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Parenting
Clicky: Do you think a SAHM should do more than take care of the kids?
Obviously that DH was being anasshole but I'm surprised at the people in the post who say that their only job as a SAHM is to watch the kids/keep the kids alive (and that anything else is a bonus)
WDYT?
[Poll]
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Re: Clicky: Do you think a SAHM should do more than take care of the kids?
I was leaning "YES," but voted "SS" because for our family, it depends on the day. If my kids are being particularly needy or naughty, I don't get much done around the house.
Of course I think they should do more than take care of the kids. I also think the husband should do more than just go to work. Somebody has to do something around the house.
Now, do I think they need to scrub the house top to bottom during the day while their husband is gone? No. If they don't get time to clean or do laundry or whatever until after their kids are in bed or on the weekends, which is when I get all of my stuff at home done since I work, then whatever.
First and foremost, SAHM should take care of the children which can encompass many aspects of the day: providing nutritious food and providing a safe/clean place to play for kids, as well as providing a stimulating environment.
This does not mean the DH's are exempt from household chores. at. all. I SAH right now (will start substitute teaching in a week). I cook, clean, and take care of children. When DH comes home, he helps cook/clean/take care of kids. It's really up to whatever agreement/system works for husband and wife and is an agreement! Not a "you're the SAHM so you do everything around here, I (DH) make the money so that's all I do."
While I absolutely need to get DH to do more around the house, he certainly doesn't "hold himself to a different standard". If I nag him enough, he'll do it. LOL
My job is basically the house and kids. His is work outside the home, and the outside/garage stuff.
DS - December 2006
DD - December 2008
I responded SS because I don't think there is only one answer to this qustion. How old are the kids involved? How much out of the house time is involved? And ultimately, what is your priority when it comes to the other stuff? Not everyone cares about a home cooked meal each day. Or a scrubbed bathroom and clean baseboards. Some people do, I have found others don't. This is one of those things that really is about different strokes.
Having said that, I think our society assumes that it is the job of an at home to be fully minding the house and all domestics tasks. You know, because minding children is the equivalent of caring for a potted plant.
Pretty much this. Sometimes I am super productive around the house, sometimes not so much. We also have someone deep clean the house once a month, which helps a lot. I do cook, but often MH is home early and helps me get dinner ready too. Now that James is in preschool, I feel obligated to get stuff done while he is gone, so I tackle one big project a day while he is at school. But when he is home I sometimes only take care of him and we are gone most of the day anyway so I don't do any housework some days. It just depends.
I voted for no, even though I do more than just deal with Jackson/keep him alive. I get it done when it works for our day, and that works for our family. I don't do everything and if things don't get done, MH will help out when he gets home.
If I have time, sure I do it. I also do most of the grocery/household shopping and other things that require more flexibility throughout the day - doctors appointments, dentist appointments, school registration, etc. All of that is stuff I do, but if I need help with it, don't get it done, or whatever, MH will pick up the slack. He (and really we) never approach any of those things like they solely fall on me as my job.
If MH was home less, I'm sure I'd do more, but not necessarily because it was my job - but because I am the one who is here the majority of the time.
Also, for us, neither of us is super obsessive about things being neat. I mean, our house is clean, but if something doesn't get done, it's not a big deal. Or if dinner isn't ready at a certain time, no big deal. Or a work shirt not clean...none of that is anything that matters a ton to us.
I'm not the maid, or the housekeeper, or the cook. If I have time, I do it. Just like he does.
Yeah, I have "potted plants" akin to Audrey in The Little Shop of Horrors. LOL
DS - December 2006
DD - December 2008
This. I think both partners need to divide up the work load evenly. It doesn't matter when it gets done, as long as it gets done. However, there are times when one person should take on more of the work load....like when their spouse is sick or just had a baby, etc.
I'd like to add this: part of the reason I SAH is because we like the flexibility it gives us in all aspects of our lives. It gives MH the flexibility to work a longer day if something comes up, it gives me the flexibility to stay in pjs if I feel like sh*t, it gives us the flexibility to travel for the weekend on short notice since MH's job is flexible, etc.
It also gives me the flexibility to respond to Jackson as needed throughout the day, and recently he's been really clingy so I get nothing done. Everything he does, he wants me right by him, and while I do try to get him to be involved in something so he can play independently (since I don't really love having a clingy almost 4YO), I'd much prefer to respond to that then be like, "OH NO I MUST DO THE LAUNDRY TODAY! IT'S MY JOB! THEN I NEED TO COOK DINNER!!!" No. My job is taking care of him. Just like I'd expect a nanny, daycare teacher, or whatever to do their job and respond to the kids in their care, as needed, not clean the bathrooms.
I responded special snowflake - and I'm the one who said KEEP THE KIDS ALIVE. I don't think that childrearing is a full-time job, but I do think it's a SAHMs primary focus and that a husband shouldn't give a sh!t if the dishes aren't done (does that mean I don't do them? No - and I'm not a fulltime SAHM, in fact, I work more than I'm home during the week these days - I'm just home more than he is).
Our neighbor, who has 4 children with the youngest in high school, told my DH when I was pregnant, "Never walk in the door and ask what's for dinner. If you walk in and it's a disaster, it was a bad day. Don't expect more. Go back out and bring home a pizza." Best advice ever. Doesn't mean DH always follows it.
I just think kids should be a priority. Laundry will always be there.
I voted SS and here is my thinking:
When I was on maternity leave I mostly fed the baby. When I was feeling up to it and had time to do other things I did. If the baby was napping and I was well rested that day, I would throw in some laundry, make a crockpot dinner, etc... some days were less productive than others.
I sure as hell didn't have a martini ready every day for my DH the minute he walked in the door after he got home from work. This idea is very archaic.
I think I got a lot of stuff done at home on maternity, that I couldn't have done while I was working full time. That being said my DH still did things around the house: fold the clothes that were dry, help hang up the kids clothes, entertain the twins while I was feeding the baby, pick up the twins from daycare.
It depends on a lot of things. For a DH to expect the woman to have the house spotless every day is being unrealistic.
I voted "no" because I think the SAHM's main focus should be the kids. Realistically, can more be done? Yes, in most situations. And if I did SAH, I would try to do as much other stuff as I could.
BUT- if I've had a particularily exhausting day w/ DS and if I want to nap while he naps instead of folding laundry, then I'm going to do it and no one (i.e. my DH) should make me feel guilty for it.
That's the catcher for me- the expectation that all this other work "better be done" because "what does a SAHM do w/ all her time?".
It's a bonus, but a bonus that can be met w/ a certain degree of regularity.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
This.
This. Although I WOH, when I am at home with the kids, I still need to maintain some order in the house. Cleaning up after the lunch dishes and getting a load of laundry done come with the territory of being in the house. Does the house have to be immaculate and that be the main responsibility of the SAHM's job? No. I think that all family members can contribute to the household bottom line (chores, upkeep, etc.).
This, totally.
Alex (11/14/06) and Nate (5/25/10)
"Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are." - Rev. Forrest Church
as a sahm, I feel responsible for the childrens needs, but also for ensuring that all of my husband's comforts and expectations are met. He should have a nutritious and tasty meal, clean and fresh smelling clothes to wear, and a tidy and respectable home to come home to relax within.
I should not trouble him with mundane nonsense or drama, and I should keep all of his appointments so that he doesn't have to worry about them.
As I understand it, I should also expect to face repercussions should any of these responsibilities not be met. I accept my punishments for any infractions I may knowingly incurr.
lolz.
but: I have totally turned into suzie home maker haus frau, and I think my husband is totally amused. I hate not working part time- it makes me feel weird- and I have thrown myself into a real 50s style role- I am acing laundry, I am learning to cook, I am a cleaning machine I have time to vacuum thrice daily- and I have to confess- none of it seems to be too much lately- but it could be because I don't have anything else to do, and my kids have been pretty chill lately?
my h is not in the least concerned with housework and whether I do it (though he never has to do it himself..) He is very appreciative of it and tells me all the time- but I really DO think it is my job- he doesn't, but I think if I started slacking, he might wonder what the hell I do all day? I would!
Aaaah. What has kansas turned you into?
I have an order of priority of things, and first and foremost is to make sure everyone is fed, clean, and generally happy (in that order).
Next is to make beds, throw in a load of laundry or 2, and get the dishes done at least once a day.
Other cleaning and errand running is done based on the highest priority and on days that I work just working and keeping kids fed/clean/happy is good enough for me.
DH knows that some days he will walk into a clean house with a hot meal in the oven and two happy kids, and sometimes he will walk into a house that looks like it should be condemned, a drawer full of take out menus and two happy kids. We look at it this way, if they were in day care they would have an adult's full attention, so anything I do beyond kid stuff before DH gets home is a bonus.
this