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December 2010 Moms
lindseybell3
member
Why do they have to make it smell so good if you can't eat it??
Baby shower vent/need advice (long)
lindseybell3
member
My family is driving me crazy with this already! I come from a family of major tightwads and they think the fact that I even had a wedding was really frivolous and unneccesary. They hate weddings/showers/etc. and always just b*tch about having to give gifts or travel to them.
I didn't have a wedding shower bc I didn't want to hassle anyone and I didn't have a bachelorette party and our wedding was very small and we were able to finance most of it ourselves although my parents did help me by paying for the DJ and flowers (which I really did appreciate!) but there was a lot of b*tching about me behind my back and complaining whenever I asked them to participate in anything wedding related-rehearsal dinner, dress shopping, etc. They really did take a lot of joy out of the whole process.
Now the same kind of thing seems to be happening with this baby shower. My mother has said she wants to plan it but keeps calling me to ask what I want to do and keeps setting different dates and then asking me if we should change the date. My sister wants to go to an aquaintance's wedding on the current date and my cousin wants to have her baby shower the wknd after mine (even though she is due 2 months after me; her mother/my aunt doesn't want to do the shower too close to christmas since "the guests will spend the money on christmas presents instead of the shower." My cousin had a huge bridal shower and did the dollar dance and all that at her wedding).
THe thing is, I don't want to be materialistic and selfish and I really tried not to be with our wedding but I would really appreciate a baby shower. I just don't want to plan it, especially because my family thinks all this stuff is ridiculous anyway. It hurts my feelings that no one wants to do this, even though I know that just because I'm having a baby or getting married doesn't entitle me to anything. My sister told me about the wedding:
"this is your choice so why should I do anything?" and is pulling the same attitude now, huffing and puffing that she should have to change her schedule.
I don't know how to do anything related to this without coming out being the bad guy. Any advice? Am I overreacting?
Why do they have to make it smell so good if you can't eat it??
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Baby shower vent/need advice (long)
Ugh, your family (especially your sister) sounds frustrating. I don't blame you for feeling the way you do, but look on the bright side -- at least your mom offered to throw you a shower!
I'm sure your mom is trying to be considerate by asking your opinion on all of the details. As long as invitations haven't gone out, I think it's reasonable to try to pick a date that doesn't unduly inconvenience anyone that you'd really like to be there (like your sister). Is there a date that would work that wouldn't be right around your cousin's shower or conflict with the wedding your sister wants to go to? If so, pick it, have your mom check with the people you really want to be there to make sure it's okay for them, and then set the date and stick to it. You shouldn't have to keep changing to accommodate other people's schedules if you've given them fair warning.
As for other details your mom is asking you about, how much do you care about what actually happens at the shower? If you truly want them to plan it without much input from you, just keep telling her the same thing -- "Whatever you think is best mom. Surprise me!" However, if this is the approach you take, you've got to be okay with the fact that some things might not be quite to your taste. If you do care, give her input when she asks for it, or appoint a trusted friend to help her plan.
Good luck, and hope that helps!
Yeah, I'd have to go along with the help pick a date & then back away advice. It'll probably be about the same as if you helped, but with WAY less stress/drama/etc.
It really is a pity that we can't drink while pregnant, as that's a time when most need it the most!! Good luck!!
Hahahaha! Yes, definitely a drink would make everything seem so much less stressful.
Ok, I will try that approach next time and maybe will just change the date again since nothing's set in stone yet. Thanks for the advice!
As far as the date goes, I would just set what works for you and your mom and if people come, great and if not, oh well. My advice would be once the date is set, get your invites out ASAP, that way people have time to plan around it (if they don't already have plans). There was really only one weekend that worked for me because of everything going on in our lives. My sister-in-law threw a fit because she wanted to go to the town-wide yard sale that weekend so the date of my shower was not good for her. It pretty much came down to that's what worked for me so if she wasn't gonna be there, then fine.
If it is a money issue, you could always volunteer to pitch in some. And it's not like you have to do anything extravagant. You can keep it simple.
This makes me sad!
I agree with lilmgirl. Try to stay out of it as much as you can, and try to make the best of whatever they plan for you. ((hugs))