Telling the boss, WWYD?

Maddie*13 · August 2010

So I was planning on telling my boss and after that my coworkers about the baby this Friday (tomorrow, eeep!) since my grandma is coming over this weekend for a rare visit, and I want to tell her in person. Knowing my grandma, it will soon be all over my family and the risk of someone "outing me" would then exponentially increase (thinking facebook, etc.). I wanted to tell my boss in person before he finds out second hand (which would not go over well), so the logical thing was to tell him before grandma's visit.

I'm second guessing myself now though, since we had great heartbeats at 9 and 11 week appointments I've been feeling much more comfortable. BUT I won't officially have a confirmed second tri heartbeat until my appointment next Thursday. Some part of my brain is worried at my next appointment something will be wrong and then I'll have to go back to my boss a few days later and be like "um, nevermind about that time off in march". I could always try to swear my grandma to secrecy and tell work (and the world) next friday after the appointment, but I just have a feeling it'll leak. And I had sort of gotten a little excited about telling my boss tomorrow, at least then it'll be over even if he doesn't react well.

What would you ladies do? Tell work this Friday or next?

Thanks!

Tarah716 · August 2010

Tell when you're comfortable. I told my boss at 10 weeks and that was after I saw the heartbeat but before I heard it - which was a risk but I seem to be popping out sooner than I thought and there were already whispers. I wanted to just out myself before the rumors started.

RachieTK · August 2010

I think you need to do what is comfortable for you. I will not tell work until after my first 2nd tri appointment. My parents and brother know, and so does one co-worker who I trust. To me, if your boss did find out, you can explain that you wanted to wait until the second trimester to share the news. I don't think that's irrational or wrong of you and when he/she thinks about it, your boss won't either.

Twinkz · August 2010

I'd do whatever you feel right doing. You said you were excited to tell but are second guessing yourself so I don't know if I have much advice.

MrsMoher · August 2010

DH & I work together (same company/building, but different floors/deparments) and DH is bad about spilling it. So I told my director pretty early, but told him not to tell anyone. He's known for 3 weeks, but my team and co-workers don't yet. I won't tell them for another 3 to 4 weeks (assuming DH keeps his lips sealed). Your boss would probably keep it hush hush if you just tell him you don't want it out. Technically it is medical informtion and he can't ask for, nor share it without your permission, right? I think they can't at least!

OscarQ · August 2010

Ditto doing it when you are comfortable. And disable your FB wall in the meantime if you spill to grandma first.

I've been on both sides of this one. With my first pregnancy I told my boss at 5 weeks. Reason being we were having a "What's the next step in your career discussion?" face to face (I normally work from DE, she's in NYC) and I just spilled - my next step is getting through this pregnancy and let's have this career discussion in a year.

She was a doll when I had the m/c and yes, it was not fun telling her but it wasn't fun telling anyone so what's one more person.

This time I'm waiting until after the CVS results are in and then I'll tell her on my next visit to NYC.

My rationale for waiting this time is that (1) I think she's clued in already and (2) I really didn't want to jinx the pregnancy (I'm so superstitous) so I wasn't comfortable yet.

pinksewingmommy · August 2010

With my first I just kind of blurted it out. I had a doctor appointment the day before because I was run down and worn out. When I got back to work she asked how I was doing. I said "well, I have this weird thing called post nasal drip, alergies, and Im 13 weeks pregnant." She was like "wow thats awesome, congrats." she didn't have any problem, let me work my schedule right up until my due date and let me come back when I was ready.

This time, luckily I work for myself at home, so I dont have to worry about telling the boss! It's been hard to keep it from friends and family. we haven't told more than 10 people, particularly because I had a missed m/c in Jan. I never thought of having complications so I told everyone. This time I am trying to keep it quiet until my appointment on Friday.

i would say that you need to do what feels right, stop second guessing yourself. I would talk to your gramma and tell her why you told her, in secret, and hope that she keeps quiet. If you feel better about it wait until after you appointment next week to tell everyone.

eeyoreem · August 2010

I was waiting until 2nd trimester to tell my boss at work but I had some problems with a subchorionic hemmorrhage and I wanted them to know in case I needed some time off for bed rest or a loss and I don't have any sick time left this year. So I told them confidentially (my boss and his boss) and said that I was waiting till later on to tell everyone else. Its nice that its now out there and they were very understanding about it and I luckily got my 2nd u/s today which showed the hemmorrhage was no longer there so now I'll just wait till later on to have the discussion about what we're going to do in March (I plan to leave the company cuz its 40 miles from home and would be too far from baby)

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