Husband's being moved to Japan..without me. — The Bump
Military Families

Husband's being moved to Japan..without me.

Im 12 weeks pregnant. About a month ago we found out that at the end of August my Marine husband is being PCS'ed to Japan...without me. We have no idea why I'm not on the orders and we were told that it will TRY to be changed...no guarantees. This is our first pregnancy. Im having a really hard time dealing with this knowing he will be absent for 2 years, so he will miss the first year and a half of our baby's life. I can't come to terms with this and can't understand why they are not putting me on his orders. Any advice or suggestions? I need help.
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Re: Husband's being moved to Japan..without me.

  • Unfortunately some orders are written unaccompanied for a reason, it just depends on the type of assignment. It does seem a little odd that a two year assignment would be written unaccompanied, especially for one in Japan, so it might have just been a mistake, but it might not have been. I hope that it gets changed and you are able to go with him. If not just try to make the best of the situation, you can both visit and you can always move back home to be closer to family, which will help some. Good Luck!
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  • I have no idea if this is even possible, but it may be because of the pregnancy. I had to fill out like 6 forms saying that I wasn't pregnant before they would let me accompany DH to Egypt simply because they don't have the facilities to accommodate delivery here. Lo and behold I got pregnant nearly as soon as I stepped off the plane. 

    Talk to the USMC equivalent of AFPC (I don't know what the office is called) they should be able to shed some light. I've only ever heard of 12-18 month unaccompanied tours - not counting deployments. Had I not come to Egypt DH's tour would have been 18 months. 

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  • Hopefully they can get you put on the orders!!
  • my dh was moved to japan without me but he only was allowed there for a year since I wasn't going.  So the you not being on 2 year orders must have been an oops.  I had a hard time with it as well.  I hope things get better for you and those darned orders get changed :)

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  • I really hope that you get on the orders.  I do agree that its strange for 2 years and to Japan.  Would it be possible for you to move their on your own if your not on the ordrs?  Somebody correct me if I'm wrong - but I think this is allowed.
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  • When you are assigned OCONUS there are certain restrictions on family members. Depending on the length and type of assignment the command will or will not sponsor family members. It is usually called a hardship or remote tour because you are seperated from your family.

    The PP who mentioned your pregnancy may not be far off. OCONUS duty stations have limited medical resources. I.E. if you are a pregnant family member with your spouse at GTMO Cuba, you will be relocated to southern florida for the birth of your child - Why? Because while the base DOES have an GYN, they don't always have an OB/GYN available to provide to care.

    It may not be the reason he rec'd unaccompanied orders, but it is possible. All of that being said - if it was an error they will need to correct it ASAP. So you can get your OCONUS screening completed.

    Keep your chin up - grab those BGP's and hold on. I hope it works out for you.

  • imageagis:

    imageRoseTor:
    I really hope that you get on the orders.  I do agree that its strange for 2 years and to Japan.  Would it be possible for you to move their on your own if your not on the ordrs?  Somebody correct me if I'm wrong - but I think this is allowed.

     

    I know this was the case for Korea.

    It all depends on the post/mission/command. If he is in a sensitive position she will not be authorized to be there and if it is a short tour it would be a major waste of money.

    IMO, sit tight and see what happens.

  • imageARMYmarriedNAVY:

    When you are assigned OCONUS there are certain restrictions on family members. Depending on the length and type of assignment the command will or will not sponsor family members. It is usually called a hardship or remote tour because you are seperated from your family.

    The PP who mentioned your pregnancy may not be far off. OCONUS duty stations have limited medical resources. I.E. if you are a pregnant family member with your spouse at GTMO Cuba, you will be relocated to southern florida for the birth of your child - Why? Because while the base DOES have an GYN, they don't always have an OB/GYN available to provide to care.

    It may not be the reason he rec'd unaccompanied orders, but it is possible. All of that being said - if it was an error they will need to correct it ASAP. So you can get your OCONUS screening completed.

    Keep your chin up - grab those BGP's and hold on. I hope it works out for you.

    But that makes sense for GTMO.  I know it is also the case for Bahrain, although that location is beginning to allow children - don't know about pregnancy and delivery though.  Many OCONUS stations are great family locations and do have facilities for childbirth.  DH is stationed in Italy right now and we have OB/GYN and Pediatrics.  I have a friend who is a USMC wife and she delivered a baby in Japan, so my guess is that this was a mistake.  I believe Japan is a pretty family-friendly duty station.  To OP, I hope you get on the orders and it was all a mistake.  2 years seems like an inordinate amount of time for unaccompanied orders.  I thought the norm was 1 year for unaccompanied.

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  • Hi!! :D I'm 12 weeks also and my husband is also going to Japan unaccompained. He got his orders before we got married though. He is going to be there a year, but we decided that instead of having them changed it would be best if he just did his 1 year alone. If I go over with him we will have to stay there for 3 years and we did not want to live there for 3 years and have our child born there with no family around. I will be on his orders for his next duty station. :)

  • Thanks for everyone's advice. I mentioned that many married couples only had to be apart for a year, but he said there's nothing he can do. I don't know if he's just not willing to put in the effort to find out or what. They knew we were married when he received his orders, they did not know about the baby though, so I know the unaccompanied decision was not because I'm pregnant. Anyway, we find out the specifics on Monday. Keeping my fingers crossed for good news, but I don't feel like anything will have changed. Time to be a big girl and just start accepting it.
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  • I hate to ask, but what is his rank? I am not a rank person, but it could be the problem. I am not sure if he is coming to Okinawa, but if he is Marines he will have it the toughest on island. I have heard E5 and above are the ones that will have families here. I am not sure if that is correct because we Army, but that is just a rumor for us. The restrictions are very crazy. Lower ranks are not allowed to leave base for a certain amount of time. Drinking and cars are also restricted.time. My suggestion is to get into contact with his unit he is coming to and get the facts. It could be a long battle but so worth it in the end. Also, we have over 600 pregnant woman on island and the labor and delivery gets busy some times. You will labor in your own room, but once your baby is here you will share with another person. You will also share a bathroom with two others. So four women whom have all just given birth using the same bathroom. :/ If you do come your tour will be bumped to three years. 
  • Oh I want to add, You do not want to come here without being on his orders. It is very expensive. He would not receive OHA or the extra COLA for you. We also have a rule in place now that all new families on island must live on post unless otherwise given permission. The permission normally being that the couple has no children. Housing off post is crazy expensive and once the owners find out you are military they charge the exact price of your husbands OHA. Funny how that one happens. lol In order to get a drivers license I had to be on his orders. So it really is best to make sure everything get fixed before you come. Also, if my husband came before me and had the house set up when we got here, my life would have been so much easier. lol 
  • imageRoseTor:
    I really hope that you get on the orders.  I do agree that its strange for 2 years and to Japan.  Would it be possible for you to move their on your own if your not on the ordrs?  Somebody correct me if I'm wrong - but I think this is allowed.

    Orders are changing in Okinawa for Marines. 2 years unaccompanied and 3 years accompanied. Obviously this isn't a hard and fast rule and I am sure there are married SMs on one year tours. 

    Just wanted to add to LivinginOki's comment: Only those with SOFA status are allowed to stay in Okinawa. If you attempt to buy a one way ticket, the airline will not allow you on the plane unless they see that VISA in your passport (the SOFA status stamp). If you come on a round trip ticket without SOFA status, they will allow you stay for 90 days maximum. On the 91th day you risk being held by customs or jailed when you attempt to leave. I'm not kidding. You can ask for an extension but this is on a case by case basis. 

    Have your H talked to his command and if you are serious about getting the orders changed to accompanied. Keep in mind that while there are lots of pregnant women on Okinawa, that doesn't mean they can provide the correct care your child or you may need. As Okinawa is a small island and certain procedures are limited, they would need to fly you to Hawaii if anything dire arose. That being said, many women give birth here without any problems. You will need to go through medical clearance and an area clearance (this is Marine Corps only). 

    PS I normally post on MN, so sorry if you don't recognize the s/n. 

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