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TTC After a Loss
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Advice, please.

keanaakeanaa member
in TTC After a Loss
So I have class tonight and as I mentioned in a post a few weeks ago there is a girl in my class who is KU and is due a few days before I was. So while I am doing pretty well emotionally most days, she is a constant reminder of what I might look like right now if all was well. Just seeing her isn't so bad but its during the breaks in our class when the conversation is pointed directly at what is going on with her or when the professor checks in with her during class to see how she is doing that gets to me. She makes comments about what she is eating or that she knows everything is okay because she's seen the heartbeat blah, blah, blah. I feel terrible because I totally don't want to steal her joy because it is such a happy time for her and I don't want to be the dark cloud in the room but at the same time I have this class for 7 more weeks and I don't think I can take all the conversations and frankly I don't want to have an emotional breakdown in class one night. What would ya'll do? Say something to her, the professor, the class or nothing at all? I don't know why I feel so embarrassed by this but I am....ugh.
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Re: Advice, please.

  • ColindaPColindaP member
    Well, you can't dictate what people chat about during breaks, but you have a right to be peeved that your prof is dedicating class time to talking about someone's personal life.
    Clicky ticky
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  • millejj1millejj1 member

    You can't do much about breaks other than maybe take a walk or go outside so you don't hear it.

    Regarding the in class comments, I would feel out the professor. They sound fairly caring if they are asking about her well being in class. If they aren't a total jerk, I would approach them during office hours and explain to him that you have recently suffered a loss and that him discussing it during class time is distracting and hurtful to you and you are afraid that it may negatively effect your performance. I would articulate to him that you are happy for her and don't want to rain on her parade, but that it's detrimental to you for it to be constant.

    If he is a jerk, than perhaps you can talk to the department chair. Good luck!

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  • SaraP2010SaraP2010 member

    imageColindaP:
    Well, you can't dictate what people chat about during breaks, but you have a right to be peeved that your prof is dedicating class time to talking about someone's personal life.

    This.  It sucks that you have to listen to that.  Although I would WANT to say something, I probably wouldn't stir the pot.  That's just me though.  Good luck whatever you decide.  ((hugs))

    BFP #1 04/11/10 ~ dx anencephaly
    BFP #2 08/30/10 - DD born 5/18/11 - my little NAIT baby
    BFP #3 03/20/14 - chemical PG
    BFP #4 04/17/14 DS due in December! Currently being treated for NAIT Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BabyFruitTicker
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  • Kristin&AdamKristin&Adam
    I wouldn't say anything, I'd probably go take a walk and remove myself from the situation.  Just try to remember that she doesn't know that you are struggling and suffering and isn't doing it to be spiteful or mean.  I know that doesn't make it any better, and I'm sorry you have to hear it.  Hugs!
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  • MCH77MCH77 member

    I wouldn't say anything.  As much as it hurts me to watch/hear, I can't wait till my day I get to talk about it again.  And I don't want to steal that experience from someone else. 

    I just returned to work from summer break and my co-worker is about 13 weeks pg (I m/c around than) and my first day I had to cry in a office.  I am so thrilled for her and her hubby (who is another teacher at our school), but it kills me.  She knows about my m/c and it trying to be respectful, but I really want her to enjoy it, not worry about me. 

    BFP #1 March 24, 2010; missed m/c May 26, 2010 @ 12w 4d; D&E May 28, 2010

    BFP #2 Oct 20, 2010; My little boy was born on July 5, 2011

    BFP #3 April 30, 2013; Chemical Pg May 5, 2013

    BFP #4 Aug 22, 2013; It's a boy.  Loss discovered at 24 weeks on Jan 15, 2014 (cause CMV virus)    

                                  <3 We love and miss you Timothy <3

    BFP #5 April 6, 2014; missed m/c May 15, 2014 @ 9 weeks; Misoprostol May 15, 2014; D&C May June 3, 2014

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