- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Hawaii Babies
redshoegirl
member
oh MIL...you are the queen of drama...
redshoegirl
member
*sigh* MIL gets into the weirdest moods sometimes. The ILs are new to the whole internet thing and FIL wanted my help to look for some car parts on eBay - so I said sure, no problem, stop by any day and bring MIL along for a cup of coffee and to see the boys.
This afternoon she calls Ben at work and tells him that she's "been trying to get hold of Lisa ALL DAY but she won't answer the phone" and to inform me that she's going to come over next week. Seriously? The phone has rung *exactly twice* today - the first call was from a telemarketer and I couldn't answer the second because I was holding a sleeping baby. Presumably the second call was her, but she didn't leave a message and the caller's ID was blocked so I had no way of knowing who it was or returning a call.
Ugh. I think I'm going to have to have a discussion with her. I want things between us to be good, so why bring the drama when there isn't any? I'm not avoiding her (even though I'm convinced she thinks I am just because I missed ONE phone call), I'm not being mean, I'm not banning her from seeing her grandsons - hell, I invited her over for coffee any time she and FIL felt like stopping by! - so what's up with the 'tude?
And now I feel all squirmy because I HATE talking about this kind of thing with her...blah. 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: oh MIL...you are the queen of drama...
frustrating! i hate when people have to be so petty and cause drama where is there is none.
kudos to you for trying to work through it though - even if it makes you squirmy.
I don't want to stoop to petty bickering and I really DO want to get along so I feel like I have to be the bigger person even though sometimes I don't want to lol!
I just don't get why it has to be such a drama. Is it so hard to say, "Hey Ben, I tried calling Lisa and she didn't pick up - is she out of the house today?" Why does it have to be that "I tried calling ALL DAY and she NEVER answered!" Geesh...
oh patient red shoes woman... you have my sympathy!
What did Ben say to her? I think you should let him deal with her on this one - teach her not to say things like always and never!
I love Hawaii!
Tara & Ian . 4/24/2008 . The Kahala Planning . Married
sigh. sorry
Ben should correct her and remind her that you're at home, alone, with 2 babies. and missing ONE phone call is not a crime. maybe she should have called again. or left a message. or not block her phone number so you know to call her back. or all of the above!
Ugh, I am sorry. My MIL is also stirring up B/S over nothing (again) and I frankly don't have time for it. She told J she doesn't agree with our "witholding food from Libby"...WTF? We give her food...we're just not shoveling mush and rice down her throat! She says, "my friend's grandbaby is 2 months old and is already eating rice and applesauce."
Then she proceeds to lecture J on how breastmilk isn't enough and that she tried to BF him but he was never satisfied and wanted to nurse all the time (um, every 2-3 hours when he was newborn...hello?! NORMAL.).
I said that next time she says something he needs to remind her that 1) nobody is more concerned about Libby's well being than us and 2) she is off-the-charts for weight and is not malnourished in the least.
Last time we were there for a visit it was her birthday, so my mom came too and gave her a massage. That took about an hour. Then I was tied up with nursing Libby and getting her down for a nap. MIL complained to J that I barely talked to her. Hello? I am not going to chat with you while you're getting a massage. We visited, so I am not sure what she was expecting.
Best of all? She's coming here this weekend and staying two nights. Ugh. I work on Saturday, so J took the day off and decide to drive down to her place (with Libby) and picking her up and bringing her here (my mom is OOT, she'll stay in her room). She'll be here Sat-Mon...J is working Sunday so guess who gets to entertain his mom? Me. I hope she doesn't say anything about how we're parenting Libby or I am going to lose it.
TTC/PG Blog | Mommy Blog
I feel bad for you... my own mom can be the queen of drama (hence the pregnancy drama that she created)... So I am the product of all of that drama and I feel for you because I HATE it with a passion. It's awful to be the brunt of and it's terrible to just be involved in it at all...
Does it occur to her that you have not one but TWO babies who have constant needs? Diapers, feedings, burpings, attention, love? Clearly she's forgotten how busy it can be to parent those tiny people that can't do anything without your help... it's sad but true. I'm glad to hear that Ben doesn't get sucked into it and just tells you what she said. It's unfortunate that she can't just leave a msg or call back... of course you aren't avoiding her on purpose, you are carrying for two tiny little people who need you more than she does... she just can't see that...
Jaime & Brent
Oahu, Hawaii | Sept. 9, 2005
My Food Blog - Good Eats 'n Sweet Treats
I've learned that drama queens like this don't benefit from a rational conversation. That it's pretty much best if you ignore all the drama and be totally calm and normal--acting like everything is fine between you and her. It doesn't do any good to get worked up about it yourself because no matter how much you feel like complaining, shouting at her, explaining to her, it won't change a thing. Unfortunately.
If she brings it up to you, tell her how many calls you got that day, etc., but, again, don't try to tell her that she is irrational in any way, or that she is the one in error. If she sees that you are just normal, going through your day, then she has no where to escalate the drama.
I feel like I'm an expert at this because my own mother is a drama queen! So I've been dealing with this for YEARS!
Your motto should be, "Whatever--that's cool."
My MIL does the same thing. She will call and I call her back and get her vm and leave her a message and she ends up telling my husband that I "never call her back." Sometimes I admit...I will get a message from her saying "hi Christy its Mom....just calling to say hi and see how that little guy is..." and I don't call her until the next day because I am really busy...or at work or whatever (people do that right??!) and it inevitably gets back to my husband "Christy doesn't call me back." Its really irritating! But while I am on the irritating train...
Whats gets me even more is this..my MIL is a good person, let me just say that first. But she has this habit of promising us gifts and then not following through. For example when DH and I got engaged she said "Oh you have $100 from us to go out to eat at any restaurant to celebrate" and then we never heard anything else about it. This past weekend was our forst anniversary. Again, she said "oh you have $100 to go out to dinner and I will watch the baby for you!". Haven't heard anything since. I feel uncomfortable reminding her. Like what am I supposed to say, hey lady wheres my hundred bucks? Worse than that every Christmas of birthday she writes a very generous check ($500, $250) as a gift. But then a day or two later asks us to wait to cash it. Then a week later will ask us to wait again. Eventually we just give up. It drives me crazy. Its not the money at all. A card would suffice! I don't get her. My husband just sighs, so I feel bad for him too. I guess its just par for the course in this family. But its totally irritating!
Holy hand grenades!!! We have the same MIL!!! And I thought mine was the only one who invented drama where there is none!! Today, instead of telling me that "no, I can't see you tomorrow morning because I have an appt." I got "I have an appointment tomorrow morning so you can't come over. It'll have to be in the afternoon or another day. I just don't understand how you can make time to see your family and FIL's family (they're divorced and I can understand why) and yet I have to cry myself to sleep every night and wake up every morning feeling so lost. Love, Mom"
A simple "I have an appt" would have been sufficient.
GAH!
I agree with this response. Some people are just born exaggerators. My Grandma is the same way. If she's called me twice she says "10 times" but if she did really call me 10 times (because she tends to go CRAZY if she can't get ahold of me sometimes) and I ask her why she called 10 times, she'll say "Oh I only called twice." I have learned over the past 28 years that if I just ignore the details, it helps remove the drama factor. Try not to buy into the drama....you can't control her but you can control how you respond!
Good luck! (it could be MUCH worse!)
I'm sorry, I don't know why MILs have to be such PITAs! lol
Mine has almost split us up before. I'll admit we didn't date too long before DS decided to grace our lives. Anyway MIL hated me for that, and because before me he was paying her bills and then some. She still owes him $3000 and half of that is from after she found out that we were going to have a baby. She even told MY mother that I was just using him (even though I payed for every single appt and every single thing DS has). She disappeared and we had to track her down after DS was born just so she would know. She cried and promised to be there for him, showed up once (last June) and disappeared. Showed up again at the end of October once, disappeared until Christmas, once. Disappeared again until DHs birthday in April. She has come over once since then, and it was *gasp* about money.
As someone else mentioned, she thinks I'm a bad mother. Yeah, even after all I just said up there, *I'm* the bad mother...to top it off she used to be a nurse so she thinks she knows it all. So much, in fact, that DH's babysitter raised him...I get basically yelled at because I don't give DS french fries and McDonalds and sugar..
Ugh, sorry, MIL really gets me angry just thinking about her!! At least she isn't around enough to bother me all the time.
I don't know what it is about a new baby that can cause such joy and DRAMA with family members. My MIL had her father make us an old fashion wooden cradle, which was beautiful, but very unpractical. I have no room for it anywhere in my house so it is still sitting in the middle of my floor, it's hard so the baby can not sleep in it, and she was upset cause I didn't just up and down at 9 months pregnant when they brought it over (my smile and thank you wasn't good enough). To top it off my MIL won't stay when my mom is around now cause my mom defended me with not using the cradle cause I couldn't bend over at the time and it only sits a foot off the ground. And to top it off, she's upset that my mom stayed with us the first week the baby was born and not her ( I had a uterine infection and wanted my mommy not her).
Makes me really worry about the holidays!