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December 2010 Moms
help after birth poll
My mother will fly over for 3 weeks to help out with DS and hopefully be here for teh birth of DD. My MIL is willing to come up 'on call' outside that period. However, she does not drive, so won't be here until about a day after (my guess, but she's dependant on train times, etc), so we'd still need to find a friend to look after DS while we go to hospital. Also, as she's coming on her own, she would expect to sleep on our couch. That just doesn't sound appealing; we have a tiny 2 bedroom house. If I need to get up in teh ngiht to feed, I'm stuck in our bedroom (right next to DS's room) or will have to wake her up. I struggle with her coming to visit when it's 8 hours a day, and 24/7 makes my head spin. (My mom would also do this, but it doesn't bother me nearly as much.) She's not the most helpful people. (At DS's 2nd birthday, when I was 17 weeks pregnant, she didn't offer to lift a finger until after 3 days had passed. So I'm not convinced she'll be overly helpful around the birth.)
BUT, help is help, right? Maybe we'll want it? DH will be off work around the birth, and MIL would only be there from 2-7 days (although she's being very vague.). My instinct is that no, I don't want her there, but I don't know if I'm over-reacting and will regret not having an extra set of hands...
[Poll]Mum to W (4) and M (nearly 2)
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Re: help after birth poll
I guess it's just the staying in our living room that pushes me over the edge.
We didn't have any help when DS arrived either. PIL came up for a brief overnight visit (they stayed at a B&B) when he was 5 days old. They sat still and I made tea. Ideally, my mom will be here, so it's a moot point. But I just worry that I'm over-reacting. But I remember how hard it was last time (esp wtih teh c-section scar and mobility and having a non-helping helper, plus personal midwife visits, etc, just sounds awful).
Thanks for the feedback though!
I totally feel ya...I was talking to my MIL last night and she mentioned that we should just call when I go into labor b/c they are coming down. Granted we live 7 hrs away but I REALLY don't want to have to worry about coming home from the hosptial to the mess they will leave in my house (they never put their dishes in the washer, FIL has Miller time daily and MIL gets her chimeny smoke on outside but still). They are nice people but very different than my parents.
Plus MIL and my mom are nice to each other but I know underneath they don't like one another and I really rely on my mom for help (she will cook and do laundry) so I know if the ILs are here she won't be over here.
So to hijack your post with my own troubles! If no feelings will be hurt and you can get away from her not coming then I don't really think she needs to be there especially if she's not helpful. But I know that would cause major drama if I recommended my ILs not come. Good Luck!
I don't know if I'm the right person to ask, I hate my MIL with a burning passion. I'd rather leave my child with a dog named Nana than with her.
BUT, help is help I suppose. If you have a good relationship with her maybe give it a chance. I would find out exactly how long she's planning on staying though. No vagueness allowed. And I understand how you feel, I would be totally fine with my mother but would feel a little uncomfortable with someone from my husbands family.
My step MIL no way! I don't even know if I want my MIL here. I just found out that both my parents and sister's family are coming out when the baby is due. That is enough for me!
I am still not sure how we are going to handle family visitors when the LO comes.
Hilarious! But I'm leaning that direction too. My MIL wants to be here, not sure for how long, but if she comes that means FIL comes too...and while she'd use the guest room he'd sleep in the chair in the den and really, I don't want to feel like I have to hide in my own house when I BF. Plus I get the vibe that DH would have to "take care" of them while they're here, when all I want is him to take care of me! Is that selfish?
This is exactly it. We would have to avoid the livign room, which means we're hiding out in the master bedroom. Also, she can't lift DS, she doesn't play with him really, so she'd want to do as PP said and hold baby all the time, while not volunteering. And yes, we can tell her what to do, but she's already said she doesn't feel comfortable cooking in other people's kitchens. (They decided not to come up for xmas b/c we said we werne' tcooking xmas dinner - that we'd have too much on, but that they'd be welcoem to cook. Apparently that wasn't how she envisioned xmas...) So not sure what she'd do, to be honest. (She does'nt even drive, so can't go do grocery shops for us.)
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My MIL's idea of helping would be "I'll hold the baby while you make us dinner" and I'm pretty sure that's not what I'll need after the baby is born. My mom on the other hand will cook, clean, do whatever is needed without being asked, you know...actually be helpful. I am dreading having my MIL at our house. She's the type you have to 'entertain' when she comes over. If you haven't offered her a beverage in the first 1.5 minutes that she's over she's huffy and says we're being bad hosts. My husband has actually said he wants my mom around after the birth and not his because of this so it's not a biased opinion.
If my mom were still alive then yes 100% I would adore her help.
My MIL drives my pretty darn crazy, very manic and stressful and overall a negative person. And like someone else said I like the idea of having the time to myself with my baby and getting it all figured out. But who knows, she will show up when she feels and leave when she feels - she never communicates and never plans anything. Though I have gotten pretty good at telling her how I feel so we will see what happens.