I could do that sometimes" =/= guilt trip. They're most likely just being nice. Assumptions and judgment on your part are just as lame as what you are accusing them of doing to you.
I did a budget post - feel free to search for it on this forum. My DH, after I quit my job in a few months to become a SAHM, will still bring home about triple what "those people" you refer to bring home. We have a VERY affordable house for our area, are responsibly paying off student loans, will have no car payment, no cable, use Magic Jack for phone, I started clipping coupons and shopping sales, I BF and CD, and have NO debt otherwise. It will still be tight, and I won't lie - I am somewhat nervous.
It's very flippant to make a statement such as, "Well, just do what you have to do to stay home!" Most high paying jobs aren't just available everywhere - you have to be within certain cities. Heck, we already relocated once, from a HCOL area to a MCOL area, away from family and friends, just so it was even remotely possible.
My point is, unless you're in someone's shoes, you shouldn't assume that everyone's circumstances are exactly like yours, and judge based off that.