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February 2011 Moms
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Any unhelpful friends/coworkers adding to DH worries? Rant...

kimolykimoly
in February 2011 Moms
So, DH was telling me and friends at dinner last night how his non-multi-tasking completely selfish colleague was telling him how having children basically made it so he was unable to write any publications ever again (DH is a professor) and was SOOOO expensive and "took up EVERY SPARE MINUTE" of his life. Oh, and also was responsible for destroying his marriage. What a turd. Wouldn't "congratulations" have been fine?!? It just sent DH into a worry wart fest about how he is going to juggle it all....I told DH we are not that couple and that we will make sure he has time to write his papers, I have time to do my thing (I know it will be really hard, of course) and that we will be fine. WTF?!? Anyone else run into this kind of negativity from male friends, etc.?
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Re: Any unhelpful friends/coworkers adding to DH worries? Rant...

  • Brady1*Brady1*
    These types of comments come from my MIL all the time. Tuesday night, I got "Your life is over" which I responded with " No it's not, but either way I prayed to have this child, it's what we wanted" That shut her up. 
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  • SerpentesbrideSerpentesbride
    It sounds as if his marriage was effected by him no longer being the center of the universe. There are these things called spouses and daycares that have been known to care for children so that things can be achieved child free. My son's father has blamed my son for why he did not finish school and why he has not held a job in 9 years. I have custody of our son. I have a job and finished school. Some love using children as a crutch. Tell your husband that he still can achieve anything he puts his mind to,
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  • Mrs.Jocelyn2007Mrs.Jocelyn2007 member

    imageSerpentesbride:
    My son's father has blamed my son for why he did not finish school and why he has not held a job in 9 years. I have custody of our son. I have a job and finished school. Some love using children as a crutch. Tell your husband that he still can achieve anything he puts his mind to,

    Yeah! I am inspired! :)

    Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. - Kahlil Gibran

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  • JessiRayeJessiRaye member

    Wow, the things people will say!!!! Sure, your life will change. Yes, things may get more complicated. And of course, children aren't free! But the changes that we have gone thru since having our children have been the BEST! Hopefully your DH will just forget everything that moron said.

     

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  • kimolykimoly
    Thanks, ladies! If only he'd talked to you, and not that douche. Oh, and I forgot to mention that guy also said that having children was like "going to war," i.e., a really horrible experience at the time, but one you would look back on somewhat fondly. I totally agree with the post above that said his problem was not being the center of the universe. Oh, and kudos to the mom on here who finished school while being a single mom! You rule!
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  • Swan21Swan21
    I'm sorry you're going through this. He sounds like a joy. Fortunately we are some of the last of DH's friends to start having children and they have all been telling him how wonderful it is and how lucky he is. So I can't really complain there.
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  • st.augbridest.augbride member
    When I got my PhD, I purposefully surrounded myself by positive advisors and professors who juggled a great career and family. It's SO totally possible and even more accurate, very likely if it's what you both want! Clearly this other guy wasn't sure he wanted kids in the first place. I'd also guess their marriage wasn't stellar pre-baby. My dh and I both need to constantly publish for our careers, and not once did we think that would be compromised by having a baby. It's like any other job; you just need to prioritize everything and focus on one thing at a time. Will it be harder? Sure, but it's also so worth it.
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