telling one set of parents way before the other?

on_the_move · August 2010

So we live pretty far away from both sets of parents. We are in New Mexico, In-laws are in Texas and my parents are in Virginia.

We are going to see in-laws over Labor day and have decided to tell them then. I will be about 11 weeks at that point. Originally we were going to wait until 2nd trimester, but decided seeing them was too good an oportunity to pass up.

The question is really what to do with my parents. We could call them either right after we got back from our trip to in-laws, or after we are out of the first trimester. They are coming to visit us over Columbus Day weekend when I will be 16 weeks and we could wait to tell them until then. I worry a little because sometimes my mom gets competitive against in-laws, but I'm not sure that should make a diffrence in my decision. So what would you do?

JCragg · August 2010

I told my parents first ? I knew my mom could keep a secret. Told in-laws a few weeks later ? to which she blabbed to everyone.

azzyberry · August 2010

We live far away from both sets of parents too. We just went on vacation last week to visit my family and I told my mom. We are waiting until after are 1st appt to tell the rest of my family and my in laws. We won't be seeing the in laws until christmas so they will be getting a phone call.

virginiagirl11 · August 2010

If it's only a matter of logistics then I would probably call your parents and tell them around that same time.

We are planning to tell my parents toward the end of the first tri and then the IL's well into the 2nd tri. My parents are private and can keep a secret but the IL's play a big role in the family news pipeline and once we tell them DH's entire side of the family will know.

kabarbanel · August 2010

We told my parents immediately, with both DS and this pregnancy. We did not tell MIL til 12 weeks with DS, and we plan to do the same. DH has a big family, and his mom CANNOT keep her mouth shut, and I don't want the entire family knowing until after my 12 week appt.

Abbysmommy0518 · August 2010

You must have a really good relationship with your inlaws. I know my mom's feelings would be hurt if she heard the news after the inlaws. But then again DH and I don't speak to his family so I guess I am just seeing it from my point of view.

julireye · August 2010

Can you guys set up a video chat with your parents while at your inlaws? that way everybody knows at the same time. My parents live overseas so when DH proposed we did a video chat with them and he ask them if he could married me

*Scuzzlebutt* · August 2010

Pregnancy #1 - we told my parents at 5 weeks, ILs at about 10. I don't trust MIL to keep a secret and I didn't want DH's entire huge extended family to know too early.

Pregnancy #2 - again, we told my parents right away. DH is going to see his parents in September (I'm not going) and he will tell them then. I'll be 12 weeks then.

OscarQ · August 2010

I told my parents first - in late July (Dad) / early August (Mom) - and then we were waiting until 2nd Tri to tell the ILs but DH spilled the beans the same weekend I told my mom.

I don't think it's a huge deal to not tell your parents right away - except the part where your mom gets competitive. But will she be competitive about you telling the ILs in person whereas she gets a phone call? Hmmm.

RayRay007 · August 2010

I don't really have advice, but can tell you what we did. We told my parents at around 6 weeks while they were visiting us before a big trip overseas. We were going to wait until 12 wks to tell the ILs because they have big mouths, and DH nor I felt bad about that. But then DHs brother accidentally found out and we felt bad that he knew and not the parents, so we ended up telling at around 9 wks. I don't think there was any hurt or competitive feelings between any of the parents.

OscarQ · August 2010

julireye:

Can you guys set up a video chat with your parents while at your inlaws? that way everybody knows at the same time. My parents live overseas so when DH proposed we did a video chat with them and he ask them if he could married me

I like this idea.

piratechick1986 · August 2010

My parents both know and have known since the beginning. In-laws on the other hand are a touchy subject and we are going to try and keep it under wraps for as long as possible to avoid a 30 min lecture from DH's father. He wasnt happy the news of DS and I know it will be worse with this one.

darlingpeach · August 2010

With our first, we told my parents when I was 12 weeks. I left it up to DH if he wanted to call his parents and tell them then but we were going to be seeing them in 4 weeks and he really wanted to tell them in person. My MIL was a little upset about my parents knowing before they did for so long. But it was important to DH to tell them when he saw them.

I think you just have to decide what will make you feel better. If your mom is going to get her feelings hurt, you might want to consider telling her ahead of time. Maybe on skype? But if you want to tell her in person you can just explain to her that it was such special news that you really wanted to wait until she came out to visit. Whatever you decide, I am sure she will be delighted once she realizes she's going to have a grandchild.

skio · August 2010

We told my parents at 6 weeks. We didn't tell the ILs until 9w3d. And I wish we had waited longer.

My parents haven't said a word to anyone and haven't asked us when we're telling or when they can tell others. They realize it's our decision.

We told MIL, SIL, Aunt-IL and Grandparents-IL at once, because we had to travel an hour to see them and thought we'd do it all at once. They started badgering us with "When can we telllllllllll" questions since a week after we told them. I want to fuucking shake them all. We waitied FIVE weeks to tell you, you can't keep your mouths shut for three? It's not your news to tell! Erg.

Anyway, I'm getting carried away. I would tell your parents when you get into second tri. That's when you originally wanted to tell everyone, and you're only telling ILs because you happen to be seeing them. They should understand that. GL!

genaruthp · August 2010

DH has blurted to his parents. I want to go up around Labor day and tell mine.

DH told his mom today over email *headslap* She lives in Hawaii, but still! And he told his sister in a text message. Seriously? lol

meridout · August 2010

Personally, I'd tell my parents right before I told the ILs. I wouldn't mention anything like, "since we're telling ____ I wanted to tell you too." Instead, I'd try something like, "We're too excited to wait to tell you in-person, you're going to be grandparents." Really emphasize that you're excited to share the news with your mom!

I think it could potentially slip that your ILs found out first, especially if your mom is competitive, she may even ask them!

Lucky_Dragonfly · August 2010

if you are going to tell one set then I would tell the other if you are that close to them. I am not close with my mom and I have no plans on telling her about this baby.

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