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Stay at Home Moms
Anyone get this from their out of town relatives?
So DH and I live 2 hours away from my family and 4 hours from his. I am constantly getting the guilt trip from my family that I don't just pack up DS and come visit all the time because "I don't work so I have plenty of free time"
I know I should be happy that they want to see him but the highway goes both ways and they could come visit us. Especially my mom. She came to visit in April after he came home and then not again until June! Now she is on a once a month visit schedule.
I don't think they realize the stress of packing, making sure I have everything, having to buy disposable diapers (we use cd's) and then the disruption in DS schedule when he is in the car for hours sleeping. The last trip to my FIL he didn't sleep more than an hour at a time the first night. I was exhausted.
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Re: Anyone get this from their out of town relatives?
My parents are 6 hours away, and thankfully, no they do not give me a guilt trip but they probably should. Now that I have 2 kids, I know I'll be making the trip to see them even less than I did when we just had the one kid.
Mostly though I just wanted to say I know how you feel because it is a lot of work to pack up kids and take them places, especially car rides, and especially if you're doing it by yourself while the hubby works. And I hate that on top of all that, the kids and you never sleep as well when you travel so its double exhaustion. Yuck.
Sorry your family is giving you a hard time, that is the worst. And by the way, that is pretty awesome that your mom visits so frequently!
This exactly!
We get this all the time.
DH says what you say about the situation, "They could always come see us." Very true.
I do want DS to see his extended family, because everyone has only seen him in photos. If I had extended family who lived just 2 hours driving from us, I would go.
All of our extended (both sides) is a plane flight, a hotel stay, and a car rental away. We're planning on taking a trip soon, but no date set yet.
We have financial restrictions right now, so we can't travel just yet. But it bothers me when they tell us, and I just want to tell them to pay for our trip, a family of three with all of the above is very expensive!
My parents live 2 hours away, and I make the trip a lot. My mom and dad have a crib, disposable diapers, and some toys for the boys at their house, so I don't really pack too much more than I would if I was going to the grocery store. A lot of times I will leave right around time for my baby's morning nap, and I will start the return trip at the boy's bedtime (it's a lot easier on me if I don't have to stay overnight). I put their jammies on at mom and dad's house, and they are always sleeping by the time I get home.
What all are you packing? Would your mom be open to having some basic diapering stuff, toys, bibs, extra clothes, and maybe even a pnp at her house if it meant that you could visit more easily and more often?
Now, my IL's live 4 hours away too, and I agree that is too long of a trip to easily make (alone or with children). I don't want to go there without DH anyway.
My mom keeps the basics. I gave her a lot of it so I wouldn't always have to worry about having everything all the time.
PNP and toys are a huge help for her to have, can you find some cheap to just leave there. Then you just have to pack clothes, food and go.
The more you get out and go places the easier it gets.
It also helps that I dont stress if I forget something small, there are stores everywhere or you can make do with what you brought.
Your little one will become more flexible the more you go places and the older they get the easier.
Is it more the factor that it is not all the fun to visit and not so much the packing that is stopping you?
Fortunately no. MIL lives about 2.5 hours away, but she's retired and knows full well she can more easily drive here. Plus we see her about every other month as it is.
My family lives across the country. One positive side effect of my siblings whining about traveling with kids means my parents don't pressure us to fly across the country with an infant.
If my family was within a days drive, I would totally be going all the time. But we're about 23 hours from home. I've wanted to make the drive by myself, but I think the kids would go nuts in the car for two days.
2 hours? I would make that a day trip. There's no need to even spend the night.
We have traveled with DS together but I have not gone by myself. He is used to being on the go. It isn't my mom as much as all of my Aunts and Uncles. By the time I get there and have to visit everyone I would have to spend the night. Plus my parents are divorced so I try to split time between them.
I know I need to buck up and go visit. This month we have had visitors every weekend except one and we traveled that weekend and I think I am just tired and want some time with DH and DS without other people around. DH's family has either been here or we have been there all month.
Thanks for commiserating!
ditto this-
Sorry but i see things quite different than the rest of you ladies.
Life goes on- even after baby. And sorry no, you don't need to pack up the entire house to go on a little 'day trip' with baby. 2hrs is nothing. I drive to see DH's brother in New Hampshire by myself- and its a 6hr drive. Kids REALLY DO NOT need as much as you think. Most of DH's family live 14+ hrs away. And we have a vacation house 4hrs away and I often go up there with DD by myself.
So are you just going to stay in your house until your kids are old enough?- I mean- no disrespect- but life goes on.
That's my point....if it were only 2 hours than I would be back so often, family would see me all the time and it wouldn't even be a big deal. I wouldn't have to see everyone at every trip, because I can see them next time.
I wouldn't wait for a weekend, either. I'd go on a Wednesday if there was nothing else to do.
My parents live 2.5-3 hours away. It's really not a bad trip at all. Plus my mom bought a lot of hand-me-down baby/toddler stuff from another woman at her church that had all the stuff lying around from her now grown up grand babies. My mom has a lot of grand kids, though...so she got a highchair, 2 portable cribs, an infant bath tub, an exersaucer, a swing, etc...you get the idea.
We also CD and my dad was open to the idea of helping me be able to hook up the diaper sprayer at their house so that I could bring her diapers with her. I simply pack all her diapers (and the diaper soap) in a separate duffel bag and bring them. Mom and dad have disposable wipes at their house, so we just use them instead of cloth wipes while we're there. It makes life a lot easier.
I guess I'm telling you all of this to maybe get your families to consider 1) keeping some baby items at their house like PPs mentioned and 2) ask them to let you hook up a diaper sprayer at their house while you're there so that you can continue CDing while at their house.
If DH's family lived closer (they're 7-8 hrs away) then I'd ask to have the same set up with them.
It is not like I am sitting in the house every day. We are constantly out and about in the city and visiting friends. We have gone on a trip a month since DS was born but as I said it was with DH. DS goes everywhere because we don't have a support system locally. He has been to 7 major league baseball games, on a plane to Florida and spent a week in a hotel and he has been in 4 different states in 4 months.
Maybe I am just lazy or too tired to think rationally about it. We are going to Dayton next month so that DH can run a marathon. On the way back we are stopping in my home town and spending the night and then he is leaving me and DS and my mom is bringing us back a day later. She still works and is only off on Sun and Mon so I have to go on weekends.
I agree with Stacy. Life goes on. My parents are 5 hours away and I have driven it by myself with both kids multiple times. We usually go for 3-4 days every 4-6 weeks. My mom has a PNP and bought a toddler bed. She also has sippy cups, diapers(when we needed them), and when they were younger she would buy baby food when we were coming so I didn't have to bring it. When DD was born, we lived 9hours away from my parents and I drove and took both kids(DD was 4 months old) for a week by myself.
If they were only 2 hours away I would go every other week at least. In fact, my mom and I meet 1/2 way sometimes just for the day. We meet at lunch, spend the afternoon together doing something fun with the kids, have dinner, then head home.