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Parenting after a Loss
jeffrae
member
2nd Time Moms - Questions
jeffrae
member
DH and I were discussing on when to start telling people. Most people wait until they get the NT scan - well, we are skipping that this time around based on our experience with Adelyn. So, now I am wondering when 2nd time moms really start showing? I am sure it is different for everyone - so when did YOU start showing again? I am average size...with a fairly flat (but still soft) tummy.
Were your symptoms different with your next pg? So far I am just itchier then hell and tired. I was itchy last time - but I am more so now. It is annoying! No m/s yet. :-) Which came early last time. It is a very different pg this time around. I am early still though.
When will I stop being so detached from this pg? With Addy here - she consumes my thoughts, not this new pregnancy. It almost does not feel real...other then I feel itchy/tired.
When did you get over feeling overwhelmed about going through pregnancy and having a 2nd child to take care of? I am so worried about taking time away from Adelyn - I already feel guilty!
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Re: 2nd Time Moms - Questions
We didn't tell until 15 weeks or so. That was about when I started showing a bit, too. The thing is that no one expected me to be pg so soon after having DD, so people just assumed I was putting on a few pounds.
My m/s was worse with this pg. That was my main early symptom; I think it started around six weeks.
As for the detachment, honestly, I haven't gotten over it. I prefer to think of it as preoccupation with my daughter, who takes up most of my time and energy, than real detachment. It's weird to feel a kick and not even notice until a few minutes later, because I'm too busy running after DD. I think it's inevitable not to bask in the pregnancy when you already have a child - you're too busy with other stuff!
I was downright upset about being pregnant again at first. I reacted by ignoring the pregnancy until m/s kicked in and I had no choice. To be quite honest, I didn't start getting excited until well into 2nd tri. I think that's normal, too.
And don't feel guilty. It's true Addy won't have your undivided attention much longer, but you are giving her a playmate for life - and that is a fantastic gift.
<a href="http://s5.photobucket.com/albums/y161/putalittlepolkainyourdot/?action=view
we told family @ 10 weeks bc I started to pooch out a bit and then told everyone else after my NT scan.
It was definitely hard to keep up with dd during the first tri when exhaustion was pretty bad. My house was a wreck, but we kept our maid service to keep me sane. We made adjustments and some days I wonder how I will do it. Now, that I know baby #2 is a girl, I'm excited she will have a little sister and I can't wait to see them togtehter. Now, I'm reading all the stuff, like potty training, positive discipline and reviewing sleep training, bc I know come Dec, there wont be much time for any of that!
- so when did YOU start showing again? I started showing around 13 weeks, but like PP said, no one expects its a baby so they probably think I've gained weight. I can't really hide it now. I've been wearing jackiets at work.
Were your symptoms different with your next pg? My breast are not as sore, but my m/s was the same. Horrible. This time, I got medicine early enough to combat it.
When will I stop being so detached from this pg? Maybe when you go get the big sono. I had mine today, and I felt even closer to the baby. for a long time, I was still trying to wrap my head around the situation. A lot of people still don't know.
When did you get over feeling overwhelmed about going through pregnancy and having a 2nd child to take care of? I am so worried about taking time away from Adelyn - I already feel guilty! This is natural. I felt this way when I had my second, and my daughter was 8! Once baby comes, it will change and trust me, you will have enought love to spread for the both. You LO will be trying to help with the new one so much, you won't even get a chance to feel like you're slighting her.
We planned on telling around 12 weeks but ended up telling around 11 1/2 because we needed family to watch DD when we went to ER. I think my mother-in-law was shocked when DH called and said, "Katie needs to go to the ER. She has abdominal pain, and we are nervous because we are pregnant." So, then we told every one in the family.
I am a bad judge of when I started showing because I was still struggling with c-section belly when I got my bfp at 4 months pp. I didn't really start showing any earlier (12-14 weeks), but I was in maternity clothes by ten weeks.
Congrats:) How exciting! When are you due?
I started wearing maternity clothes by around 10 weeks with #2 and definitely showing by 14-16 weeks. I definitely popped much sooner. I think its normal to be somewhat detached from the 2nd pregnancy b/c you have another child to worry about and preoccupy your time. I also think the guilt is normal. This hit me really hard in the 3rd trimester.
Just remember this...you aren't taking away anything from Adelyn, you are giving her the greatest gift you could give her...a sibling for life!
We told people at 12 weeks after having a second ultrasound. Our parents and my sister knew before then because I lost one of the twins. I started getting bigger around 8 weeks and was overall much much bigger much earlier on. But, I could pass it off as just gaining weight. Like Roundtheworld said, most people didn't expect me to be pg so soon so the thought didn't even cross their minds. I think you could probabably get away with waiting to tell by wearing looser fitting shirts.
My symptoms were 100% different. I didn't have m/s at all until about 16 weeks. I also didn't have any food aversions until around that point. And, not only did I not have food aversions, I was craving meat; For one week straight I ate hamburgers with turkey bacon. Now I'm not such a big fan of meat although I can still eat some of it.
It took me a long time to stop feeling so detached. Between the scare at the beginning and my time being consumed with LO and trying to find a new job (I had just gotten laid of when we found out I was pg), it was hard to focus on this pregnancy. My bonding time with the new baby came in the form of getting her room ready and picking out some newborn clothes for her. After doing that I felt ready for her to come.
right now I'm really exhausted, it's getting hard to sleep, my back is hurting more, and running around after LO is hard to do. I have to have my bad mom times when I lay on the floor with her (sitting on the ground hurts my back) or on the couch and play with her from there. Usually that involves her running around and getting toys and then bringing them over to me. I feel so lazy but I can't help it.
I think we're all going to feel overwhelmed in the beginning with having two so close together but I think it will be great for them in the end. The way I figure it, I'm getting all the sleepless nights out of the way at once
Plus, then we can get rid of all the baby stuff rather then have to store it for a couple of years!
I''m only 8 wks, but I definitely feel like I'm having less control over my tummy bulge. Of course, my belly hadn't recovered from having DD, so that may be part of it.
We told after our first u/s at 6.5 weeks. We're not ones to hide a miscarriage, we have such an amazing supportive family, that we'd tell them after the fact anyways, so why not tell early. We did wait till 2nd Tri to tell with our first LO. Then when we lost him/her a week later, people didn't realize how far along we were, and thought we'd only known for a week and told us 'at least you didn't have time to get attached' That sucked, and I don't want to do it again.
I can't believe how much more tired I am this time around. It's crazy!
As far as feeling guilty about not having as much time with DD as the only child, well, the 2nd, 3rd etc. will NEVER have me one on one. So I feel the opposite, here we are giving Kaygan 14 months of just her time, and we can't give that to any of our future kids... so my guilt is towards future kids!