Military Families

debate..

So, I'm going to be 37 weeks when my FI graduates..I live in California, he's at South Carolina..literally across the country.

 

But parents do not think I should go and risk being in labor and other complications that might happen in the air.

Some people here has advice that I should go.

I really want to because I miss him soo much and I know it would mean alot to him if we(the baby and I) go, but I also want to do what's safe/best for our baby. The next time I would get to see him is Christmas..after our baby's here.

What do you think? Would you? At 37 weeks?

*note: please no harsh comments, if you think this post is silly, then just don't comment.

«1

Re: debate..

  • J+MSJ+MS member

    I'd be shocked if you found an airline that would even let you on a plane. Most don't allow women who are pregnant further than 35 weeks. GL with that.

    ETA: and California is not half-way across the country from S. Carolina..it's literally all the way across the country.

    "Seriously, mommy forum people are some crazy ass bitches." New Year New You
  • Ditto PP. You will not be allowed to fly that late. I understand that you miss him, but you really don't have a choice here.
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  • South Carolina is on the opposite coast of California. Not halfway across the US... all the way. 

    No. I wouldn't. I didn't see my H graduate and he was 1 state over. It's a small portion of his military career and it would be silly to risk your safety and the safety of your child for this. 

    5/100
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  • I think the question at hand is: are you willing to risk the safety of you and your unborn child to fly to see him?

    My answer is no, and I would hope your FI would agree that safety is more important.

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    67/200
  • imageJ+MS:

    I'd be shocked if you found an airline that would even let you on a plane. Most don't allow women who are pregnant further than 35 weeks. GL with that.

    ETA: and California is not half-way across the country from S. Carolina..it's literally all the way across the country.

    haha that's what i meant literally around the country, thank you..

    But i checked and they do with a dr.'s note

  • imageJ+MS:

    I'd be shocked if you found an airline that would even let you on a plane. Most don't allow women who are pregnant further than 35 weeks. GL with that.

    ETA: and California is not half-way across the country from S. Carolina..it's literally all the way across the country.

    This is was my first thought.

    I think this is really simple... safety first! When I was around 37/38 wks my OB wouldn't even let me travel more than an hour away from the hospital...

  • No dr. worth their salt would recommend you flying that late in your pregnancy.
  • I think he has matured and I hope he does and will understand..

     

    Thank you for all your advice

  • imagenewmommy111710:
    imageJ+MS:

    I'd be shocked if you found an airline that would even let you on a plane. Most don't allow women who are pregnant further than 35 weeks. GL with that.

    ETA: and California is not half-way across the country from S. Carolina..it's literally all the way across the country.

    haha that's what i meant literally around the country, thank you..

    But i checked and they do with a dr.'s note

    I highly doubt your OB will approve travel so late in pregnancy.  Have you asked him/her?

    Also, a big ole eye roll at your little "note."  Grow up.

    image
    image
  • imagenewmommy111710:
    imageJ+MS:

    I'd be shocked if you found an airline that would even let you on a plane. Most don't allow women who are pregnant further than 35 weeks. GL with that.

    ETA: and California is not half-way across the country from S. Carolina..it's literally all the way across the country.

    haha that's what i meant literally around the country, thank you..

    But i checked and they do with a dr.'s note

    How, exactly, did you check? Every major US airline has blanket restrictions on carrying pregnant passengers after a certain mark. Most are between 33-35 weeks. Your doctor cannot possibly write a note guaranteeing that you won't go into labor and cause them to have to land the plan somewhere unplanned. 

    And I seriously doubt your doctor would give you a note for that. 

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  • J+MSJ+MS member
    imagenewmommy111710:

    I think he has matured and I hope he does and will understand..

     

    Thank you for all your advice

    Um, I think you're the one that needs to mature. If you can't make it a little longer w/o seeing your H for the safety of you and your child than how the eff are you going to manage being a military wife? As I said, GOOD LUCK.

    "Seriously, mommy forum people are some crazy ass bitches." New Year New You
  • Even if you could find an airline to fly you there, think about what could happen when you arrived.  I am guessing you probably have an OB/GYN in Cali already, and a birth plan/hospital/baby "gear".  If I were you, I would stay just for all that.  What if you went into labor in South Carolina, which could easily happen at 37 weeks? Where would you go to have the baby? What would the baby wear? Where would the car seat (or car?) be when you were ready to leave the hospital?

    Instead of flying out there, could you maybe set up a video camera (a'la last week's Army Wives episode") for him to see the birth live, using Skype? Then he could talk to you while it is happening? Or just have someone film it so he can see? I can totally see why you'd want to be with him, but IMO it would not be a good idea unless 1) You could get there safely and 2) You would be prepared for the birth and aftermath (i.e. taking the baby home). 

  • imagenewmommy111710:

     

    But parents do not think I should go 

    I'm genuinely not saying this meanly, but you have to listen to them. You're still a juvenile (legally speaking).  

    I've seen a lot of military surprise homecomings. It wouldn't work on me. I always have my back to the corner and my face to the door. Looking for terrorists, criminals, various other threats, and husbands.
  • imagemeltoine:
    imagenewmommy111710:
    imageJ+MS:

    I'd be shocked if you found an airline that would even let you on a plane. Most don't allow women who are pregnant further than 35 weeks. GL with that.

    ETA: and California is not half-way across the country from S. Carolina..it's literally all the way across the country.

    haha that's what i meant literally around the country, thank you..

    But i checked and they do with a dr.'s note

    How, exactly, did you check? Every major US airline has blanket restrictions on carrying pregnant passengers after a certain mark. Most are between 33-35 weeks. Your doctor cannot possibly write a note guaranteeing that you won't go into labor and cause them to have to land the plan somewhere unplanned. 

    And I seriously doubt your doctor would give you a note for that. 

    theres a website where it gives you all the planes restrictions fro pregnancy.

  • imagenewmommy111710:
    imagemeltoine:
    imagenewmommy111710:
    imageJ+MS:

    I'd be shocked if you found an airline that would even let you on a plane. Most don't allow women who are pregnant further than 35 weeks. GL with that.

    ETA: and California is not half-way across the country from S. Carolina..it's literally all the way across the country.

    haha that's what i meant literally around the country, thank you..

    But i checked and they do with a dr.'s note

    How, exactly, did you check? Every major US airline has blanket restrictions on carrying pregnant passengers after a certain mark. Most are between 33-35 weeks. Your doctor cannot possibly write a note guaranteeing that you won't go into labor and cause them to have to land the plan somewhere unplanned. 

    And I seriously doubt your doctor would give you a note for that. 

    theres a website where it gives you all the planes restrictions fro pregnancy.

    Mind sharing that link? I'm 100% sure that they would not allow this unless it was a dire emergency. Graduation is not.  

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  • imageappelyeverafter:

    Even if you could find an airline to fly you there, think about what could happen when you arrived.  I am guessing you probably have an OB/GYN in Cali already, and a birth plan/hospital/baby "gear".  If I were you, I would stay just for all that.  What if you went into labor in South Carolina, which could easily happen at 37 weeks? Where would you go to have the baby? What would the baby wear? Where would the car seat (or car?) be when you were ready to leave the hospital?

    Instead of flying out there, could you maybe set up a video camera (a'la last week's Army Wives episode") for him to see the birth live, using Skype? Then he could talk to you while it is happening? Or just have someone film it so he can see? I can totally see why you'd want to be with him, but IMO it would not be a good idea unless 1) You could get there safely and 2) You would be prepared for the birth and aftermath (i.e. taking the baby home). 

    That's a great idea..i'll see when I actually deliver, mabey he would done with graduation..on his way to ait and i can talk to him..yea i think we will film it so he can watch it when he comes home

  • imagemeltoine:
    imagenewmommy111710:
    imagemeltoine:
    imagenewmommy111710:
    imageJ+MS:

    I'd be shocked if you found an airline that would even let you on a plane. Most don't allow women who are pregnant further than 35 weeks. GL with that.

    ETA: and California is not half-way across the country from S. Carolina..it's literally all the way across the country.

    haha that's what i meant literally around the country, thank you..

    But i checked and they do with a dr.'s note

    How, exactly, did you check? Every major US airline has blanket restrictions on carrying pregnant passengers after a certain mark. Most are between 33-35 weeks. Your doctor cannot possibly write a note guaranteeing that you won't go into labor and cause them to have to land the plan somewhere unplanned. 

    And I seriously doubt your doctor would give you a note for that. 

    theres a website where it gives you all the planes restrictions fro pregnancy.

    Mind sharing that link? I'm 100% sure that they would not allow this unless it was a dire emergency. Graduation is not.  

    https://www.babycenter.com/0_airline-policies-for-pregnant-travelers_6976.bc

  • No, don't go.

    Even though you're only 17, try to be an adult about this. Think about the health and safety of your baby and not about what you want.

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  • imagenewmommy111710:

    That article is from June 2006. I'm thinking policies have changed since then. I'm not sure though. 

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  • imageErin2903:

    No, don't go.

    Even though you're only 17, try to be an adult about this. Think about the health and safety of your baby and not about what you want.

    Yes, I know. I am only 17, but I gotta act like a mom(i'm learning and trying)..haha gotta start somewhere..I know I shouldn't be selfish

  • imagenewmommy111710:
    imagemeltoine:
    imagenewmommy111710:
    imagemeltoine:
    imagenewmommy111710:
    imageJ+MS:

    I'd be shocked if you found an airline that would even let you on a plane. Most don't allow women who are pregnant further than 35 weeks. GL with that.

    ETA: and California is not half-way across the country from S. Carolina..it's literally all the way across the country.

    haha that's what i meant literally around the country, thank you..

    But i checked and they do with a dr.'s note

    How, exactly, did you check? Every major US airline has blanket restrictions on carrying pregnant passengers after a certain mark. Most are between 33-35 weeks. Your doctor cannot possibly write a note guaranteeing that you won't go into labor and cause them to have to land the plan somewhere unplanned. 

    And I seriously doubt your doctor would give you a note for that. 

    theres a website where it gives you all the planes restrictions fro pregnancy.

    Mind sharing that link? I'm 100% sure that they would not allow this unless it was a dire emergency. Graduation is not.  

    https://www.babycenter.com/0_airline-policies-for-pregnant-travelers_6976.bc

    Pretty much every one requires you to have a doctor's note, and as I said before, I'm pretty positive your doctor will not give you one.

    Listen to everyone else here who is telling you to put the health and safety of your baby above your own wants.  

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  • imagenewmommy111710:
    imageErin2903:

    No, don't go.

    Even though you're only 17, try to be an adult about this. Think about the health and safety of your baby and not about what you want.

    Yes, I know. I am only 17, but I gotta act like a mom(i'm learning and trying)..haha gotta start somewhere..I know I shouldn't be selfish

    A good place to start is not stepping foot on a plane for 5 hours at the very end of your pregnancy.  

    5/100
    "So if you decide to date the guy from Applebees instead will your new SN be "mypearlshisapron?" Your new sig can be "putting the ho in nachos.""- DNBeach12
    PersonalMilestone
  • J+MSJ+MS member
    imageWishIcouldbeinthe'stan:
    imagenewmommy111710:

     

    But parents do not think I should go 

    I'm genuinely not saying this meanly, but you have to listen to them. You're still a juvenile (legally speaking).  

    Actually in California the age of 16 is majority.

    "Seriously, mommy forum people are some crazy ass bitches." New Year New You
  • Labor is only one of several reasons women late in pregnancy should not fly.  Pregnant women have decreased circulation, especially in the third trimester. Decreased circulation plus a long flight could result in blood clots.  Blood clots could result in stroke, pulmonary embolism or loss of your baby. 

    It is very rare that a doc will agree to let a woman fly that late in pregnancy.  The risks are far too great. 

    Have you H talk to his instructors.  We had a guy when I was in OSUT whose wife was expecting.  Our DS worked out so that when his wife went into labor, his MIL  would call the CQ desk.  We happened to be at the barraks when she went into labor.  The DS let him get his cell phone out of the lock box and charge it.  He was able to talk to her several times through her labor.  When she started pushing, he stayed on the phone the entire time until a while after his son was born.  Maybe they can work something like that or Skype for your H.  It never hurts to ask.

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  • imageJ+MS:
    imageWishIcouldbeinthe'stan:
    imagenewmommy111710:

     

    But parents do not think I should go 

    I'm genuinely not saying this meanly, but you have to listen to them. You're still a juvenile (legally speaking).  

    Actually in California the age of 16 is majority.

    I just did a quick google to be sure, but check out California Family Code Section 6501. 

    An adult is an individual who is 18 years of age or older. 

    I've seen a lot of military surprise homecomings. It wouldn't work on me. I always have my back to the corner and my face to the door. Looking for terrorists, criminals, various other threats, and husbands.
  • imageiluvmytxrgr:

    Labor is only one of several reasons women late in pregnancy should not fly.  Pregnant women have decreased circulation, especially in the third trimester. Decreased circulation plus a long flight could result in blood clots.  Blood clots could result in stroke, pulmonary embolism or loss of your baby. 

    It is very rare that a doc will agree to let a woman fly that late in pregnancy.  The risks are far too great. 

    Have you H talk to his instructors.  We had a guy when I was in OSUT whose wife was expecting.  Our DS worked out so that when his wife went into labor, his MIL  would call the CQ desk.  We happened to be at the barraks when she went into labor.  The DS let him get his cell phone out of the lock box and charge it.  He was able to talk to her several times through her labor.  When she started pushing, he stayed on the phone the entire time until a while after his son was born.  Maybe they can work something like that or Skype for your H.  It never hurts to ask.

    Thanks, I'll write to him and have him ask, but he might or might not because he probably feels like he doesn't want to..''bother the DS" about that, but I'll tell him there was someone else who talked to his wife in labor.

  • J+MSJ+MS member
    imageWishIcouldbeinthe'stan:
    imageJ+MS:
    imageWishIcouldbeinthe'stan:
    imagenewmommy111710:

     

    But parents do not think I should go 

    I'm genuinely not saying this meanly, but you have to listen to them. You're still a juvenile (legally speaking).  

    Actually in California the age of 16 is majority.

    I just did a quick google to be sure, but check out California Family Code Section 6501. 

    An adult is an individual who is 18 years of age or older. 

    Ah they must have changed it recently. It's 17 in Louisiana.

    "Seriously, mommy forum people are some crazy ass bitches." New Year New You
  • One more thing to think about:

    If you do get on a plane and travel to SC and you do end up delivering while you are there, There are very few pedis who will recomend a newborn fly on an airplane before it is 6 weeks old.  There are far too many germs on an airplane and your baby will not have had any vaccinations.  There are also issues with the inner ear of newborns on planes. 

    https://www.mayoclinic.com/health/air-travel-with-infant/HQ00197

     

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  • I grew up here, and my father is a retired CA state peace officer (dating kind of sucked "Do I need to run a warrant check on you, young man?") and I'm fairly sure it's been 18 for a long time. Since at least before I was 16, because otherwise I would have left sooner! ;)

    I've seen a lot of military surprise homecomings. It wouldn't work on me. I always have my back to the corner and my face to the door. Looking for terrorists, criminals, various other threats, and husbands.
  • I've had a blood clot in my leg and my lung before from taking BCP's.  I almost died from it.  The dr. in the ER was stunned I was still awake and talking.  As a pregnant woman, you have double the risk of clots after long periods of travel (air in particular) bc of the limited leg room.  Please think about you and your baby's health.

    I had a perfect pregnancy and thought everything was fine and I lost my baby at 18 weeks.  You never.ever know what can happen.  Now is not the time to take unecessary risks.

  • I just want to clarify that the reason so many people (including myself) said that you should go is because you conveniently left out that you would

    1. be flying

    2. going across the entire country.

    In that case, no way, absolutely do not do it. I'd say if you were driving (so that the baby wouldn't have to fly and that you would be able to bring the most important gear with you in case you did go into labor) then that's be a different story depending on the distance.

    If you want to get an honest opinion on something when you ask on more then one board, please give ALL the same details in each post..

  • Unless I'm missing it somewhere, no one has brought up the fact that insurance may not even cover the cost of delivery if you're across the country at 37 weeks pregnant and go into labor.  They definitely won't cover it if you're there without your doctor's approval, and I think you'd have a hard time getting them to cover it even with OB approval.  I want to say that with Tricare (don't know which insurance you have, just using mine as an example) my delivery wouldn't have been covered if I was at a hospital more than an hour or so from my home of record, after 34-ish weeks pregnant.  And because my OB put me on bedrest long before that they could have fought covering it anywhere other than the Fort Hood area starting at like 22 weeks for me. 

    You have to start making smart decisions here.  I know that you're only 17, but it's time to start putting baby first and yourself and your FI second.  Flying cross country at 37 weeks shouldn't even be an acceptable option in your mind right now. 

  • imagenewmommy111710:
    imageiluvmytxrgr:

    Labor is only one of several reasons women late in pregnancy should not fly.  Pregnant women have decreased circulation, especially in the third trimester. Decreased circulation plus a long flight could result in blood clots.  Blood clots could result in stroke, pulmonary embolism or loss of your baby. 

    It is very rare that a doc will agree to let a woman fly that late in pregnancy.  The risks are far too great. 

    Have you H talk to his instructors.  We had a guy when I was in OSUT whose wife was expecting.  Our DS worked out so that when his wife went into labor, his MIL  would call the CQ desk.  We happened to be at the barraks when she went into labor.  The DS let him get his cell phone out of the lock box and charge it.  He was able to talk to her several times through her labor.  When she started pushing, he stayed on the phone the entire time until a while after his son was born.  Maybe they can work something like that or Skype for your H.  It never hurts to ask.

    Thanks, I'll write to him and have him ask, but he might or might not because he probably feels like he doesn't want to..''bother the DS" about that, but I'll tell him there was someone else who talked to his wife in labor.

    Once he gets to AIT he may not have DS's any more depending on his MOS. I just got out of AIT in March and I had Platoon Sergeants. He really shouldn't be afraid to ask for help or the opinion of his DS's anyway because that is why they are there. They will most likely let him talk to you before/during/after your labor since he won't be able to be there. The Army is big on family and kids, and DS's know what it's like to be away from loved one's while important things/changes are happening such as births and deaths in the family. So he should ask...and Christmas will be here sooner than you think, and you will be able to see him then.

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  • DH and I are flying home for christmas and I will be 37 weeks pregnant. As long as you have a healthy pregnancy and your doctor thinks nothing will go wrong, then go for it. I already talked to my doctor and as of now--I know things can change at any moment-- she says go for it. I say as long as you talk to the doctor and get a doctors note, then go.

  • imageManduhhMommie:

    DH and I are flying home for christmas and I will be 37 weeks pregnant. As long as you have a healthy pregnancy and your doctor thinks nothing will go wrong, then go for it. I already talked to my doctor and as of now--I know things can change at any moment-- she says go for it. I say as long as you talk to the doctor and get a doctors note, then go.

    Are you flying across the country? No doctor can predict something going wrong. It just isn't a good idea.  

  • imageManduhhMommie:

    DH and I are flying home for christmas and I will be 37 weeks pregnant. As long as you have a healthy pregnancy and your doctor thinks nothing will go wrong, then go for it. I already talked to my doctor and as of now--I know things can change at any moment-- she says go for it. I say as long as you talk to the doctor and get a doctors note, then go.

    I wasn't going to say anything in this post...but seriously? Flying at 37 weeks? Why risk your health and your baby's? Why risk giving birth on a plane? You do know if you go into labor on the plane odds are they aren't going to be able to land just anywhere.

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  • Maybe it is because I had a rough pregnancy (which I didn't realize until after the fact), but the thought of flying at 37 weeks makes me shudder just thinking about it. You will be so uncomfortable, the thought of flying from one side of the country to the other would be torture. You will want to be in your own bed with your bathroom (because you WILL be up peeing every hour or so). You will have so few outfits that feel comfortable let alone look okay. . . Not to mention Leslie's extraordinary point about insurance covering the delivery. My guess is that you are not yet eligible for Tricare since you refer to your SO as your FI. Think long and hard about what is best for your baby. (FWIW, I do understand being pregnant and missing your SO. My DH was deployed for LO's birth and redeployed when LO was 9 months old.)
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  • I would not risk flying at 37wk.  Staying home is the better option even though you miss your FI.
    imageimage
  • Buy the video and keep your butt safely at home.

    I gave you life, then you gave me mine.

    TTC February 2008 to October 2008 One year forced break due to OIF deployment #2
    Resumed TTC in October 2009 HSG, Hysteroscopy, S/A all clear
    Five total medicated cycles and IUI #1-3 = BFN and all while we were still "unexplained IF"
    25 August Lap revealed Endo, adhesions and blocked left tube
    September 2011: Femara + IUI #4 (IUI #1 post endo removal) =BFFN
    November: IVF #1: Stims started 11/16 ER 11/25 (7R, 5F) ET 11/30 Transferred 2 beautiful expanding blastocysts +HPT 12/6/11
    Beta #1 at 9dp5dt=153! Beta #2 at 16dp5dt= 4009!

    Ultrasound 12/30 showed one beautiful heartbeat! EDD 17 August, 2012

    Hazel Evelyn arrived 10 August, 2012!

    Surprise natural BFP March 2015. M/C at 5 weeks
    Another surprise natural BFP April 2015


  • imageleslie13510:

    Unless I'm missing it somewhere, no one has brought up the fact that insurance may not even cover the cost of delivery if you're across the country at 37 weeks pregnant and go into labor.  They definitely won't cover it if you're there without your doctor's approval, and I think you'd have a hard time getting them to cover it even with OB approval.  I want to say that with Tricare (don't know which insurance you have, just using mine as an example) my delivery wouldn't have been covered if I was at a hospital more than an hour or so from my home of record, after 34-ish weeks pregnant.  And because my OB put me on bedrest long before that they could have fought covering it anywhere other than the Fort Hood area starting at like 22 weeks for me. 

    You have to start making smart decisions here.  I know that you're only 17, but it's time to start putting baby first and yourself and your FI second.  Flying cross country at 37 weeks shouldn't even be an acceptable option in your mind right now. 

    this and since you dont have tricare (because contrary to your siggy you arent a wifey, which is a different vent for a different day), i can only tell you that the majority of my civilian girlfriends couldnt leave a 50 mile radius of thier home/hospital starting around 34-36 weeks, and im sure they all had different insurance....

    and no normal doctor would give the "okay" for you to fly cross country at 37 weeks to have sex with your baby daddy which could potentially put you in labor, oh 3000 some-odd miles away from the dr. and your hospital.

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