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February 2011 Moms
Help please
No flaming please...
So I've been struggling with these mood swings for a few weeks now and for the first time in my entire life, I feel like I can't talk to my mom about it. I feel like my loved ones should understand that I'm pregnant, and being mean, short tempered or shouting at me breaks me in to pieces. But both my husband and my mother have made no concessions whatsoever to be a little more sensitive or understanding.
I feel like I'm doing this alone. I don't have any pregnant friends or really know anyone I can call to talk to, and we can't afford a therapist right now. I have such a short temper that everything irritates me, I get angry at everything, and then I end up so depressed I can't stop crying. I know this is SO bad for the baby.
So in your opinion ladies, do you think I should wait it out a little longer? Or should I call my ob/gyn and ask for medication (which I still feel is bad) or should I try to find a cheap therapist? Is there some sort of free hotline or something for pregnant women? I know it sounds silly, but I can't do this to myself or the baby any more.
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Re: Help please
I would call your OB. He/She might suggest counseling. I saw a counselor my whole TTC journey and when I was pregnant with DD. It's just so much to handle that talking to someone really helped me. She listened to my "I'm going to be a horrible mother!!!!" rants and helped to calm me down. And then after DD was born I thought OK, I'm good except I got socked with horrible post-pardum. I waited 8 weeks! before talking to my OB. He said I should have called him way earlier. Crying 14 times a day is NOT normal. When we got pregnant again this time at my first appointment he handed me a referral to my counselor and said after this baby is born I have 2 weeks MAX to determine if I can hande things on my own and if I can't my husband is to call him and he will prescribe me medication and send me to my counselor again.
I really regret waiting so long. That's 8 weeks with my daughter that will be the darkest memories of my life. Enjoy your pregnancy and your baby and get help now.
DD born 07.06.09 || DS born 01.24.11 || Bean 3.0 due 11.16.12
I think this board is of good use just for this! Don't ask for the drugs!!
Are you working out enough? A good sweat releases all kinds of good chemicals into your body - good for baby too.
Are you eating right? Sometimes when I eat crap (like the Twinkies I had this morning), the carbs give me major mood swings.
You should definitely let your mom and husband know you need some air. Try getting out alone. Do you have a community center with yoga or prenatal classes? Go swimming? Shopping?
Most of my friends here are oblivious to anything mommyhood-related - don't feel alone. Just take some time out for yourself to BREATHE!!
It's always good to talk to your OB, they're always there for you and very understanding in what you're going through. I find myself lashing out at my husband at times, sometimes he takes it and sometimes he doesn't. When I feel myself getting irritated I just go to our bedroom and lie down. Take a few deep breaths and gather yourself. I've found that this helps a lot.
I know the mood swings are hard to control, but at a certain point you can feel them coming. It's best to catch yourself and find a quite, calm place to get it back together. I hope you feel better and try to get lots of rest and think about happy things
You're going to have a baby soon! Just think about holding him/her and all the wonderful memories you will create with your new family.
Yoga is great and added bonus: it can help teach you to breathe for labor!
DD born 07.06.09 || DS born 01.24.11 || Bean 3.0 due 11.16.12
Sweetie, I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time right now! DH is being great but my Mom is making things really difficult and I have to avoid her which is hard and not easy on anyone. My Dad is starting to worry I'm not going to want her around the babies when they come (which I would never do) but its becoming a big issue in my family. Its so much unnecessary stress, I don't know why they don't realize its not good to upset a pregnant woman.
I do highly recommend yoga, but I also think you should look into some affordable counseling. A friend of mine found a place recently that worked on a sliding scale for people who couldn't afford it or have insurance coverage. Maybe do a search and see if you can find anything in your community, and maybe your OB's office can get you some info/referrals. It should definitely help to just be able to get it out and have someone listen.
Good luck, and let us know how you make out.
I definitely agree with talking to your OB. Also, you should be able to find affordable counseling. If your insurance won't pay for it, talk to someone from Health and Human Services in your area, and they should definitely have free or inexpensive services available. In the cities/states that I've lived in, the health of pregnant women and children is very important and help is available if you ask.
You also need to find something that calms you. Yoga is great...walking, reading, even listening to music....something easy that you can focus on to bring you back to normal when you start to feel crazy. I hope you start to feel better soon.
I was the same way with my son and didn't get help. I did have some post partum depression and never got help, then I got pregnant with my daughter, had worse depression (managed to hide it very well because I was ashamed) and after my daughter was born, I daydreamed of leaving my two children in the house and me leaving forever. That's how depressed I was.
Get help now, but that's not necessarily meaning you need drugs. A social worker can put you into contact with free therapists and pregnancy groups to help you make friends with women who can relate. Prenatal yoga is awesome too, I;m a total noob at yoga but it's so relaxing. I'd love to do more real yoga after the baby is born, but I don't know if I'll have the time.
You do need help. It sounds to me like you really need real life friends who you can relate to.
This is exactly what I was thinking. Hormones do crazy things in all of our bodies...we are all different. This is not your fault! Talk to your OB and your DH. With my first pregnancy, DH was so clueless and had no sympathy for me at all. 3rd time around, he is much better! I just think they have no clue how to handle all of the change either!
Get help now, because if you are already aware of some depression (or whatever is going on) you can be ready for it if it rears its ugly head after the baby is born. There are some amazing therapists out there, but above all, your OB needs to be clued in every step of the way!
Hope you can get some answers and comfort!
Oh honey! I'm so sorry you are feeling so negatively!! It sounds like you definitely need to talk to your OB, which it sounds like you are going to. I'm Bi-Polar (type 2 which is less sever but still very difficult) and my psychiatrist said to never let any depressed feelings go for longer than a week without calling him! A day or two is fine, everyone has bad days, but if it last more than a week to call him immediately! And there are definitely councilors who work on a sliding scale or take insurance!
I may get totally flamed for this, but know that if worse comes to worse, there are drugs out there that you can take. I'm off all my medication right now, but my midwife made it very clear that this was only with the understanding that if it was seen that I really needed them, I would go back on them. It's all about a risk-benefit analysis. Anti-depressants (and other psychotropic medications) should never be given out as candy to anyone, especially pregnant women! But in certain cases, the potential risk of the depression symptoms to the baby actually outweigh the potential risk of the medication. Taking any medication during pregnancy is never a decision to be taken lightly! I was lucky enough to have a family friend who is a pharmacist who actually contacted the drug companies! Absolutely make sure you are getting enough sleep, eating right, exercising, doing yoga, and anything else that you can find to help, but know that you have options!
I've found personally, that identifying that I'm in a bad mood is helpful. I tend to get really quiet and withdrawn when I get irritable or depressed, and the more my husband badgers me about what is wrong, the more I want to bite his head off. If I'll let him know that I'm struggling with my emotions and could use his help he is more likely to want to help me (snuggle, be quiet, let me go off by myself, get me ice cream, hehe) rather than be pissed off because I didn't tell him how I was feeling and lashed out at him.
Good luck! And let us know if you need anything!
I think bonnie's advice (as well as many other people's) is really solid. First of all, you should be proud of yourself. You are able to realize you need help and express it to others. That's a lot more than many other people can do!
I would definitely keep your husband in the loop. He needs to be an informed partner on this. Call your doctor and discuss your options. There are all sorts of things you can do, and you will find something that works for you. Above all, please don't beat yourself up. You are doing your best. Be kind to yourself. That's step one.