What do you think of this? (funeral related)

bancbev · August 2010

As most of you know, Mr.'s aunt died this week (on Monday). My SIL (Mr.'s brother's wife) had a baby on Tuesday via repeat c section and they also have a 4 year old. My BIL is planning on driving to Atlanta for the funeral, leaving her alone with a 5 day old and a 4 year old. Her parents aren't able to stay with her since they have to get back to work (live out of town). I would go stay with her (2 hours away) but I have my own 6 week old and don't want to drive that far alone with the baby at this point.

I know it's family and he feels obligated but I told her no way in hell would I be OK with him going. She doesn't want him to go but feels it's not her place to say no.

What's your opinion? (BTW I may DD this)

Mama_SAS · August 2010

I would expect family to understand that he can't leave his wife alone with 2 kids after major surgery. I will be having a repeat c-section and have a 4 year old and I can't imagine being alone with them within the first few days or even weeks. DH is taking 3 weeks off to stay home.

crownedbee · August 2010

I think they need to send flowers and he needs to stay home. She doesn't need to be alone with a 5 day old and a 4 year old (no matter how helpful the 4 year old is) after a c-section.

And she needs to speak up for herself. Being completely responsible for a young child and a newborn right after major surgery is not something I would ever be okay with.

oh-zysbaby · August 2010

Medically, she can't be alone this soon after a C-section. She cannot take care of their older child and will need help with the baby. He should not feel obligated to go, he can pay his respects in another way.

joanithegreat · August 2010

Considering the fact that his wife just had a baby, I am sure the family would understand why he can't make it to the funeral.

angiegail78 · August 2010

crownedbee:
I think they need to send flowers and he needs to stay home. She doesn't need to be alone with a 5 day old and a 4 year old (no matter how helpful the 4 year old is) after a c-section.
And she needs to speak up for herself. Being completely responsible for a young child and a newborn right after major surgery is not something I would ever be okay with.

This. I was still having trouble walking and standing for long periods 5 days post c-section.

leslie13510 · August 2010

I was medically not allowed to be alone for longer than an hour or two for the first 2 weeks after my c-section. I would not be ok with this simply because I physically could not do everything so soon after my c-section that taking care of a newborn requires. Hell, I couldn't even shower when I was home by myself during the first week in case I passed out and hit my head and bled out all over the tub or something.

roshybride · August 2010

He needs to stay home. That soon after her c/s she shouldn't even be lifting the baby very much, let alone being the sole care provider for a 4 yr old and a newborn. Family will understand.

pinkflipflops44 · August 2010

unless he finds someoneto stay with her that she trusts/wants then he needs to stay.

bensbabe · August 2010

pinkflipflops44:
unless he finds someone to stay with her that she trusts/wants then he needs to stay.

Only this. I would never stay alone w/two kids that little, especially after giving birth (C/s or not). She is not going to be safe or function well enough to care for the older child. His family should understand.

bancbev · August 2010

Thanks ladies! I just wanted to make sure I wasn't crazy. The family would totally understand, it's the BIL who feels he needs/wants to be there. He is the kind of guy that cannot stand to not be where everyone else is (huge irish family). My DH is going to talk to him tonight.

oh-zysbaby · August 2010

He should use the word "dangerous". If she tried to pick up the 4 year old there could easily be a medical emergency.

bancbev · August 2010

oh-zysbaby:
He should use the word "dangerous". If she tried to pick up the 4 year old there could easily be a medical emergency.

I like that. I will tell him.

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