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TTC After a Loss 6 Months+
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And you know, sometimes you just say it and it's ok

ColindaPColindaP member
in TTC After a Loss 6 Months+

Not everyone immediately recoils in horror.

While I was back home last weekend, I had dinner with two very fertile friends of mine, one of whom is pregnant almost exactly where I'd be with pg #4. So we're chatting and catching up and of course they ask me when we're planning to have kids. I knew it would come up,but decided not to decide beforehand how to answer, and to just fly by the seat of my pants. So the question is asked, and I say "Well, actually I don't know when or even if. I've had four miscarriages so far, so it just may not even be in the cards for us."

And they both expressed their condolences and we moved right on forward with our conversation. It was so refreshing to not lie, and to have people react appropriately. 

Clicky ticky
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Re: And you know, sometimes you just say it and it's ok

  • dandyelledandyelle
    I'm glad it went well. Sounds like you have good taste in friends. :-)
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  • KelinandKevinKelinandKevin member

    It is refreshing not to lie.  Kevin and I have been very public with our losses.  I have people ask me all the time when we are going to start a family and I flat out tell them that we were doing IVF and in the process of making that dream come true now.  Usually they just say, "oh, thats great" and move on.  It is much harder for me to hide my losses and IF treatments than just to come out with them.  In fact, I have found several people in my life that struggled with IF and losses that I didn't know about before.  It has made me closer with some of my friends/family.

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  • happyhooplahappyhoopla member
    There were a couple of times that I got some poorly thoughtout responces, but most people really are great when you let them know about fertility struggles. I found that by being open with my issues, I got some amazing support from many people. And now that this pregnancy is going well, everyone is so joyful. I'm very glad that you were able to have that positive experience.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Loss #1 (missed miscarriage) 14 weeks Loss #2 (missed miscarriage) 10 weeks Loss #3 (chemical pregnancy) Loss #4 (chemical pregnancy) Loss #5 (chemical pregnancy)
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  • mdm2137mdm2137

    I'm glad you were able to tell them the truth.


    BFP 12/18/2009. HB 1/4/2010. NO HB 1/18/2010. D&C 1/19/2010
    April 2011 IUI #1 BFN. High FSH and other issues.
    May 2011 Chose to build our family through adoption
    September 2011 Actively waiting for a match
    11/26/11 Surprise BFP * DD born 7/23/12 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • grr_aarghgrr_aargh member

    Dude.

    That's good.  I'm glad you can have open conversations like that.  I LIKE it when I let that out and then someone says "I'm sorry" and we all move forward.

    The last time I did it, the mother of four sitting next to me (skinny as heck, in a bikini, so I hated her for, you know, a BILLION reasons), said "I had four miscarriages between Emily and Ivy. I'm sorry.  Have they run testing?  Mine didn't uncover anything."

    I wanted to weep.  It was like finding one of us hiding out there. It wasn't the focus of our time that day, but it was this legit, real conversation.  And it was awesome. 

    Welcome to the world, Baby Grr!

    My Blog

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  • PeetiePiePeetiePie
    I'm so glad it went well for you C.  It sounds like you have some amazing friends.
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  • suntotosuntoto member
    I agree.  I have honestly been up front about it all when people ask.  It puts a quick end to pesky questions.  Sometimes the person feels embarrassed for asking, but IMO, that is ok... it is their fault for being nosy!
    Forever buddy to Angelica; Natural Miscarriage Jan. 2008 @ 11 weeks; 2 years of BFFN's; DX: Unexplained IF (RE thinks IF is due to tubal issues); IUI #1 & 2= BFFN; IUI#3 = BFP, resulted in Cornual ectopic pregnancy; IUI #4 - 6 =BFFN; Our next endeavor... IVF. 1 grade AA embryo transferred on 4-23-2011 and 5 frosties. BFP Abby born 1/5/2012

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  • Scout05Scout05 member

    I am glad you got a normal, mature reaction from people. I'm with Toto, I find the more open I am, the less stupid I deal with (not totally, still plenty of stupid to go around). But there are less awk. moments of people stepping in it, because they know ahead of time to try to be sensitive.

     

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  • AppleRidgeAppleRidge member
    Good for them.  Good for you.
    ---------------------------------------------------------------
    4 early losses 2009, 2010, 2015.  Baby #1 born 2/13/11.  
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  • DoingItRightDoingItRight member
    I am glad that they did such a good job reacting.
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers IVF #1 BFP Beta #1 528 & Beta #2 1514
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  • jcathjcath member
    I totally agree and am glad it went well.  I think the more we talk about this the more we realize we are'nt alone. 
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  • triple_sevenstriple_sevens member
    I'm so, so glad you had this experience. For me, hiding what happened is/was terribly hard, but being open and honest has lead to a lot of wonderful interactions.
    BFP #1 10/17/09: missed m/c at 7 weeks; BFP #2 10/22/10: chemical pregnancy; BFP #3: 1/28/11

    Baby Boy Smudgie born 10/4/11

    <a href="http://s837.photobucket.com/albums/zz298/triple_sevens/?action=view

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  • surfergirlkonasurfergirlkona
    As hard as our situations are, sometimes it just feels better being upfront with the struggles. I am glad you wer open and honest. Love to you. Missed you!
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  • Court1Court1
    Good friends!  Some people do have a brain ;)
    Connor Thomas 6/6/08. Discovered missed miscarriage at 17 wks 3 days, D&C 11/25/09. Please, please, please - BFP 5/21/11, EDD 2/1/11. Beta@12DPO=52, Beta@14DPO=158. U/S 7/7/11 shows strong baby measuring a couple days ahead!!! Pregnancy Ticker
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  • maceymay1816maceymay1816 member
    I'm glad it went well for you.  It's always a sensitive subject and I'm glad you had a good response and felt good about it.
    Married 8/23/09 Dx: Endometriosis mc 2003, mc 2005, mc Oct. 2009 and ectopic pg Feb. 2010 Baby Girl Gracie Mae born 5 weeks early on 7/6/11. Baby boy JT born full term on 7/5/12. We are blessed!
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  • butterfly843butterfly843
    I'm glad it went well. I have been more comfortable lately talking about our losses and it has helped me a lot even though sometimes I feel bad when I make people feel uncomfortable.

    Jenn

    image 3 IUI's all BFN

    IVF#1 BFN IVF#2 BFP, loss at 19 weeks FET#1 BFN IVF#3 BFP, m/c FET#2 BFN

    Missing our twins Zachary and Madison, lost at 19 weeks on 11/13/09, edd 4/9/10

    BFP 7/17/10, m/c 7/25/10, edd 3/25/11

    Ectopic, lost left tube 4/20/11, edd 12/6/11

    my blog

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