Ahhhh I can't take it anymore...

JenR822 · August 2010

Ladies,

Please explain to me why women come to this board and say I "may" be joining you. This is not a party to join, we are real women who have gone thru life's ups and downs, and are putting our children first and coming to the board for venting, support and advice from other SINGLE moms. Not Moms that are having an argument with the husband.

I know this may seem like to much but I'm sick of reading that crap!!!

That's all!

PrincessFiona9 · August 2010

I'm with you...I haven't read the new post yet because I just logged in but it is true that most of the women who post that end up DDing and disappear.

blondnearby · August 2010

It doesn't bother me that much because for a couple months I was in limbo with my marriage. While I wasn't on the bump yet, if I had had a resource like this I probably would have done the same thing. For me, getting to the point of divorce was a very difficult time, worse than any break up I had had before not because I "loved" him more but when I married my stbx it was supposed to be forever. That fact alone was very upsetting alone. Now if they keep coming back repetitively without rectifying their situation, then yes, I would get a little frustrated.

Tricia107 · August 2010

Could it be that some of us women are trying everything in our power to keep things together, and are seriously unhappy in our marriage and have absolutely no where to turn?. Could it be that we want someone who has been in our shoes to tell us that it is possible to do it alone?

I dont WANT to be here just as much as the next person, but I know the reallity of where my marriage stands and the fact that im a SAHM who is trying to work through infidelity issues AND STILL FOUND A USED CONDOM IN MY DRYER TONIGHT.

BMenz · August 2010

Tricia107:
Could it be that some of us women are trying everything in our power to keep things together, and are seriously unhappy in our marriage and have absolutely no where to turn?. Could it be that we want someone who has been in our shoes to tell us that it is possible to do it alone?
I dont WANT to be here just as much as the next person, but I know the reallity of where my marriage stands and the fact that im a SAHM who is trying to work through infidelity issues AND STILL FOUND A USED CONDOM IN MY DRYER TONIGHT.

it's moreso of using the word "may" in the post title than actually asking for help....it comes across as a "post and run" and (more often than not) like ashleymichelle said they DD and never come back again...

i don't mind that they're asking for advice, just that (imo) it's kind of like a slap in the face to me that they're all like "welllllllll....I guess, I might be here. or welllllll......I guess this is the only place for me now" (is how it comes across) like being a single parent is such a bad thing...(why it feels like a slap in the face? because that person, mind you this would be someone who's just having a normal argument with their DH, has another person there to help take care of their lo.....I wish I had a DH to argue with because even though we'd be arguing, I'd still have someone there to help me out with ds)

Kentuckychick_8201 · August 2010

I agree. This isn't a fan club that you join, it's reality for us.

Tricia107 · August 2010

I apologize if my post came off as b*tchy. I posted my "may be joining you" post over 6 months ago and like an idiot swore I could make it work. Swore I could make him quit drinking, doing drugs, and sleeping around. I know now I should have never given him the chance to fix things (which are obviously not fixed). When I posted my story long ago, I was living away from H and hoping for encouraging words and got the cold shoulder.After that post I decided to be a lurker and not to post.

I went through the tri/months boards with most of you ladies and truly do admire you for all that you endure on a daily basis. I wish none of us were in the situation we are in, but life happens and you have to pick up the pieces and move on. You have all been an inspiration to me.

BMenz · August 2010

Tricia107:
I apologize if my post came off as b*tchy. I posted my "may be joining you" post over 6 months ago and like an idiot swore I could make it work. Swore I could make him quit drinking, doing drugs, and sleeping around. I know now I should have never given him the chance to fix things (which are obviously not fixed). When I posted my story long ago, I was living away from H and hoping for encouraging words and got the cold shoulder.After that post I decided to be a lurker and not to post.
I went through the tri/months boards with most of you ladies and truly do admire you for all that you endure on a daily basis. I wish none of us were in the situation we are in, but life happens and you have to pick up the pieces and move on. You have all been an inspiration to me.

the only difference between you and them, you didn't just post once and (unfortunately you had to) never come back....these are the ladies who are assuming they're going to become single parents because they got into an argument with their DH over something trivial, post once about how they may become "one of us" but then never come back

PrincessFiona9 · August 2010

BMenz:
Tricia107:

I apologize if my post came off as b*tchy. I posted my "may be joining you" post over 6 months ago and like an idiot swore I could make it work. Swore I could make him quit drinking, doing drugs, and sleeping around. I know now I should have never given him the chance to fix things (which are obviously not fixed). When I posted my story long ago, I was living away from H and hoping for encouraging words and got the cold shoulder.After that post I decided to be a lurker and not to post.

I went through the tri/months boards with most of you ladies and truly do admire you for all that you endure on a daily basis. I wish none of us were in the situation we are in, but life happens and you have to pick up the pieces and move on. You have all been an inspiration to me.

the only difference between you and them, you didn't just post once and (unfortunately you had to) never come back....these are the ladies who are assuming they're going to become single parents because they got into an argument with their DH over something trivial, post once about how they may become "one of us" but then never come back

This 100%.

I kind of feel like unless you are or have been a single parent you should just not come to this board. (I'm in a lovely mood today if you couldn't tell yet.) Once you are a SP and you are going through the same things we are then yes, come over. We're happy to give advice/support. But don't come over here just to b*tch about your DH and then go right back to the way things were. Us SPs have had the courage and strength to leave and do what's best for our kids and I am damn proud to say that. We make sacrifices and go through a lot more than most parents and this board is the one place we can get support/discuss things we can't talk about with other people or even on the tri/age boards, and just talk about our lives as SPs. That's my thoughts on the matter whether anyone agrees with me or not.

belle204 · August 2010

It really just depends on the tone/wording and my mood when I see or read them. B/c that makes sense, right? :-) I don't mind if they are wanting an idea of what steps they would take for visitation, cs, etc as opposed to it just being "wah, wah, wah, my H is a DB and I hope I don't end up here but it's looking that way." It just almost seems like a slap in the face --- like it's such an awful place to be. It's no fun by any means at times but it's not the end of the world. Hopefully that made sense. But, it's a message board and people can post what they want and we're just *that* awesome. ;-)

fauxshelley · August 2010

Tricia107:

Could it be that some of us women are trying everything in our power to keep things together, and are seriously unhappy in our marriage and have absolutely no where to turn?. Could it be that we want someone who has been in our shoes to tell us that it is possible to do it alone?

I dont WANT to be here just as much as the next person, but I know the reallity of where my marriage stands and the fact that im a SAHM who is trying to work through infidelity issues AND STILL FOUND A USED CONDOM IN MY DRYER TONIGHT.

WTF? I hope you stick around and post more often. We are supportive of real SPs, just sick of drive bys.

JenR822 · August 2010

Some of the SP's understand why I said it, when I began to post here, I was a single mom, while I was lurking for a while because I knew that this is where I needed to be, to get advice and support. I think its annoying that women have a fight come here and say im joining you, DD and then go on another board and praise the H's.

ShanJosh777 · August 2010

AshleyMichelle06:
BMenz:
Tricia107:

I apologize if my post came off as b*tchy. I posted my "may be joining you" post over 6 months ago and like an idiot swore I could make it work. Swore I could make him quit drinking, doing drugs, and sleeping around. I know now I should have never given him the chance to fix things (which are obviously not fixed). When I posted my story long ago, I was living away from H and hoping for encouraging words and got the cold shoulder.After that post I decided to be a lurker and not to post.

I went through the tri/months boards with most of you ladies and truly do admire you for all that you endure on a daily basis. I wish none of us were in the situation we are in, but life happens and you have to pick up the pieces and move on. You have all been an inspiration to me.

the only difference between you and them, you didn't just post once and (unfortunately you had to) never come back....these are the ladies who are assuming they're going to become single parents because they got into an argument with their DH over something trivial, post once about how they may become "one of us" but then never come back

This 100%.

I kind of feel like unless you are or have been a single parent you should just not come to this board. (I'm in a lovely mood today if you couldn't tell yet.) Once you are a SP and you are going through the same things we are then yes, come over. We're happy to give advice/support. But don't come over here just to b*tch about your DH and then go right back to the way things were. Us SPs have had the courage and strength to leave and do what's best for our kids and I am damn proud to say that. We make sacrifices and go through a lot more than most parents and this board is the one place we can get support/discuss things we can't talk about with other people or even on the tri/age boards, and just talk about our lives as SPs. That's my thoughts on the matter whether anyone agrees with me or not.

This is like saying, unless you have a toddler, DO NOT come to the toddler boards. But people come over alllllllllll the time and say, hey I'm going to have a toddler in a few months and I was just wondering how you handle xyz. No one gets mad.

Just like anything else you don't like reading... don't open the post.

peeps61308 · August 2010

Tricia107:

I apologize if my post came off as b*tchy. I posted my "may be joining you" post over 6 months ago and like an idiot swore I could make it work. Swore I could make him quit drinking, doing drugs, and sleeping around. I know now I should have never given him the chance to fix things (which are obviously not fixed). When I posted my story long ago, I was living away from H and hoping for encouraging words and got the cold shoulder.After that post I decided to be a lurker and not to post.

I went through the tri/months boards with most of you ladies and truly do admire you for all that you endure on a daily basis. I wish none of us were in the situation we are in, but life happens and you have to pick up the pieces and move on. You have all been an inspiration to me.

Everyone on here understands having to do whatever it takes to get to the point where you are comfortable leaving, knowing that you have tried everything. I am sorry that things didn't work out for you.

achase123 · August 2010

I see both sides I guess. Sometimes it bugs the crap out of me, other times I just am happy that someone can have a safe place they can come to for advice. Sometimes people are in limbo and really know in their hearts what they have to do, but aren't quite ready to do it yet.

achase123 · August 2010

peeps61308:
Tricia107:

I apologize if my post came off as b*tchy. I posted my "may be joining you" post over 6 months ago and like an idiot swore I could make it work. Swore I could make him quit drinking, doing drugs, and sleeping around. I know now I should have never given him the chance to fix things (which are obviously not fixed). When I posted my story long ago, I was living away from H and hoping for encouraging words and got the cold shoulder.After that post I decided to be a lurker and not to post.

I went through the tri/months boards with most of you ladies and truly do admire you for all that you endure on a daily basis. I wish none of us were in the situation we are in, but life happens and you have to pick up the pieces and move on. You have all been an inspiration to me.

Everyone on here understands having to do whatever it takes to get to the point where you are comfortable leaving, knowing that you have tried everything. I am sorry that things didn't work out for you.

Your H sounds like my XH. Exactly like him. You can't change someone. I am a FIRM believer in this. If he isn't willing to work on it (which is obvious, hello, USED condom in the wash, how did he explain THAT one) then you shouldn't be willing to either.

BTW: I found condoms in my XH's truck. A multi-pack of different kinds. Trojan Twisted Pleasure. He said they were for his own enjoyment. He liked to use them while he was in his truck jaacking off. Riiiiiggghhhttttt.

Smudges*Mom · August 2010

I am not a single parent, but I hung out here some while my DH was deployed and I still check in on you ladies as time permits. I have to say that some of the "I may be joining you" posts are annoying because *some* posters act as though becoming a single parent is something one "catches". I find it rather insincere. . . as though they want someone to listen/help them, but don't bother to offer up advice or a word of support, let alone when they DD. People sometimes forget that various message boards develop their own community and vibe. Barging in without lurking or posting a "woe is me" tale off the bat is not typically appropriate.

BabyMamma55 · August 2010

Just wanted to pop in and say that even though I haven't left DH yet... I'm waiting until I have an opportunity. I really don't have anywhere I can go until I save up some money. Although I am for sure going to be gone by the end of october! Which I am pretty excited about.

You ladies have been so helpful and supportive when I had family telling me that I should try and save things with him. He's not a good person and I don't want myself or my daughter staying around him. So thank you for helping me even if I'm still "with" DH for now.

achase123 · August 2010

BabyMamma55:

Just wanted to pop in and say that even though I haven't left DH yet... I'm waiting until I have an opportunity. I really don't have anywhere I can go until I save up some money. Although I am for sure going to be gone by the end of october! Which I am pretty excited about.

You ladies have been so helpful and supportive when I had family telling me that I should try and save things with him. He's not a good person and I don't want myself or my daughter staying around him. So thank you for helping me even if I'm still "with" DH for now.

Welcome and feel free to post whenever you can!

Mel007 · August 2010

BabyMamma55:

Just wanted to pop in and say that even though I haven't left DH yet... I'm waiting until I have an opportunity. I really don't have anywhere I can go until I save up some money. Although I am for sure going to be gone by the end of october! Which I am pretty excited about.

You ladies have been so helpful and supportive when I had family telling me that I should try and save things with him. He's not a good person and I don't want myself or my daughter staying around him. So thank you for helping me even if I'm still "with" DH for now.

I was hoping you were still around here! Did you end up going through the military at all to see if there was anything they could do for you?! I have a few friends who put off leaving to try and save money but really if your H is even borderline abusive you should get out ASAP! I have a contact who can help if you're a marine wife and can probably get me someone to contact if you are Army as well....feel free to pm me anytime!

Sorry for the post hijack lol! I feel bad because I did one of those "joining you posts" and haven't posted much about my situation since then because I'm worried of it getting back to DB somehow....but I do promise I am not a post and run girl I truly appreciate all the support and advice this board has provided! Y'all are amazing and I hope I can be as great a SP as you ladies once Landon is born!

xcjen06 · August 2010

Most of the time it doesn't bug me because I think some people are reaching out in a tough place. The only time it bugs me is when I see them a few days later on the month boards and everything is going fine with their husband. I don't go on the month boards anymore though so I guess I wouldn't know...