why my mom rocks and my sil doesn't (loooong)

Laurakat81 · August 2010

I want to start off by saying i'm sorry I'm writing an entire novel. But I don't know where else to go with this vent.

I love my SIL i do. I love my brother whom she is married to dearly and they have 3 beautiful children. My SIL was blessed to get pregnant quickly and easily each time. Her children are 3,2,1 with not even a year betwen the oldest two and only 13 months between the youngest two.

She did not plan on having her children so close in age. It has been hard on her raising three children and I do not blame her one bit for her feelings. She is entitled to them (just as I am to mine...which have nothing to do with her....until today). She is SAHM while my brother is a teacher so he doesn't make much money.While I don't have any living children I can only imagine that having three so young is hard work and extremely stressful at times.

I blog. I started it as a journal to keep family and friends updated to our second baby. It was supposed to be nothing but happiness and smiles and instead we lost our second baby too and I decided I wanted to continue the blog as a way to get my feelings out. I'm pretty good at keeping my feelings to myself and I suppose I've found that I'm extremely good at getting it all out when I write. It is my therapy.

Anyways, after the second loss ,SIL was very sweet and caring and said she would read my blog for as long as I kept it up so that she could better support me. Truthfully I never cared if anyone read it, it was my "diary" of sorts. So while I found the sentiment sweet I honestly never cared. I wrote a post yesterday. It had NOTHING to do with her or anyone that would ever be reading my blog. Of course she likes everythign to be about her so it doesn't totally surprise that she turned it around and made it about her.

She wrote me an email on FB today explaining in great depth as to why she can no longer read my blog. She went on to say that "It makes me uncomfortable and hurt that some women who have fertility problems have anger, jealousy and resentment towards me and people in my situation." This was the first statement that really got my blood boiling to the point I was shaking....her SITUATION???

Then she went on to say this, "The final thing that was too upsetting for me was the girl who posted about women who miscarry and don't mourn as if they lost a child. My friend XYZ didn't mourn her miscarriage. She was upset she wasn't going to have a baby, but she didn't consider losing her pregnancy as losing a baby. That doesn't make her a bad person or a bad mother, and it was really upsetting for me to read someone judging her as if she were so."

Uhhhh....I have no idea what she is even talking about!!!! I said nothing of the sort and neither did the mother who commented on my post!!!

And lastly she wrote this, "I want you to know that I am here for you if you ever need me, but I won't be able to be as involved in helping you through your heartache as I wanted to. I hope you understand. It is too upsetting for me. I love you."

WTF??? Can we say selfish??? I'm beyond angry. My blood is boiling. I'm so ticked that she actually made my second miscarriage about her. She does it about everything in life but I never thought she'd stoop so low. I love how she says she is here for me but not for this (you know only the worst thing i've ever gone through). UGH!!!

Ok and now on to why my mom rocks. I called her hysterical and crying and so freakin angry. She calmed me down and then wrote this on FB, "Keep my daughter in your prayers as she has lost her second pregnancy since Jan. of this year. I hope those who have never experienced this kind of loss will be understanding and not think this is just something you just get over. You carry it throughout your life. I know because I lost a pregnancy too." It was directed at SIL but i think it was tactful enough that while she might assume it was she'll never be able to prove it. I love my mom!

I'm sorry this is so long but I obviously can't blog about it. Embarrassed

MCH77 · August 2010

Your mom rocks!!!

scaneiki · August 2010

What an awesome mom you have!!!!!

Fififa21 · August 2010

I?m sorry your SIL is so selfish and rude, but yay for your mom sticking up for you!

sarahandadam1029 · August 2010

I totally understand how your blogging helps you! I used to do the same thing, and it was so helpful to just get it all out, even if no one ever read it. For me, it was also a way to let others know that even though I seemed happy and ok, inside I was dying and really needed help.

My sister is actually the reason I stopped blogging. She would message me horrible things in reaction to my blogs. It is so hard when someone who you think you can trust and who you think should be caring and understanding, is so hurtful. I'm so sorry you have to be going through this.

On the bright side, you do indeed have an AMAZING mother! I am completely jealous.

BlakeG · August 2010

Your mom is an awesome woman, and your SIL is a selfish idiot.

Kristin&Adam · August 2010

I think I love your mom

I am sorry your SIL is being such a selfish brat. She is a lucky woman to never have to deal with a loss - she should be grateful

sunflowr0803 · August 2010

Your SIL sucks!! I hate selfish people!

But your mom sounds soooooooo sweet!

mandy6418 · August 2010

What a great mom!!

butterfly843 · August 2010

((hugs)) your mom sounds awesome. So sorry your SIL is being so crappy.

ala_1220 · August 2010

That was a very selfish thing for your SIL to say. I don't understand why people just can't get it. Why do the FH's think everything has to be about them. I'm sorry she turned your blog to be about her!!!

I LOVE what your mom said, though!!!

millejj1 · August 2010

I wish we all could have moms like that! I'm sorry your SIL is stupid though

Laurakat81 · August 2010

She is awesome! I am blessed and I certainly don't take it for granted. I hope everyone has someone in their life who is as awesome! Big Smile

I love my SIL (but can honestly say I do NOT like her one bit) but GEEZ I'm so confused by her attitude. It is all I can talk about with DH tonight but I vowed I'm only wasting one day on her and her crappy attitude. I certainly have more important things to be thinking about and dealing with.

Thanks for the support ladies. I feel a little bad about talking about her "behind her back" but seriously it was just so messed that I had to go somewhere with the vent. I plan on completely ignoring her message in order to make her think it never phased me b/c I think all she wanted was to get a rise out of me.

Bsgirl143 · August 2010

Stupid SIL! Great Mom

Aniegbuna · August 2010

This just shows how selfish she is and if you didn't like her before it, I'm sure this did not help any! I love that your mom responded in a classy manner. I also love that she even has a FB. I don't think my mom even knows what FB is!! hahah!

alliejoe · August 2010

What an awesome (and tactful) mom

...and your SIL sucks.

mary548 · August 2010

Wow your mom rocks!! I'm sorry about SIL though.

maddiemoon43 · August 2010

Your mom sounds fantastic. My mom and I often direct things toward useless SIL on FB too, but fear she is too self-absorbed to notice. I hope your SIL is wiser and gets a gentle kick in the arse. In the meantime, I am confident everyone your mom knows will keep you in their t&p.